Posted on 07/25/2018 6:41:20 AM PDT by sodpoodle
There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.
Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job. So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine........
Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by tell-tale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.
Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:
"Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.
(you're going to hate this)
"REPAINT! REPAINT! and THIN NO MORE!"
Grrroan!
LOL
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
You’re Fired!
.
Keep'em comin, sod. Welcome relief from the seemingly constant negative.
good one
Senior Parachute Club
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me, again, asking why I didn’t do something useful with my time. “Like sitting around the pool, drinking wine isn’t a good thing?” I asked. Talking about my “doing something useful” seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She is “only thinking of me,” she said, and suggested, I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas. So, I did and when I got home, decided to play a prank on her.
I sent her an e-mail saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.
She replied, “Are you nuts? You’re 86-years-old and now you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”
I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled, “Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses?! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”
“Oh man, am I in trouble,” I said, “I signed up for five jumps a week!”
The line went dead.
Life as a Senior Citizen isn’t getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.
A Scotsman picks up his pay envelope from the payroll department. When he opens it he is delighted to find that he was overpaid by five pounds.
But when he opens his next pay envelope, he finds that it’s short by five pounds. Enraged, the Scotsman rushes back to the payroll department and complains to the clerk.
“Look here,” says the payroll clerk, “Last week we accidentally overpaid you by five pounds. I don’t recall you complaining then.”
“Well,” says the Scotsman, “I can overlook one mistake. But not two in a row.”
Oops there it is, oops there its.
Great jokes here (and all over the internet;)
http://www.craziestjokes.com/funny-irish-jokes.html
It seems the Irish, Brits and Southerners have such strength of character that they can roll with the punchlines. Don’t see them protesting being the ‘butts’ of jokes. Gotta love ‘em.
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