Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Donzerly lights]

If the 10 yr old is a boy, you might be able to try for custody when he gets to be 12 or 13?

[poweqi]

I'm sure they are learning how to be abusive too, and they are learning that ya stay in a abusive relationship. Kids are resilliant and can endure a lot. I'm sure they already have. Why don't you teach them that you DO NOT stay in an abusive situtation?

[poweqi]

situation, I mean.

[mwl1]

I'm sure you may be right, I am just not strong enough to take the plunge, I guess.

[poweqi]

Well, that is sad. I'll be praying for you. Just remember that you only get one shot at life and it would be a shame to spend it in misery.

[Canticle_of_Deborah]

Please read post #254. It's a good one.

[nobdysfool]

I'm sure you may be right, I am just not strong enough to take the plunge, I guess.

Dude, it's not a matter of strength, it's self-preservation. If you're staying, it's because on some level you believe what she says about you. You are letting her tell you how to feel about yourself, and about the marriage. If your counselor isn't telling you that, then you need a new counselor! You're setting a terrible example for your kids, too. Grow a backbone and stand up for yourself, and show your kids how a real man deals with abusive situations. You're too worried about how she'll react...I got news for you, YOU ALREADY KNOW how she'll react! So what? If she wants to make herself miserable, fine! Take away the supports that allow her to get away with it, and you'll be surprised how quickly she'll change her tune. You are enabling her, my friend!

..Can't take the plunge...? What are you afraid of? Being alone? In reality, you already are! Being alone as opposed to being in that kind of marriage is much preferable! I have a motto that has helped me a lot: I'd rather be in a relationship than be alone, but I'd rather be alone than be in a bad relationship. What you have described your home-life as being like is a classic "bad relationship", and you need to get out of it, for your own sake. It's destroying you slowly. Listen to yourself! You're not acting like a man, you're acting like a whipped puppy!

[connectthedots]

I guess she is content to stay because she has all the power, all the manipulation, all the control, and a very comfortable standard of living.

If you are bringing home the bacon, you can make it a lot less comfortable; after all, don't you think you should be saving more money. Maybe she needs to get a job to help save for the kids' education, if you know what I mean.

[connectthedots]

What you don't understand is that you now really have all the power, not her. You have nothing to lose. What is she going to do, withhold sex; she's already doing that? When you realize this fact and inform her that if she does not seek counselling, her life is going to change in ways she may not like.

[Canticle_of_Deborah]

You make some really good points there. The second half of your motto is MY motto!

[cactmh]

I haven't read everything you've wrote, but when it comes to the programming and hormones, I have to agree with you. We are programmed that way, like it or not.

[who knows what evil?]

"why go out for burgers when you've got steak at home?"

I took my wife on a 350-mile round trip to her favorite restaurant for a NY strip steak on her birthday last Saturday. I'm almost fifty, and it's not easy to jump in the car and go for an evening jaunt like that anymore, but it made her happy as a clam, and that's what it's all about. Even after twenty years, the thought of betraying her and my wedding vows before G-d would NEVER even cross my mind.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

I took my wife on a 350-mile round trip to her favorite restaurant for a NY strip steak on her birthday last Saturday.

You know, I think that is just charming.

[Barnacle]

Please have her (I presume the "other person" is female) contact me. I'd like to set the record straight.

[LN2Campy]

RE: that POST # 254

Sometimes a marriage can be SEXLESS, but the partners still have a high regard for one another and raise the children well. Should the man (who still needs and wants sex, but just ISN'T EVER going to get it again from the MRS.) just toss the marriage on that one ground, or, with the consent of his wife, DISCREETLY get a girl on the side????

[discostu]

Marriage is a contract. If you kept "forsaking all others" in your vows then that's the deal you signed up for and if you can't stick it out then you should end it. In another post on this thread I get pretty vocal about the train wreck that happens in a child's mind when the parents stay together "for the kids". It'll be even worse if you're sneaking around. The kids will know, they always find out, and they learn from your example, if the example you set is one filled with lies and deceit the kid will learn to be a sneaky. I know someone that was raised by a man with deep dark secrets (not philandery but in the same league), now the kid can't be trusted, to borrow a line from The Duke, if he tells you that night is dark and day is light you should go outside and check.