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The Babylon Bee Guide To Being Woke
The Babylon Bee ^
| February 11, 2021
| The Babylon Bee
Posted on 02/13/2021 1:52:31 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Being "woke" is very important in order to show the world you're a good person, and also to avoid having your entire life wrecked by a Twitter mob!
In order to achieve success and respect from all the good woke people -- which is the most important thing you can achieve in life -- you need to learn how to be properly woke! Here is our definitive guide:
- Carefully choose your pronouns and then scream them at everyone you meet: Whenever you go to Costco, loudly scream your pronouns in shoppers' faces. If anyone refuses to celebrate your pronouns, smash a giant box of pretzels over their head and call the manager.
- Select the most oppressed identity possible: Test people's loyalty to the cause by identifying as a walrus and cancel anyone who doesn't make walrus noises every time they see you.
- Compare everything to Nazis: Compare everything to Nazis (as long as you're a Democrat. If you're a Republican this might get you fired).
- Learn to hate the right people: Hate is good when directed at the correct targets. All you have to do is follow the guidelines of a mentally ill Twitter mob who will help steer your hate in the right direction!
- Pre-order David Hogg's Good Pillow: You want to sleep at night, don't you??
- Classify everyone according to their race and not as an individual: Always loudly acknowledge the skin color of every person you talk to and make it the main subject of the conversation.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
TOPICS: Conspiracy; Health/Medicine; Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: cult; guide; satire; wokism
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To: Rebelbase
Nobody. It was an unordered list in HTML. I closed it at the bottom.
To: Rebelbase
Oh, OK, somebody rectified it.
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Identity politics is a joke and should be treated as such.
23
posted on
02/14/2021 3:49:49 AM PST
by
Pollster1
(America is no longer in Claire Wolfe's "awkward stage")
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