Kitty Caption II - Kitty Wants Down (Humor Break and Meow Alert)

12 May 2003 | PetroniDE

[PetroniDE]

Time for another kitty caption. This one looks like she is scared. Is she in the clutches of an evil person?

I am going to try to make the "Kitty Caption" a semi-regular feature on FR (about one thread a week, usually Monday). Chance for a little humor break among all the serious stuff.

In addition, I am trying to update the cat ping list. If you want on or off said list, please let me know. If you have a picture you want featured in a caption, send me a link.

[DietCoke]

Please add me to the ping list! =^..^=

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

How to give a Cat a pill:

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side
of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while
holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat
in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding
rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to
back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count
of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front
and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to
hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into
mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil
wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully
sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side
for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1
beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and
remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open
another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to
leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick
pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges.

Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.
Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another
shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the
road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind
tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves
from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet
steak.

14. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of
water down throat to wash pill down.

15. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and
forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture
shop on way home to order new table.

16. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call
local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.


(Came in an email, FWIW.)

[Genesis defender]

That is one seriously p!ssed off cat.

[Lady Jag]

After finishing a course in self confidence, the same cat graduates with honors.

Please put me on your ping list.

[w_over_w]

"Honey . . . I'm going to be late from work tonight. Why? Well, let's see . . ."

[DietCoke]

Funny!!!! I'd seen the how to give a cat a shower before, but not this one.

[Lady Jag]

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.

As we was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.

At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answers "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"

[Not A Snowbird]

I'm laughing like a crazy woman at that pic. I had to give my Magic Bear a lion cut, and he NEVER forgave me.

[SwinneySwitch]

Do NOT put your face near THIS cat!

[Xenalyte]

Oh yeah? Put me on the list or be forced to ride the short bus, like Baby here!

[Clara Lou]

Ping list, please!

[billhilly]

You gotta like lastest. Reminds me of Rug Rats.

[Not A Snowbird]

LOL! We tried to "pill" Tigger and finally had to take her to the vet because we absolutely couldn't do it. The vet smiled indulgently at owner ineptitude and proceeded to demonstrate the correct technique.

Twenty minutes later, the vet (thorough chastened by the strength of this eight pound cat) rewrote the prescription for liquid that we could mix in her food.

[Allegra]

I love Baby's facial expression...and the cocked ear.

[Xenalyte]

Baby makes me laugh every time I see her!

[RikaStrom]

Baby has some 'tude!

[LibertyGirl77]

Please add me to the Cat list. Thank you.

[CounterCounterCulture]

Please add me to the kitty list. Thanks.

[N. Theknow]

Thought you might find these interesting.

[PetroniDE]

Looks like Viking Kitty (without the lightning and sword). Real Cute.