Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[Sloth]

You are a deluded doormat. Yes, I saw the 'we were only kidding' crap. It only added to the impression.

Confidence is the sexiest thing a man can have.

The motto of the modern female doormat, wherein "confidence" means 'having enough nerve to treat me like dirt.'

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

" Sorry to throw water on all these lofty excuses, but it really does come down to how well you do the nasty. "

That only applies to shallow men.

[Barnacle]

Is that what the Holy Bible says?

[iranger]

Obvious answer....because the cheatee is hotter.

[Intimidator]

Ok guys, heres my advice. Take up hunting to avoid these affairs. I'd much rather sit in the woods looking for deer than have sex.

[LN2Campy]

Either you know a lot more about hunting than I do, or I know a lot more about sex than you do!

[LN2Campy]

So women are supposed to just open up their legs anytime their husbands want them to? I wouldn't define that love by any sense of the word.

I wouldn't say that, but when the missus says that she's PERMANENTLY no longer interested in sex and there are kids involved and you're both a decent parenting team, sometimes looking outside, if done discreetly, is the best option.

[LN2Campy]

Sorry to be crude about it, but I think you folks want the truth.

To paraphrase the immortal words of Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men" -- They can't HANDLE the TRUTH!!!!!

[connectthedots]

:o) Obviously you posess wisdom that is far reaching to superficial trophy wife hunters. (btw...your wife was a fool to leave...but I sure hope you're blessed in your present life)

I've not been this happy in I don't know how many years. My life is blessed with many wonderful new friends I've met through Christian singles groups and dances.

I have found for the most part that the outward beauty of many middle-aged ladies is in large part a reflection of their inner qualities as well. I would not even consider marrying a woman who was much younger than me for a number of reasons, maturity being the biggest factor. Although children are wonderful, mine are grown and gone and I choose not to want to raise young children at this point in my life. Older children at home would not be a problem, but I want them grown and gone by the time I'm 55.

I also know a woman who was once a 'trophy wife' and based on her experience I believe trophy wives must be miserable for the most part. Ofrtunately she realized what she had done and she is now married to a wonderful guy who is actually a bit younger than she is. Can you imagine being wanted only for your physical beauty? What an self-image destroyer.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Can you imagine being wanted only for your physical beauty?

What is worse, only being wanted for your physical beauty, or only being kept around because you can do the nasty and knowing when that's no longer exciting that you are out on your rear. Because some men don't think that they have any control over their hormones and that's the way it is, toots.

[marajade]

No. But that is how I took your post to mean.

[connectthedots]

What is worse, only being wanted for your physical beauty, or only being kept around because you can do the nasty and knowing when that's no longer exciting that you are out on your rear. Because some men don't think that they have any control over their hormones and that's the way it is, toots.

You and I have no disagreement. There are a lot of men who are jerks out there. I never cheated on my ex-wife and the next time I have sex will be on my wedding night if and when I meet a woman with whom I am a soulmate. Men who refuse to control their sexual behavior do not deserve a good woman' because they are 'bad' men whom no decent woman would either date or marry. I will control my sexual urges, as strong as they are, until I am married. Sex, while important, is a horrible basis for marriage; it should be a reflection of the overall relationship between a husband and wife.

[Sloth]

Given the opportunity, the only thing that keeps a man from other sex, is the danger of losing BETTER sex from his wife if he does.

Speak for yourself. The fact that you model your morality after Bill Clinton doesn't mean that all of us do.

[homeschool mama]

You've got it right, sir! :oD You could teach a class to men to help *them* get it right!

For both women and men, the inner beauty is what is truly important. If a man has honor and character, it doesn't matter if he's aging a bit. Same goes for a woman.

I'm glad you're happy.

[CHICAGOFARMER]

Why do men cheat.

Men only have enought blood in their body to operate one head at a time. Therefore anytime the second head takes over, reason and logic goes out the window.

[homeschool mama]

bump

[homeschool mama]

What an absolutely superficial and narcissistic belief you maintain.

[proust]

You hit the nail right on the head. As Paul Newman said, when asked about how he's remained faithful for his long marriage, "why go out for burgers when you've got steak at home?"

Proust

[Barnacle]

No. But that is how I took your post to mean.

I hope no one else took it that way.