10 Famous Quotes From History As Reported By The Associated Press

Babylon Bee ^ | Sep 8, 2024 | Babylon Bee

[dayglored]

As everyone knows, the Associated Press is 100% trustworthy in every single quote they have ever covered. It truly seems like they are the only ones, apart from us at the Bee, who don't add any bias or spin to their stories.

To commemorate the AP's long and distinguished record of quoting people accurately, we at the Babylon Bee have put together 10 famous historical quotes as reported by the Associated Press:

1. "The only thing we have… is fear itself." — Franklin D. Roosevelt: What a downer!

2. "That's one small... man." — Neil Armstrong: Everyone looks small from the moon, Neil.

3. "You miss one hundred percent of the shots you... take." — Wayne Gretzky: Sometimes, the truth hurts.

4. "I am literally....... Hitler." — Donald Trump: Can't believe he just came out and said it.

5. "Ask not." — John F. Kennedy: Words the Kamala campaign lives by.

6. "I have a dream that one day... little boys will be... little girls." — Martin Luther King Jr.: Oh dear.

7. "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that men are... endowed... well." — Declaration of Independence: A strange beginning to the American Revolution.

8. "Give me death!" — Patrick Henry: Not a smart request.

9. "December... will live in infamy" — Franklin D. Roosevelt: Gee, someone hates Christmas.

10. "I did... that woman." — Bill Clinton: Okay, the AP might have gotten this one right.

Thanks for all your great work, AP!

[dayglored]

Not quite how I remember it, but the Bee is always right!

[marktwain]

This is an exceptionally good Babylon Bee article...

Exceptionally good!

[MayflowerMadam]

Very good.

[Alas Babylon!]

Also, Bill Clinton: Vedi, Vici... “Veni in a hyacintho habitu”

[Empire_of_Liberty]

I love The Bee! They do a great job with this one poking fun at the “quoting” of the Deep State Press.

America’s fake press should be charged for its dishonest use of “quotes”. They are true, in proportion to the amount of text quoted.

Donald Trump leads in honesty, by this example, as he is quoted only in single words. The DSP fills in the rest of the text with lies.

[Gay State Conservative]

Great

[Robert357]

I just spent five minutes trying to work through their “manage cookies” list and gave up. No way am I going to allow them to sell my data to all those companies for “legitimate interest.”

I love the satire of the Bee, but this is nuts.

[KarlInOhio]

I call it Dowdizing a quote after Maureen Dowd removed the part from a Bush quote about the captured and the killed to leave "The Taliban... are not a problem" and then ridicule him for being foolish.

[dayglored]

That’s the reason I take the time to HTML-format their entire article and the image when I post on FR. You don’t actually need to click through to the Bee to read any more of the article; I don’t excerpt their stuff, and they don’t seem to mind.

[Leep]

Top 10 Bee article.

[Billthedrill]

"We came, we saw, he died." Hillary Clinton, on the death of Moamar Ghadafi.

Oh, wait, she really did say that. My bad.

[TBP]

Vidi, vici, veni.