Posted on 02/04/2024 1:54:47 PM PST by CMS
I recently lost my wife of 16 years to cardiac failure. Her loss has been devastating. We had a fight before we went to bed and our last words were not pleasant. When the alarm went off and I rolled over and saw her laying there eyes open and motionless, I knew I lost her. I'd give ANYTHING to tell her that I 'm sorry for the fight and to tell her that I love her one more time.
I called 911 and everyone showed up, and I was treated like a criminal that potentially murdered her for 3 hours until the coroner arrived and said it was cardiac failure. After that was said everyone's demeanor towards me changed and they became more sympathetic.
She always loved the beach and we went every chance we got. One of her happiest memories was when we were on a beach at Montego Bay Jamacia
I went with a beach theme for her urn, so now I feel she's forever at the beach
“It’s hard to move on. “
“It’s not that you forget, because you don’t. And it’s not that you become used to it, because you don’t. And it’s not that you learn to live with it, because you don’t. It’s that somehow you come to be able to live with it.” (Anonymous)
Find a grief support group, and if that doesn’t help find another till you find one that does.
My partner died 3 days after Thanksgiving in 2022. I had taken care of her for the last 6 years and we told each other every day how much we loved one another. I was able to keep her at home until the last day. I am glad I told her how I felt all the time. We had been together for 27 years.
Good of you to share your regret and your love. May the Lord smile on you and you sadness be lifted in time.
You did good. I’m trying to think if I’ve argued with you or anything recently. I hope I didn’t. Hang in there buddy. That had to be tough also, people acting like it was your fault.
It could happen to ANYONE.
My sincere condolences. I lost my wife of 35 years last December. But we must go on. Life is too precious and short. Stay strong and cherish all the good memories. It is unusual for couple to not argue in a long marriage. But the happy memories are paramount and helps us heal the pain of loss.
May God keep you. I am sorry for your loss. I am sure at the moment of her death only the love you shared mattered to her soul. All else was forgotten and forgiven so that she could greet her Savior with no burden on her soul. It will take time to work through your regret but be assured she does not share it. You were blessed for 16 years. Carry those blessings through your remaining years.
we are only human....
I still worry whether I showed my dad how much I loved and respected him and appreciated him...he grew up poor and neglected....he's been gone 18 yrs..it stays with you...
two brothers gone now and really thinking how much more I should have done....
life....
You are under no obligation to move on to the time table of anyone else. At some point the memory of her will bring a smile before it brings tears. Till then be kind to yourself.
“Those we love don’t go away.
They walk beside us every day.
Unseen, unheard, but always near
Still loved, still missed, and very dear.”
― Alex MacLean, Grave Situation
She hears you.
We’re all sorry for your loss. This isn’t your fault.
Don’t rush yourself. Go easy on the alcohol. Don’t turn into a hermit, stay in touch with your friends. Just like things you had in the military. Just be brave for another five minutes, keep trudging forward,. Over time the memories will grow, and the pain will lessen. And then some magic day, you’ll wake up and the good memories will be stronger than the pain. You can do this brother.
Your story touched me deeply, and strengthened my resolve to have our last words of the day be loving.
You have given us some wise thoughts.
No matter what kind of a day we’ve had, no matter how much one has pissed off the other, the last words we say to each other at the end of the day are “I love you!”
Nothing is guaranteed.
Words for all of us to live by, regardless of age or health!
My partner died over a year ago and I seem to be moving at snail’s pace I can’t bring myself to move anything that belonged to her or even clean out the closets and drawers in our bedroom.
Excellent advice, beautifully expressed.
Thanks.
So sorry. Please accept my condolences. Beautiful tribute.
So sorry to hear that, entropy12. We were wondering where you were. Condolences to you and your family.
My condolences as I remember she had been dealing with cancer.
It was devastating. Some of the things that helped me through it were great daughters, lots of friends (which were mostly hers as I was more reserved), a company who appreciated my work which I dove deep into to stay too busy for depression and a weekly class suggested by fellow freepers called griefshare, which was well worth the time invested even if I was the only guy versus a dozen plus women who completed the course.
I understand. My hubs died 3 years ago Christmas Eve.’ His hairbrush is still on the sink edge. I wrote the following the week of what would have been his 68th birthday just a few months after he died. I think you’ will understand.
“I had Bill’s clothes folded and placed neatly in a few laundry baskets and put out of the way That meant I did not have to really regard them except when I made a mental note to get them to the Salvation Army. But there was hamper by the bed that I had not dealt with. The clothes in it were clean but they had been there since Bill’s came home from his first hospital stay. So they had just been tossed there to get them out of the way.
The hamper was not full and I had to reach down to gather a couple of shirts, a pajama bottom, a pair of shorts, so ordinary and I was getting on with it just fine. Until I came across his blue jeans. Faded, scuffed up hem. worn out pocket, always sliding down his skinny ass, blue jeans. And I sobbed.
It was not the sobbing of sentimentality. It was a sobbing for the wrongness of an empty pair of blue jeans which in the right order of the universe belonged on my husband. Jeans that could be kicked off at the end of the day and left on the floor, because the hamper would be there in the morning or next laundry day or someone else picked them up. Jeans stiff from the line pulled over legs and ass still damp from the shower. Jeans he wore the last night he was home with me. His jeans.
But the universe went wrong and now they were just a pair of jeans that somebody else could use. So they got folded and boxed along with the rest. I don’t need them for memories. But most of all I don’t need their emptiness. I have enough of that now.”
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