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Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back. {Women wondering about the lack of real men}
New York times ^ | 20yh June 2025 | Rachel Drucker

Posted on 06/22/2025 2:02:49 AM PDT by Cronos

We have moved into an era where many men no longer seek women to impress other men or to connect across difference. They perform elsewhere. Alone. They’ve filtered us out.

I recently experienced a flicker of possibility. With James. We met on Raya, the dating app. There was something mutual from the start — wordplay, emotional precision, a tone that felt attuned. It was brief, but it caught light. I remember saying to him, “Even fleeting connections matter, when they’re mutual and lit from the inside.” I meant it.

There was just enough spark to wonder what might unfold. Enough curiosity to imagine a doorway. But he didn’t step through it. Not with a plan. Not with presence. He hovered — flirting, retreating, offering warmth but no direction.

Sexual tension and a spark aren’t reason enough to sit still and hope there’s substance behind the shimmer. So I named what I felt. I texted him clearly, with care, not simply to declare attraction but to extend a real invitation to explore what was possible. I didn’t chase. I invited, leaving the door open. If he ever wanted to cross the threshold — not just to take, but to meet — I was willing. I wanted. I still do.

He never replied. He still follows my Instagram stories — one of those small gestures of passive engagement that so many of us now mistake for closeness. It looks like interest. It feels like silence.

There are thousands of Jameses. I have known dozens. The arc varies, but the undertow is familiar.

...here’s what’s real: We never needed you to be perfect. We needed you to be with us. Not above. Not muted. Not masked. Just with.

(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: dating; manosphere; men; mgtow; pua; redpill; triggerwarning; women
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To: yldstrk

Oh dang, you beat me to it.

Should have read the rest of the thread first, I suppose. We’re on the same page.


141 posted on 06/22/2025 7:07:59 AM PDT by FreedomPoster (Islam delenda est)
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To: RoosterRedux

👍


142 posted on 06/22/2025 7:08:55 AM PDT by FreedomPoster (Islam delenda est)
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To: Ikeon
Porn replaced the dreams of good men because women traded mens dreams for divorce which can destroy a man's life. So, for men, its watch porn, or chase a woman who's eventually going to break you?

So basically, rather than try to fix a broken system that men created and broke, they chose to run and hide behind their computer screens. Yup, that will fix things.

143 posted on 06/22/2025 7:09:37 AM PDT by TwelveOfTwenty (Prayers for the US and President Trump)
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To: nonliberal

“There are several things in this article that I take issue with. First off, the author’s use of the term “cis heterosexual man.” “

That alone would make me run.


144 posted on 06/22/2025 7:12:52 AM PDT by aquila48 (Do not let them make you "care" ! Guilting you is how they. control you. )
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To: A_perfect_lady

You don’t understand. “A lot of men” aren’t players. Only the top 10% to 20% of men can be players. Women aid them being players by only interacting with them. 80% of men are invisible to women until the women hit the wall.


145 posted on 06/22/2025 7:18:59 AM PDT by alternatives?
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To: Cronos

146 posted on 06/22/2025 7:20:58 AM PDT by aquila48 (Do not let them make you "care" ! Guilting you is how they. control you. )
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To: TwelveOfTwenty

yeah, they broke it by passing the 19th amendment ... I could never figure out why they did something so stupid ...


147 posted on 06/22/2025 7:21:03 AM PDT by bankwalker (Feminists, like all Marxists, are ungrateful parasites.)
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To: Jonty30

Where?


148 posted on 06/22/2025 7:21:03 AM PDT by Chickensoup
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To: Chickensoup

How many women and concubines did Solomon have?


149 posted on 06/22/2025 7:23:09 AM PDT by Jonty30 (He was so fat that it took a year for his memory foam mattress to forget him. )
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To: Chickensoup

As a king, Solomon interacted with a lot of people.


150 posted on 06/22/2025 7:30:16 AM PDT by alternatives?
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To: yldstrk
On that topic, I would like to share a true story that just occurred. I hope it offers the author a little insight.

At the diner for breakfast I took the last open booth. Before sitting, I noticed the next booth was occupied by a Mom and her two boys. One probably about 5 and the other a toddler.

As the waitress approached to take my order, a tiny blonde head, with blue eyes and a big smile popped up over the back rest. He began babbling. I replied, good morning Junior. He seemed tickled and then immediately disappeared, back to poking and "conversing" with his brother, who sat beside him.

At one point Junior reached for the ketchup bottle. No one stopped him. In an instant he was squirting ketchup into his cup of milk. Mom was concerned, but maintained her composure and gently told Junior, "young men don't that". Then she ordered him another milk.

I laughed quitely to myself as I thought, "she just doesn't get it, that is exactly what young men do".

