Posted on 06/22/2025 2:02:49 AM PDT by Cronos
We have moved into an era where many men no longer seek women to impress other men or to connect across difference. They perform elsewhere. Alone. They’ve filtered us out.
I recently experienced a flicker of possibility. With James. We met on Raya, the dating app. There was something mutual from the start — wordplay, emotional precision, a tone that felt attuned. It was brief, but it caught light. I remember saying to him, “Even fleeting connections matter, when they’re mutual and lit from the inside.” I meant it.
There was just enough spark to wonder what might unfold. Enough curiosity to imagine a doorway. But he didn’t step through it. Not with a plan. Not with presence. He hovered — flirting, retreating, offering warmth but no direction.
Sexual tension and a spark aren’t reason enough to sit still and hope there’s substance behind the shimmer. So I named what I felt. I texted him clearly, with care, not simply to declare attraction but to extend a real invitation to explore what was possible. I didn’t chase. I invited, leaving the door open. If he ever wanted to cross the threshold — not just to take, but to meet — I was willing. I wanted. I still do.
He never replied. He still follows my Instagram stories — one of those small gestures of passive engagement that so many of us now mistake for closeness. It looks like interest. It feels like silence.
There are thousands of Jameses. I have known dozens. The arc varies, but the undertow is familiar.
...here’s what’s real: We never needed you to be perfect. We needed you to be with us. Not above. Not muted. Not masked. Just with.
(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...
Robert Plant has entered the chat.
You nailed the majority of the problem.
Another issue is that girls are told they are Boss Babes (even if they aren't a babe), Queens, etc. They are also told that they can have it all, even though their value as mates decreases with age, body count, poor counts, and on and on. Many women want to be able to party like rock stars, get all tatted up, and still deserve to wear that white dress while still going on their "girl's trips".
Many of these modern women want traditional men, but they aren't the least bit traditional themselves. They just want the equation to be one-sided, their side.
I'm going on 27 years of marriage (met the old fashioned way, in a bar through mutual friends), and should something happened and I wanted to re-marry, I would head back to Asia, or over Eastern Europe, where women know how to be women and understand the traditional roles.
No thanks to all four.
I love President Trump, but I don’t find him attractive.
Billy Gibbons is repulsive. What a disgusting beard. Ugh!
Neither Robert Plant nor Kurt Russell are attractive. Especially now at their advanced ages.
Old men? GROSS!!
Some of you males on this thread really need to reign in your egos.
Are you assuming my gender? Ha ha, just kidding.
It's not men's egos. It's just stating observations shared by many, including women, and found to hold up to scrutiny again and again.
You may not find older men attractive but plenty of women do. Hypergamy is real and women will monkeybranch to someone who could satiate their desire for access to power and resources.
You’re right. I mis-read.
I HATED that movie and that is the reason why. She leaves a decent kind boyfriend and goes on to lead a depraved life, makes a mess of it and then returns to him so that he can fix it for her. UGH. How nice of her.
Good for you. Sad though because it is so nice to be in a committed relationship. I have always preferred the company of men over women just for that reason. I cannot stand the drama and hysterics of most women (and I am a woman). Have been married forever to one man.
Fact: plenty of women disagree with you about that as evidenced by the demonstrated ability of wealthy older men to get attractive young women as shown across time and across various cultures.
Same here.
What a wonderful story!
Thanks a bunch for brightening my day 😀
It seems that not all is lost yet…
Thanks. It made my day to witness and be part of good story too.
Things have taken a sad turn. It is horrifying what America is becoming. The culture really is poisoned and we seem to be losing the culture war. Here is hoping that things change before they get too bad.
As a conservative woman I don’t think it makes any difference. If you save it for marriage men call you “uptight” and a “prude” just as they call liberal women “sluts”. If you want kids they accuse you of trying to tie your man down just as they call women who don’t want kids “masculine” and “not real women”. If a woman works outside the home she’s “a competitor not a teammate”. If she doesn’t work outside the home she’s leeching off his income. Anyone who says pleasing men is simple has never tried dating one!
Like most conservative women I do want to please my man, but to do that I need a roadmap, preferably one that is less complicated than my tax returns. I may not have a fancy degree in psychology or whatever degree this NYT lady has, but I do know that when the goalposts keep moving the team should find another field to play on.
Fortunately not all men are like that. I married an Asian guy who spent the first 14 years of his life in Asia. Smartest decision I ever made. It’s nice being married to a man who doesn’t drink, never gains weight, and still looks 20 at 35, to be sure, but the best part is the lack of whining and nagging too many American men dish out.
Utterance of those sentences alone make her undatable. Yikes.
Agree 100%. If anyone, male or female, came at me with that twaddle I'd back away slowly.
There has been a war on men and boys, right from kindergarten onward. They have tried to eradicate masculinity and make men second class citizens, praising women and condemning men.
And yet there has been a 4400% increase in teen girls trying to transition to male compared to a 1000% increase in teen boys trying to become girls. This is a historic departure from the traditional transsexual, who is a middle-aged man who thinks he's a woman. Seems to me if women and femininity really were praised through the roof we wouldn't have so many girls trying to opt out of being women.
Just look at this very thread. Lots of folks blaming women, almost none trying to hold men accountable for their own choices to purchase porn. When was the last time you saw "feminine" used in a positive context here on FR? If women can "make" men turn to porn, then conservatives can "make" teen girls hate their own bodies. Or we can continue to be the side of personal responsibility for both sexes.
It's not always the case that the good-looking guy is the jerk and the ugly guy is the nice guy. Sometimes ugly men have ugly attitudes to match, and have no one but themselves to blame when they end up alone. Just my 0.02.
Interesting story.
That latter description perfectly fits many women in their 30s who having failed to secure an elite man, now decide they better settle for some schlub (in their view) who can at least provide for them as they hurry up and have a kid or two before its too late...which is rapidly approaching.
Do they want to have a kid before it's too late, though? More childless men than childless women say they want to have children. Among women my age (mid-30's) childlessness is not seen as something to pity in a woman. It's just the new normal. How that came to be is above my pay grade to answer.
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/02/15/among-young-adults-without-children-men-are-more-likely-than-women-to-say-they-want-to-be-parents-someday/
What’s possible from his point of view is that the wrong woman can destroy his life on a whim.
As if the wrong man has never been able to destroy a woman's life (or end it) on a whim.
Law of nature: Ugly men miraculously get more attractive to most women the richer the men get.
Go figure.
Lol.
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