Posted on 04/02/2022 8:33:20 PM PDT by bitt
No time for any fancy intro because this is the biggest Florida Man Friday ever.
Let us begin as we always do with …
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Drunk Florida Man accidentally shoots himself in groin with stolen gun while trying to break into cars Oh no, Florida Man. Not that:
Named as 21-year-old Xavier Matthews, the man was attempting a car burglary in the parking lot of a takeaway outlet in the city of Jacksonville in Florida when the accident happened.
The Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office told local station Action News Jax Matthews was found lying in a ditch after the incident last Sunday. You’d be lying in a ditch, too, if you’d just shot yourself in the groin.
With a stolen gun, natch, because Florida Man.
Police said Matthews was arrested and charged with breaching probation, carrying a concealed weapon and armed robbery. He was remanded in custody and is not eligible for bail. How long before Florida Man realizes that California and New York have pretty much eliminated bail, and makes his big move north or west?
When it happens, Florida Man Friday will be here for him.
Although I might need a new name for it.
Introduced last month, here’s the (slightly) updated Florida Man Friday scoring system:
A police chase
Drugs/alcohol
Vehicular madness
A water hazard of some kind
Wild animals
Corrupt officials
Public nudity
Resisting arrest/fleeing police
Golf
Weapon, preferably unusual
Petty crime
Getting caught stupidly
Recidivism
Today’s lead story had: Alcohol, a weapon, petty crime, getting caught stupidly, and recidivism.
SCORE: 5 FMF Points — a new record for a single incident!
(Excerpt) Read more at pjmedia.com ...
Just Dam homie!!!
ballsy...
Your’s the best comment yet! LOL!
Xavier Matthews may be getting himself ready to sing at the Memphis Boychoir.
In other words Florida Man bored himslef a new ashaole.
Surprised he is still alive. Must have been small caliber gun.We have to get Florida Man to start carrying .44 magnum cal pistols.
Gotta ask...did he remove his junk? If so he could be a rare non-posthumous Darwin Award candidate.
I am reminded of a story from years ago where a guy tried washing his scrotum in a golf ball washer. The description of his injuries was nothing short of horrific. Now I wonder if it was a Florida man.
Probably. That covers the golf checkbox.
You just gave me a great idea to open up a sex change clinic in the ‘hood. Oh, wait...Planned Parenthood will probably get a grant to start those around the nation.
I don't care what follows this week, you get my vote for quote of the week.
Did you know that if you win quote of the week, you get $13,650 from a Nigerian Prince {just send me a ...}
The definition of Karma.
He needs a break as he looks to have fetal alcohol syndrome from his mother’s ‘care’ during his pregnacy.
That woman should have her tubes tied permanently.
Bitt, you forgot the NATO, WHO, and all those secret squirrel orgs. rules.
Rule 650 f: FMLOL
To whit; all Florida Man™ stories must be posted in their entirety. Links to articles behind a paywall are verboten. Ain’t none of us rich enough to have all those memberships!
But thanks for the Florida tom-foolery taste, just a nibble. “Please sir, may I have some more?”
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.