Posted on 06/13/2002 2:07:51 PM PDT by RedBloodedAmerican
The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"
[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]
Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! RedbloodedAmerican is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Tennessee_Bob. So everyone, please put your hands together for RedbloodedAmerican!
[The crowd whoops and hollers]
Jerry: Okay, now RedbloodedAmerican you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
RBA: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other person's name?
RBA: MotleyGirl70.
[The crowd squeals with delight]
Jerry: Okay, okay, well MotleyGirl70, is actually here tonight ...
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you RedbloodedAmerican, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ...
Xenalyte!
RBA: What the HELL!!!
[Out of nowhere RBA pulls out a Vibrator. Xenalyte reaches for the Sofa. Out of the shadows Sungirl appears]
Sungirl: Wait everybody, wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Xenalyte.
Xenalyte: Because I saw RedbloodedAmerican and Sungirl making out at WalMart!
[The crowd goes absolutely insane]
Sungirl: That's a lie! I was home watching Oprah!
Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Xenalyte?
Xenalyte: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Tennessee_Bob who has recently become engaged to Sungirl.
[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Tennessee_Bob out here because RedbloodedAmerican had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... MotleyGirl70 that's right!
Tennessee_Bob: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards RBA] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with MotleyGirl70! You know how I feel about MotleyGirl70!
Sungirl: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with MotleyGirl70!
Tennessee_Bob: Because I knew that I could never have MotleyGirl70. But RedbloodedAmerican promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Sungirl: What about respect for my feelings!
[Xenalyte walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Tennessee_Bob]
Xenalyte: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
[Again the crowd squeals]
Sungirl: Oh my God! Are you sick!?
[Sungirl runs across the room and wraps their arms around RBA tightly]
Sungirl: RedbloodedAmerican take me away from all of this!
RBA: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...
[The crowd does its bit]
Sungirl: Married?
[RBA nods]
Sungirl: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!
RBA: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to MotleyGirl70.
Tennessee_Bob: [screaming] WHAT!!!
Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?
MotleyGirl70: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 212,2897 times if that's what you mean.
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... RedbloodedAmerican is married to MotleyGirl70 who Tennessee_Bob has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Tennessee_Bob has recently become engaged to Sungirl who was recently spotted kissing RedbloodedAmerican in WalMart. Now on top of this, Xenalyte has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Tennessee_Bob.
MotleyGirl70: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job.
Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.
[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]
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