Posted on 03/19/2002 5:09:46 PM PST by farmfriend
Subject: I'm no Martha Stewart
Date: Mon, 18 Mar 2002 22:33:41 -0600
Martha's Way #1:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.
Martha's Way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Women's Way:
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's Way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Women's Way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
Martha's Way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."
The Real Women's Way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.
Martha's Way #5:
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
The Real Women's Way:
Celery? Never heard of the stuff.
Martha's Way #6:
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Real Women's Way:
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I just don't do it.
Martha's Way #7:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
The Real Women's Way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, YOU'RE NOW BLIND!
Martha's Way #9:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
The Real Women's Way:
Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.
And finally the most important tip
Martha's Way #10:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
The Real Women's Way:
Leftover wine??????
Yup! I read 'em all and just grinned my little waspish but off the subject... wen do we eat?
Pacifiers
First Child: When your first child drops her pacifier, you will make sure you boil it for 10 minutes to sterilize to keep her free from germs. You will do this approximately 200+ times a day.
Second Child: When you second child drops her pacifier, you will run it under hot water from the kitchen sink, if it looks dirty.
Third Child: When you're third child drops her pacifier, you will lick it clean. What's a little dirt anyway?
Fourth Child: When your fourth child drops her pacifier, you give it to the dog to lick it clean.
I can't remember who sent me that, or if it's the exact wording, but I thought it was pretty funny. ;-)
Dear, the only place one should go upon exiting the bottle, is directly to the Palate!!!!!!!
Describes her to a tee. But then again it is hard to screw up Wheaties and sour milk.
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