Posted on 02/01/2023 10:43:23 AM PST by sodpoodle
One of my pet peeves is when a left-handed person puts the twistie-tie on my loaf of bread...
Men go to work and make fun of each other all day long.
They don’t mean it.
Women go to work and tell each other how beautiful they are
They don’t mean it either...
That’s because we can’t think of which way to twist it, so we twist it Both ways.
Actually, I think I’ve encountered that...
2005-Vanity Fair. Christopher Hitchens wrote “Women are Not Funny”. Here it is.
https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2007/01/hitchens200701
Like my dad always said: I do is the last sentence you will ever finish.
Except on some Chrysler products up into the early 70s, cars with spinner hubs, some heavy equipment and some military vehicles. Lefty tighty righty loosey.
OFFSPRING-When my oldest daughter was 6 or 7, we had to take her to the hospital. My wife went to the ER with her. I went to do the paperwork.
Clerk: “Middle name?”
Me: “Uh. Elizabeth?”
Clerk: Birthdate?”
Me: “Uh. April something.”
Thank you, sod. I chuckled reading this.
Like my dad always said: I do is the last sentence you will ever finish.
_______________________________
“I Do” is a lifetime sentence. At least it should be.
MARRIAGE: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
Probably the most true statement in the history of humankind.
Did you tell them in the delivery room or did you wait until they were taken home?;-)
That reminds me of a joke our priest told at Mass one day. He said he had interviewed a husband and wife who were celebrating their 50th anniversary and asked what their secret was.
The wife said, “Well, before we got married, we agreed that he would make all the important decisions, and that I would make all the unimportant ones.”
The priest turned to the husband and asked if this was true. The husband said, “yes, but she hasn’t told me when there’s been an important decision to make!”
I have never met an unhappier woman in my life. All she (the mother) did was complain. As an aside, her father was a great guy...he traveled all the time on business.
I broke up with the girl shortly thereafter.
I saw her years later and she looked just like her mother. Unhappy.
MARRIAGE: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
This honestly is the reason for most divorces (marriage being the only 100% reason).
Police Inspector: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card?
Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Inspector: Then why are you reporting it now?
Husband: I think now the thief’s wife has started using it.
In my experience, men DO change after marriage; often a lot, especially when they begin to have children.
“Except on some Chrysler products up into the early 70s, cars with spinner hubs, some heavy equipment and some military vehicles.”
I was a left-handed teenager on a military base overseas. On a cold, snowy winter morning, an Army lieutenant colonel in our apartment building was having a hard time with a flat tire on his military vehicle, a jeep I think. He was a desk-riding officer and small.
My mother said I was bigger and younger than he was and to go out an help him. I went out and he said the lug nuts were frozen. I grabbed the 4-way lug wrench and spun them right off. He stood there for a minute and then said, “You turned them the wrong way!” I answered, “Sorry, sir,” and went back inside. :-)
I was mostly sorry I had helped him, but my mother had been an Army sergeant and you did not argue with her. I had no idea the threads were reversed, I was just a left-handed klutz.
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