Posted on 02/23/2005 5:58:17 AM PST by KidGlock
Breast size determines personality
An Italian sex researcher claims he can tell a woman's personality from the size and shape of her breasts.
According to German newspaper Bild sexologist Piero Lorenzoni said: "A woman's breasts denote a woman's character, just like her star sign."
He has categorised breast types according to fruits and says men can draw up their own horoscope-type chart that indicates what a woman's chest size says about her.
The fruity chart starts naturally with the traditional melon. According to Lorenzoni, a woman with large, round breasts like a melon may appear motherly, but is far from it. "She likes eating and wants to be spoiled and admired. But seldom likes sex," he said.
For men who want someone a bit more lively they should choose a woman with "lemon" breasts - pert and prominent. "These women are full of life and can laugh at themselves. They want a balanced life without surprises."
Pert, oval-shaped breasts are for Lorenzoni like pineapples. "A woman with pineapple breasts is intelligent, often has a career but is still romantic. They are also faithful. Whoever wins their heart will not lose it quickly."
Grapefruit-shaped breasts - pert and firm - are also not a good sign for good sex. "This woman may look erotic, but in reality is bashful and homely. She spoils her partner but prefers tenderness over sex."
Even women with "oranges" are not going to turn up the temperature between the sheets. "While she is self-confident and knows her goals, she has little interest in sex. She likes conversation and partnerships."
Small breasted women, with assets that resemble cherries are "funny and very exciting. They are entertaining and intelligent. Make great partners both for everyday life and on holiday and are moderately interested in sex," says the researcher.
A woman with pear-shaped breasts "Loves love in all its variations. She can be very religious, but is known to have affairs."
I knew you were kidding........... my take is the writer is gay - he doesn't appear to like big breasts - ;^)
Wow, I didn't realize breasts came in so many different fruit shapes. How does a lemon-shaped breast look compared to a pear-shaped breast, for instance??
ROTFL! Busting news!
I'll throw in a few of my own puns . . . .
Any woman with fruits for breasts: fruity
Pear-shaped women: "Wow, what a pear!"
Lemon-shaped: She's a tart.
Flat-chested: She has no personality.
Small-breasted: She's shallow.
Implants: What a phony.
Of course, someone may have a well-rounded personality. ;-)
How about Gin-Soaked raisins?
Oh yeah, those look like Teresa Heinz-Kerry!
Inies
They must have surveyed only MARRIED women.
I guess honing straps aren't fruit either?
OOWWWWWWWW
Very good.
Perky ping!
I think I married a grapefruit that went bad, then sucked on a few lemons before settling on a wonderful peach!!
I've got a couple of degrees, but have missed one in Sexology. Can I get it from a match book cover??
This guy had to have had some bad experiences.
I had a professor who loved to show pictures of fertility goddess statues with multiple breasts. I swear he drooled when he was counting. Come to think of it, he was Italian.
Don't you ever, EVER, quote those damned wiggles on this site. Ever, ever again. Ever. Ever. Do you hear me?
ROFLMAO!
Not even as a big boobs pun? Isn't there some kind of offsetting principle where a tits joke cancels out the Wiggles?
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