Posted on 09/06/2024 5:24:30 AM PDT by george76
QUANTICO, VA — Following yet another violent tragedy that took innocent young lives, the Federal Bureau of Investigation assured the public that the next ten mass shooters were also on their radar.
Citizens expressed confusion after the FBI admitted that the latest shooter was someone the agency was aware of. Still, an FBI spokesman promised the American people that not only was this shooter on the bureau's radar, but the next ten perpetrators of mass casualty were as well.
"The public can rest easy knowing that we're fully aware of the next several shooters," said FBI Special Agent Owen Gaffney. "We have multiple individuals under close surveillance at this time, and we are confident that each of them will eventually become a mass murderer. The American people can have full confidence in the FBI to keep watching these suspects so we can identify them and notify the public immediately after they do something truly horrific."
When asked if the FBI needed to make changes to the way it handles potential mass shooters in the future, Gaffney said things were working perfectly as they are. "We have a foolproof process," he said. "Look at our track record of knowing about all of these dangerous people before they do terrible things. We've got them pegged, sometimes for months or years beforehand. We've already got the list of the next ten shooters. Just watch. You'll know we're telling the truth as soon as the shootings happen."
At publishing time, the FBI admitted that it had been too busy training would-be Trump assassin Thomas Crooks to do anything to prevent the latest school shooting.
The Babylon Bee.
Saying what we all are thinking.
+++
Sadly, this is not fiction.
The anti-gun lobby requires that the FBI permit these shooters to complete their plans.;-)
Obama/Holder’s FBI has been training and then catching them for many years
If Harris is elected, the Bee will be one of her first casualties.
If only this were satire!
In other news Democrat Congressional staffers have been caught making plane reservations to the location of the next five mass shootings so they can howl about gun grabbing legislation.
:-)
I think it’s time for the Feddies to put away their J6 Feddie Posse badges and pink Keystone Cops hats and start concentrating on these public school kids killing innocent people to include their classmates or former classmates. A 14 year old takes a RIFLE too school, murders four innocent people and wounds many out and everybody around acts surprised. What the ****! Every dumbass that didn’t see this coming as we entered into election season needs to layoff off the “recreational” drugs for a while.
We’re really going to catch hell when all these illegal alien invader gangs start recruiting the Head Start, Kindergarten and other elementary school Tater Tot Toddlers in our public schools and train the little chimps to start killing more people than they already are,
When did the Bee start publishing real news?.................
The federal police state agencies are garbage, weaponized against conservatives.
No wonder Trump won’t take briefings from them for fear of being set up for leaking classified information.
https://www.axios.com/2024/08/22/trump-decline-intelligence-briefings-leak
If Trump doesn’t get in, it will be even worse.
Maybe the fibs are paying too much attention to these disturbed kids.
I see a trend. An early teen kid has known mental and emotional issues. The feds know about them. The parents know the feds know about them and then the parent buys the disturbed kid an AR. Sure. Do we ever see the parents getting locked up?
The Fibs deserve every bit of distrust they are getting.
EC
IF they aren't killed by the kid , you can bet that they will be sued for every last cent they have.
I agree.
You betcha.
That's a misprint. "Mass shooters" needs to be replaced with "gun-owning white republicans."
The problem is that there are tens or hundreds of thousands of people on the FBIs radar and we don’t know which of those thousands will be the next 10 mass shooters.
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