8 Shocking Things Artemis II Found On The Far Side Of The Moon

The Bee ^ | Apr 7, 2026 | The Bee

[dayglored]

The dark side of the moon has long been the subject of myth and speculation. What mysteries lie beyond the known lunar surface in that dark realm beyond our telescopes?

Now, The Babylon Bee can reveal what the crew of the Artemis II mission discovered on the other side of the moon:

1. Rocks: Lots and lots of rocks.

2. A Starbucks: Man, they really are everywhere.

3. 1,000,000,000 Mylar birthday balloons: So that's where they all end up.

4. A Somali daycare: The owner says it has a huge client base and is totally legit.

5. A Shohei Ohtani home run ball: Not even Earth's atmosphere can contain his power.

6. Several boxes labeled "Epstein Files": Someone must have been trying really hard to keep these from being found.

7. Amelia Earhart: Always the last place you'd think to look.

8. The Chinese moon base that's been there for years: Ope! Sorry, didn't know anyone was already here.

What an incredible treasure trove of amazing artifacts. What else did you expect them to find?

[Dr. Franklin]

[A_perfect_lady]

No Dollar General??

[lee martell]

Hunter’s ‘stolen’ bag of White House cocaine!

[A_perfect_lady]

Millions of socks, but none match.

[utax]

Kilroy

[Highest Authority]

Biden’s brain….

[Georgia Girl 2]

Obama’s birth certificate. 😏

[rdl6989]

Alice Kramden!!

I knew it would be in the first five posts.

[ImJustAnotherOkie]

Jimmy Hoffa?

[ProtectOurFreedom]

How could the Bee miss the most important thing of all?

https://x.com/MAGAVoice/status/2041293206642733311?s=20

[frank ballenger]

RE: “dark side”...

One of the early British tv series Space:1999 episodes was criticized for saying “dark side” but they claimed common parlance calls it that so the astronauts would, too. Sort of like Mercury moving retrograde instead of saying Mercury’s apparent retrograde movement. Or the Sun is rising and setting implying Earth stands still. Or US Income Tax instead of filthy theft of our money by the corrupt government. (That’s mine at the end.)

[Salamander]

😆

[Salamander]

I was surprised by the absence of a Dollar General.

( aka Holler Dollar)

[Zathras]

Hard to say what they saw but you can be sure Laz would hit it.

[Salamander]

We’re all thinking that obviously.

😄

[Disambiguator]

What happened to the “the” in the album title?

Incorrect - “Dark Side of the Moon”
Correct - “The Dark Side of the Moon”

Incorrect - “Smokey the Bear”
Correct - “Smokey Bear”

Mystery solved.

[Reily]

Where’s Dick Tracy’s Moon Maid?

[central_va]

A black monolith?

[dayglored]

> A black monolith?

I'm surprised it took 58 comments to see this one.

[Karliner]

hillary’s emails