Man Sues Tom Ridge Over Ductape to Privates...(A MUST READ!!!!)

Corona Times | Feb. 15 2003 | Unknown

[Blue Scourge]

Man Sues Tom Ridge Over Duct Tape Fears

Corona, CA - Tom Ridge's advice to Americans to stock up on duct tape and plastic has sparked a lawsuit which has been filed against him, the Department of Homeland Security and President George W. Bush.

Steven J. Bosell, the owner of B & B Construction in Corona, California, has filed a lawsuit claiming emotional distress, personal injury and sexual dysfunction after he wrapped his "privates" in duct tape to protect them from a biological attack.

"After watching Mr. Ridge on television advising us to stock up on duct tape and plastic, I went to the local Costco and bought $100 worth of duct tape to protect myself", Bosell said. "When I got home, I taped up my windows and doors. After I did that I realized if survivors like myself are going to reproduce and populate the Earth after a biological attack, we have to protect our privates as well."

Bosell claimed in his lawsuit he wrapped his "privates" in duct tape as test of "Homeland Security". When he tried to remove the tape, Bosell injured himself when the tape began peeling off skin and body hair. After calling an ambulance, Bosell was taken to the hospital where the doctors and nurses laughed at him.

"I told the doctors and nurses at the hospital if they laughed, I would file a lawsuit against them and the hospital. They laughed anyways and I now have another lawsuit pending" Bosell said with tears streaming down his face. "They went out their way to make me look like a fool. Once I saw the doctors scalpel go toward my privates, I totally lost it and blacked out".

Also named in the lawsuit is the President of the United States, George W. Bush. "President Bush is just as liable for injury to my reproductive future because he hired Mr. Ridge to run the Department of Homeland Security and Mr. Ridge gave the nation bad advice. They also make me look like a fool." Bosell sobbed.

The Department of Homeland Security and the Bush Administration have no comment on Mr. Bosell's lawsuit.

Corona times,

[Blue Scourge]

Hey, there is no home link. A friend of mine out in CA e-mailed me this a couple of days ago. He said he pulled it from one of the papers out there, perhaps someone else in CA could verify this....But it shows the stupidity of some people...

[Bahbah]

LOL. This just cannot be true.

[RolandBurnam]

I'm calling BS!

[CathyRyan]

Words fail me...

[Blue Scourge]

Thats what I thought too, but I figured I'd post it for a good laugh. And I hoped someone from CA could verify this....

[ChadGore]

Is the Corona Times kinda like the onion ?

[Petronski]

There's no way anyone--even a DUmmy--is THAT stupid.

[FITZ]

If it's a true story, he shouldn't even think about reproducing.

[RummyChick]

It is so stupid I am going to guess the story is true.

[Lady Jag]

When he tried to remove the tape, Bosell injured himself when the tape began peeling off skin and body hair. After calling an ambulance, Bosell was taken to the hospital where the doctors and nurses laughed at him.

He must be a lonely man. LOL!

It has to be a joke.

[O.C. - Old Cracker]

This guy put duct tape on his genitals? Bwahahahaha!

[GSWarrior]

It could be true. There are a lot of wacky people out there filing frivolous lawsuits all the time.

[Core_Conservative]

Does a runner up for the Darwin Awards sound about right? LMAO

[slimer]

"They went out their way to make me look like a fool.

With your help, they didn't have to go very far.

[Centurion2000]

LOL. This just cannot be true.

Wanna bet ? I'm not saying this is true .... but ...

Never underestimate the power of Human Stupidity

[Mad Dawgg]

"Steven J. Bosell, the owner of B & B Construction in Corona, California, has filed a lawsuit claiming emotional distress, personal injury and sexual dysfunction after he wrapped his "privates" in duct tape to protect them from a biological attack."

Two important questions come to mind when I read the above:

First, how does one tape his privates? Do you run strips length wise or does one use the round and round method (think barber pole) also does one have to be in a state of arousal to get this to work properly?

Second, does anyone else think "Private Ductape" is an excellent name for a Rock Band?

[dts32041]

Sounds like a fetish freak who could find anyone to apply it correctly to him.

Just didn't google correctly.

[VRWCmember]

From The Corona Times, huh. Maybe we should consult the Tecate Journal, Miller Lite Morning News, or the Budweiser Post for verification.