Long story short, i finished breakfast. As i rose to the leave, i passed by their booth. I told Mom that I thoroughly enjoyed watching her boys be boys and thanked her for allowing them to be so. Then I asked if I could pay for her family's breakfast. Her smile was all the thanks i need. Before i walked away I look directly at Junior and wished him a fun day while reminding him to try to be a good boy for mom. He managed a genuine wave and "bye bye".

Have a wonderful day.

151 posted on 06/22/2025 7:31:55 AM PDT by Kudsman (I am Coal baby! Burning for you. )
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To: yldstrk
You look like a fool if you a very much older than she is.

To whom? Women? Most men may question her motives because let's face it, that doesn't happen unless he's rich, but pretty much every guy understands exactly why he would want her and were we in his place (ie single, wealthy and older) might well make a similar choice.

152 posted on 06/22/2025 7:41:33 AM PDT by FLT-bird
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To: Jonty30

Ikeon
Solomon searched the world for a righteous man, he found 1 in 1000, he never found a righteous woman, never..

.......
How many women and concubines did Solomon have?

.......

What does that have to do with finding a righteous woman?


153 posted on 06/22/2025 7:47:42 AM PDT by Chickensoup
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To: alternatives?

So?


154 posted on 06/22/2025 7:48:27 AM PDT by Chickensoup
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To: Chickensoup

He had 700 chances to find one from all the ones he took.


155 posted on 06/22/2025 7:50:16 AM PDT by Jonty30 (He was so fat that it took a year for his memory foam mattress to forget him. )
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To: Jonty30

I have 700 chances to play the lottery but only if that’s the game I am playing.


156 posted on 06/22/2025 7:54:14 AM PDT by Chickensoup
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To: aquila48
Let me amend your statement.

By feminism lowering the price of what men wanted most from women, the really top tier most attractive men all of sudden could get the “milk” without having to “buy the cow”. What a deal!.....for them.

Sadly for women, this didn’t get them what THEY naturally most want from a man - committment, security, affection, a home with kids.....because they unrealistically thought that by giving the most attractive men what those men wanted, then they could get what they most wanted from those men only to discover once they hit the wall and all their youth is gone that though they could get booty calls, they could not get a ring.

And as for elite men, whereas pre-pill they would have been more motivated to pay the high price of a long term commitment and “settle down” in return for a woman’s “affection”, now they could get what they wanted without paying that price. What a deal!

Sadly that deal didn’t really work out all that well for either most women or men.

Women are not getting what they want most from a man - long term commitment, a family - hence millions of bitter cat ladies including this author and as for the 80% of men that women rate as "below average" they get no attention from women in their teens or 20s and only get attention from women who themselves have hit the wall, have none of their youth left after giving it up for over a decade to every elite man they thought they had a chance with. Women who these men know full well don't really want to be with them, but who are desperate to have a child or two in the limited time they have left to do so and view the men they end up with as disposable sperm donors and financial backers they can discard at will. Thus many of them opt out.

And the biggest loser in all of this is society through the decay of family and the rise of loneliness, bitterness and division.

157 posted on 06/22/2025 8:00:42 AM PDT by FLT-bird
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To: Chickensoup

7:28 “which my soul has sought repeatedly, but I have not found. One man among a thousand I found, but a woman among all these I have not found.” ESV


158 posted on 06/22/2025 8:01:20 AM PDT by alternatives?
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To: TwelveOfTwenty
So basically, rather than try to fix a broken system that men created and broke, they chose to run and hide behind their computer screens. Yup, that will fix things.

Except men didn't create it. Feminazism did.

159 posted on 06/22/2025 8:02:07 AM PDT by FLT-bird
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To: FLT-bird

It’s worse than that.

The young women nowadays all want a “high value man.”

I came from an upper middle class family with two college-educated parents. I was easily a 7.5 to 8 in my youth (even won a regional beauty pageant). My parents fully expected me to marry a doctor, lawyer, CPA, or engineer.

They did not expect me to marry Tony, the tattooed mechanic.

But I saw what they did not see: honesty, integrity, hardworking, god-fearing, fiercely loyal. He was a warrior to the world but very gentle to me.

My siblings and friends thought I was crazy. My parents both approved.

Was life easy? No, it was a slog at times, especially when medical debt crushed us to near bankruptcy. But we never turned on each other. We stayed united no matter what.

I can honestly say he has provided me with an amazing life. I have all the material possessions I could ever want, have lived in beautiful homes, enjoyed trips and great experiences. I have always worked, sometimes earning more than him, for the comfort of the family.

I am still mad crazy in love with him 35 years later and he still desires me.

Young women would not even see a man like him now. They would ignore him.

They want a wallet with a man attached, not the man.

Women like that don’t deserve any man.


160 posted on 06/22/2025 8:10:21 AM PDT by TheWriterTX (🇺🇸✝️🙏🇮🇱)
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