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U.S. Embassy In Minneapolis Evacuated Over Safety Concerns For American Citizens
babylonbee.com ^ | March 6, 2026

Posted on 03/06/2026 12:47:31 PM PST by V_TWIN

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — The United States State Department issued an evacuation order for the U.S. embassy located in downtown Minneapolis on Friday, citing concerns over the safety of American citizens in the area.

In light of ongoing unrest in the Muslim world, the embassy advised all citizens to leave Minneapolis immediately as they began breaking down their own offices ahead of a final departure back to America.

"We've received multiple threats from Minneapolis narcoterrorist groups and believe it is in the best interest of ongoing diplomatic talks to abandon ship before someone tries to kill us," reported Paul Mayfield, U.S. ambassador to Minneapolis.

According to President Donald Trump, this order was a long time coming. "There was never any hope in Minneapolis. What an absolute nightmare. It's worse than Iran, if you can believe it," he said. "And let me tell you, Iran isn't looking so hot. Or, maybe it's pretty hot depending on your definition. The whole place is on fire. What were we talking about?"

In recent weeks, there had been hope that tensions would ease after the withdrawal of ICE agents. However, dark forces in Minneapolis pounced on the diplomatic retreat, seeing it as an apparent weakness. They instead redoubled their efforts in persecuting Americans.

"The embassy is fallen. All is laid waste," lamented Mayfield. "Would that I would only see that land again in my waking nightmares."

At publishing time, President Trump had authorized an initial wave of airstrikes on Minneapolis.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; minneapolis; satire; usembassy

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To: A strike

I’m with you on this one.


21 posted on 03/06/2026 2:23:28 PM PST by No name given ( Anonymous is who you’ll know me as )
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To: V_TWIN

Ya know, I actually took this x seriously for a moment.


22 posted on 03/06/2026 2:44:40 PM PST by Spacetrucker
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To: Skwor

I read the whole thing till the part of Trump ordering attack. The Beeeeee got me again.


23 posted on 03/06/2026 3:23:59 PM PST by healy61
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To: V_TWIN

“At publishing time, President Trump had authorized an initial wave of airstrikes on Minneapolis...”

Get any FReepers THE HELL OUT OF THERE then bomb it back to The Stone Age! ;)


24 posted on 03/06/2026 3:56:17 PM PST by Diana in Wisconsin (I don't have, 'Hobbies.' I'm developing a robust Post-Apocalyptic skill set.)
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To: PGR88

Oh, Jaysus! LOL!

Also - remind me NEVER to travel ANYWHERE with Tom Hanks! ;)


25 posted on 03/06/2026 3:57:06 PM PST by Diana in Wisconsin (I don't have, 'Hobbies.' I'm developing a robust Post-Apocalyptic skill set.)
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To: V_TWIN

LOL

I came in here to ask What are we doing with an American embassy in an American city ???

But its the Bee

Of course...

:)


26 posted on 03/06/2026 5:12:58 PM PST by Tennessee Nana
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To: Responsibility2nd

Of course it was...

The American Indians are descended from Somalis...

The Mayflower passengers were all Somalis...

And the New Netherland...

And dont forget the Winthrop Fleet...


27 posted on 03/06/2026 5:16:43 PM PST by Tennessee Nana
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To: V_TWIN

It’s a running joke in Prague.

“Czech and Russian relations at all time low. Czechia bombs Karlovy Vary in retaliation”


28 posted on 03/06/2026 5:30:04 PM PST by Organic Panic ('Was I molested. I think so' - Ashley Biden in response to her father joining her in the shower)
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