And munching...
Good Morning WORLD!!
Posted on 10/20/2019 6:56:07 PM PDT by mkleesma
Whether you’re visiting your parents’ stuffy old Baptist church or piling into the family minivan because the kids are begging to ride the roller coaster at the sleek new megachurch down the street, the age-old question persists: what should you wear?
Wonder no longer, good and faithful servant. We sent a team of Babylon Bee agents to over two thousand churches, big and small, new and old, all across the land to research customs, dress codes, fashion do’s and fashion don’ts. This exhaustively researched article is the result, and it’s absolutely packed with helpful fashion tips.
Bookmark this page and check it any time you’re unsure what it is you ought to be wearing to church!
Baptist—When you hit the local Baptist church, dust off your best polo shirt and slacks, like Jesus wore. Women should be sure to wear long enough skirts, lest they should cause a brother to stumble by flashing too much ankle.
Calvary Chapel—God is worthy of our Sunday best, so make sure you pick out your finest sandals, shorts, and Hawaiian print shirt when you show your face at one of your city’s fifty-eight Calvary Chapel churches. The hardcore believers will be touting a copy of Left Behind or The Late Great Planet Earth tucked beneath their arm.
Presbyterian & Reformed—The key word here is classy. Sport a three-piece suit, top hat, and a monocle. Pair with glass of scotch or craft beer and a Romeo y Julieta brand cigar to really blend in.
Non-Denominational Megachurch—Whatever you woke up in. If it’s good enough to party in late Saturday night and crash on your couch in, it’s good enough for God. If you overdress by wearing a shirt that doesn’t show some skin or a low-key, modest outfit, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb!
Pentecostal—Go with something loose and flowing—anything good for waving your arms around in or flopping around like Magikarp. Secret pockets and compartments you can use to stow a tambourine or dancing ribbon are useful.
Catholic—You’d best wear your spiffiest Sunday outfit or your Grandma will pinch you, and it will hurt like the dickens. If your Grandma isn’t there, don’t worry, someone else’s Grandma will assume her pinching duties.
Methodist—Mainline Methodists should wear a tie-dye T-shirt with a left-leaning political statement like LOVE IS LOVE or PRIDE. If you’re one of the few Methodists still left in orthodoxy, a WESLEY IS MY HOMEBOY shirt oughtta do it.
Lutheran—16th-century German monastic robes are ideal. If you are having trouble locating those, you can go with a Baptist-esque business casual outfit as a fallback. But really, you’re gonna want to try to find the robes if you don’t want to look like a loser.
Episcopalian—Wear anything you want; no one will be there to see you anyway.
Eastern Orthodox—Your outfit doesn’t matter so much as the fact that you’ve got a long, flowing beard. Women are not exempt from this requirement.
Well; on that OTHER thread; them naked ladies got snatched up and tossed into the Tiber!!
What you wear at church should be based on not offending others. If someone is offended that you wear blue jeans then don’t wear blue jeans. Is clothing more important then givng offense.
“ If someone is offended that you wear blue jeans then don’t wear blue jeans.”
If so, they are offended because they are legalistic Pharisees.
Or they are not very far along in their Christian development and are easily offended. We shouldn't be a stumbling block to such people. If they think we should dress up for God then why not dress up for God? Why not suborn our own wishes?
They are not "weaker brothers" - they are legalistic brothers. They are not going to stumble in their Christian faith by seeing jeans.
If they think we should dress up for God then why not dress up for God? Why not suborn our own wishes?
If they think we should not drink coffee, drive a car, drive an expensive car, live in a home of more than 1,000 sq ft, etc, etc,...
Teach them that clothing is not a spiritual issue and don't leave them in darkness.
It’s an upside-down backwards world.
It’s amazing what lengths some will go to stay completely adheared to “faiths” that don’t understand what a relationship with Jesus is.
It’s much too simple of a relationship to start for some deep seated denomination members to see.
Seeped in “tradition” and un-Biblical rules and regulations, not even knowing that they are using idols in un-scriptural ways.
It’s got something to do with that backwards running river in Egypt...
That's a pretty harsh judgment. Let me ask you this way...what would you wear to an important job interview? Would you dress better then what you wear at church, worse, or the same?
What if you had a private audience with President Trump?
How about a pair of cutoffs and no shirt and shoes to church? Would you do that? Would you be offended if someone showed up like that?
Teach them that clothing is not a spiritual issue and don't leave them in darkness.
Clothing IS a spiritual issue. But the issue is whether or not we are going to be sensitive to others or disregard their feelings and do whatever we please without regard to others. Are we developing respect and love for others and helping them to come along? OR are we running roughshod over them and essentially saying "screw you"? That's a spiritual issue.
1 Corinthians 8:9 But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak.
1Co 8:13 Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.
The issue here was food but you could just as easily substitute clothing.
Php_2:3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.
That’s funny.
Unless the clothing is inappropriately revealing, it is not a spiritual issue.
That's a pretty harsh judgment.
You should read what Paul wrote to the legalists.
To Google® or FACEBOOK©?
Or to Dunn & Bradstreet?
Well; some early folks tried to cover themselves with leaves but GOD wanted FUR. So why don't we wear animal skins when going to GOD's house??
The perpetually offended would be offended.
The point is that the way we dress and act shows how much respect we have for a person or institution. We dress and act the way that shows the most respect.
The question I guess is does God ask for our respect? Does he want our respect? And is that respect conveyed through the way we dress and act?
I think the point of the skins was that they were being kicked out of paradise into a cold cruel world for their disobedience and God was preparing them for it.
A better question is why did God go through so much trouble to specify garments for the priesthood?
I think God expects us to appear before him with our utmost respect and love not only for him but for our brethren. Our clothing should be the best we can afford coupled with an awareness of not wanting to cause offense to others.
I'm told not to try to judge another man's servant.
The question remains: Is the worshipper there to please YOU; or GOD?
And so LITTLE required of the LAITY?
I don't know.
Izzat so?
The Mormons just require hidden underwear.
And munching...
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