Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back. {Women wondering about the lack of real men}

New York times ^ | 20yh June 2025 | Rachel Drucker

[Cronos]

The article bemoans the loss of men to porn. While that is true, the author doesn't realize how her own words show the way society pushes men away

[Equine1952]

This it funny. I drove myself crazy chasing females. I was a walking hardon. Then again none tried to sue me for maleness or having a bulge in my shorts. This was back in the 60’s/ 70’s. I’ve been married for 53 years. The girl has always had a house, money, and kids (2) to care for. It didn’t seem that hard. Guess my mom and dad raised me right. I wonder if there’s a connection to my happiness and that?

[nopardons]

BTTT

[GenXPolymath]

I am sure conservative women that take care of themselves with pride in their appearances ,have loyalty, affection and compassion don’t worry about where the real mean are they are quietly sleeping next to one right now with a dog or two between them both sleeping the sleep of the righteous.

Porn is not the issue. Woke mind virus is the issue.

[Steely Tom]

Go out in the woods and find a bear.

[Jonty30]

Men use porn to substitute for the love they need. Almost all men, who use porn, do so because they aren’t feeling loved by women.

Women have made it clear in the dating world that only the top 20% of men can expect love. The rest are told they have to do without. They do without, until they are in their thirties when women are willing to return, because they’ve come back down to earth. However, most men feel gypped in life on that point when they are finally able to interact with women again.

That is why men are staying away. They perceive an unfair deal by the time they are in their thirties.

[FLT-bird]

There are plenty of men around until women hit the wall and all their youth is gone. Its women who are pushing the overwhelming majority of men away up until that point. The prospect of being with a woman who no longer has a single ay of her youth to offer, who's been around the block too many times chasing elite men who are out of her league, who turned down average or even above average men until that point and who he has to know doesn't really want to be with him but is now desperate and thinks she's settling is not very appealing.

It is not only not appealing for all the above reasons, but he's also got to worry that she will marry him to get the child or two she wants and then will divorce him (since she didn't really want him in the first place) and financially cripple him with alimony and child support for the next 20 years. He will at best get visitation with his kid(s).

Feminazis and the Courts have made the deal so lousy for men that they are opting out. Most men are not seeking a subservient woman who will stay barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen - the accusation feminazis will immediately leap to - but getting at least some of what they want and not getting completely raked over the coals if it doesn't work is not too much to expect. Its the minimum that men are going to have to get, or they're simply going to say no deal.

[Celtic Conservative]

Porn doesn’t try to take half of everything you own. For that much neither does any number of things men have chosen to spend their time on rather than chase women. Men have given up on women because the risks outweighed the benefits. Forget about rejection, men were afraid of losing their jobs, their money and even their freedom for dating the wrong woman. Under those circumstances it’s no wonder men said “f*** it, I’m out” and living their lives their own way. This is certainly having an effect on stable 2 parent households. And there is certainly blame to go around. But a lot of it must be laid at the feet of feminists who have told women they can “have it all” for the last 50 years while demonizing anything to do with men. NOBODY can have it all. Not women, not men. Nobody can. It’s an irrational and unobtainable goal. Porn isn’t the disease. It’s just a symptom.

CC

[John Galt's cousin]

‘Body Count’ and ‘Me Too’ probably have a lot to do with men being cautious.

[Kudsman]

Good morning. I don't have a NYT subscription. The excerpt posted here is interesting enough that I would like to read 'the rest of the story'. Could someone please add the missing text?

I am hoping the author reaches the conclusion that toxic femininity shares blame in the relationship quandry. I don't need to be fixed, just accepted for my differences.

[Jonty30]

Then there is this

[Jonty30]

Just do a search in the duckduckgo and the article will show up in other places.

[Jonty30]

Then there is this

[Kudsman]

Oh ok. Thanks. Weird I never knew that after all this time. Learn something new every day. :)

[Mark17]

That is why men are staying away.

Or going elsewhere.

[Badboo]

https://archive.is/ will get most things.

[Kudsman]

That was easy. Thanks again. One problem right off the bat for the author. Date dude is named Troy. Lol

[Blueflag]

What you said!

Hate to say it, but ... I bet if I met the female author of this article (as a younger single man) I doubt I would find her to be someone who might be a candidate as my soulmate.

Why do I say this? She writes for the NYT. Easy stereotype to form in my head. Not the kindest thing to do, I know. But stereotypes are often deserved based on experiences in life.

Now, let’s suppose she was on the FoxNews, Daily Signal, TownHall or other respectable conservative sites. My stereotype I formed in my head would be different.

Liberal women, Progressives actually, trend towards ugly on the inside, self-centered, mysogenists even if they are outwardly attractive.

All that said, I’ve been married over 47 years to a woman who is devoted to me, respects and loves me, and that is MUTUAL.

A big difference perhaps is the role of God and faith in our lives.

[af_vet_1981]

Porn isn’t the disease.

Porneia is a deadly, mortal, addictive, sin that separates one from God and kills the soul. Flee porneia.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

1 Thessalonians 4:1-5
Furthermore then we beseech you, brethren, and exhort you by the Lord Jesus, that as ye have received of us how ye ought to walk and to please God, so ye would abound more and more.
For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus.
For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:
That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;
Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:

Revelation 22:10-15
And he saith unto me, Seal not the sayings of the prophecy of this book: for the time is at hand.
He that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let him be holy still.
And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be.
I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.
Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city.
For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

[Enterprise]

"There was something mutual from the start — wordplay, emotional precision, a tone that felt attuned."

Good grief. Yeah, that will attract a manly man. Hey Rachel, try something like: "I had my doubts that Rodgers would work out well with the Jets, and I am skeptical that he will be any better with the Steelers. What do you think?"

Or this: "Ya know, I think that 'great taste, less filling' commercial with the two women wrestling around was one of the funniest beer commercials ever. What's your favorite?"