Posted on 07/30/2022 10:44:52 AM PDT by sodpoodle
Funny Aging Quotes
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except exercise,
get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will
Rogers
"We must recognize that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more
and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci “
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." -
Jennifer Yane
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there
is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. -
Mark Twain
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all
by itself." - Tom Wilson
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose
your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my
ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." – Unknown
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
“I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." – Unknown
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." –
Unknown
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney 🤔
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead."
- John Mendoza
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."-
George Carlin
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you
know?"- Barry Cryer
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." –
Anonymous
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have
to remember it.” - George Burns
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." -
Joel Plaskett
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." – Unknown
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
good one!!
Why did the one you posted yesterday get locked and labeled as trash? I have never seen that before.
If I knew then what I know now - the sex alone would kill me...
I have no idea why it was labeled ‘trash’ by the moderator. The responses were clean. The ‘joke’ only mentioned “infrequently” no f***ks or Sh***s.
It’s good to be important = better than impotent;)
I remember Mercury dimes being spent, Franklin half dollars, and an occasional Indian head cent.
I’m not in the 70-80 cohort. Yet.
“The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.” - Will
Rogers
That’s why I didn’t play MegaMillions. LOL
“I remember Mercury dimes being spent, Franklin half dollars, and an occasional Indian head cent.”
I’m 68. I remember my spendthrift sister snapping something like, “You’ll die of starvation on top of a pile of silver coins.” (Because once they changed over, I kept every silver coin I could find. I’d ask cashiers for their silver dollars. I had over 100 of them at one point. My uncle traded them into a smaller but more complete collection. It’s probably worth a bundle now, but I feel obliged to have it buried with me.)
Nothing fooks you in the arse like time
The Onion Knight
I’m so old I remember when the only women with blue hair had a permanent and went to church.
I’m so old, I remember George Burns when it wasn’t a replay!
Note how many of these are attributed to the estimable Mr Burns! While I am sure that he had writes, I think it probable that this comedy master wrote a lot of his own!
A most fun read, THANKS!
We have this going for us. Every response here is more coherent than Brandon.
i know, right?! the mod must have been some big ol’ prude, it wasn’t even a dirty joke.
some folk here are pantywaists.
Here’s another one: The older I get, the older ‘old’ is :)
“Everyone wants to be on a postage stamp, but nobody wants to die.”
—Timbuk3
I’ve found silver coins in my change at stores and restaurants within the last 10 years. Not often, but it can still happen. They stand out like a neon sign if you’re looking for them. (I guess a reference to a neon sign instead of an LED dates me.)
Or, as my good friend put it, “As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become far more tolerant of other points of view than I ever was in my youth; the list of things for which people ought to be shot has, however, grown significantly.”
Lol I find myself the same way.
“Aging is NOT funny!”
it’s even less funny when you DON’T age ... WAY less funny ...
My favorite is simple: “Old age isn’t pretty.”
And -——— 90s.
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