Posted on 05/14/2017 3:45:35 PM PDT by BJ1
I hear the same story, told in different ways, all over New York City. There’s 34-year-old Kate, who works in finance downtown. “She’s beautiful, smart, talented . . . everything going for her,” her colleague tells me. “But her boyfriend doesn’t feel settled in his career, so she spent thousands of dollars to freeze her eggs as she waits for him to be ready.
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I think pairing off men and women in marriage is a zero sum game. You can’t increase the supply. I’ll illustrate by using polygamy. Pretend we lived in a culture where you could have up to four wives. Each time a man took a wife beyond the number one, he would be making it impossible for another man to get married. There would simply be an imbalance in the number of single men to single women in such a society.
I think there is an imbalance in the number of safe women for middle aged guys to marry. Ask any single man 35+ how many quality women are out there to marry. I think you will get one of two replies most often. 1) Not that many. 2) Why would I want to get married?
Although laws vary accross the country in adoptions, typically once the birth parent signs and/or a judge makes a “final” ruling in the adoption the birth parents can’t come back and get the child.
When this does happen, typically there has been a finding of fraud. However, this is very, very rare.
I hope it is rare now, I know in the 80s there were several cases of birth moms changing their minds and being allowed to take back the baby for something like a year.
How long does it take for the judge’s final order? I know I could not take a baby for months and give it back. I would lose my mind.
I remember a couple of very public cases like that in the early 90s, one of which involved the birth father (who was victorious, then later got bored and dumped the kid).
Some say that men who object to the prevailing dynamic must not care enough about their children to support them. In fact, the men object to being marginalized from their children’s lives while being compelled to hand a check - with no accountability for how it is spent - to their ex-wives.
Every couple ought to have a premarital contract that is based on the number of children they are parents of together.
Men marrying up is rare.
By the time many of these women decide to start families, the men they want to marry can afford better wives.
Please define what you men by becoming like men.
I have never seen successful executives going into grocery stores to buy moldy, rancid, toxic fruit. There is no need for them to do so, as they can buy perfectly ripe fruit.
Women who are not attractive and fertile hate women who are attractive and fertile.
Men and women are different, and I think a lot of women have thought that success in the workplace requires that they adopt the aggressiveness, competitiveness, etc., that we have generally associated with the masculine. Many have decided to ‘ape’ the male approach to sexuality, as well.
When I was growing up, women never swore - it would be embarrassing to be heard using foul language. Now I encounter a lot of women who ‘swear like sailors’ in the workplace; I guess they think it gives them some aura of power.
I don’t think any of this has made women happy.
Guys who can buy top quality new cars are chastised for not buying broken down used cars.
Most men want fatherhood.
BINGO!
Your model considers women as if they were identical units of a commodity - like cans of peas on the grocery shelf. Perhaps 25 men want one, but there are only 20 cans on the shelf; so 5 men are SOL. And you’re pretty much considering men in the same way.
But all the “messiness” of human beings, their possibilities and dynamics within relationships, aren’t quantifiable or analyzable in that way. A woman who might be just right for one man, for instance, is going to be quite wrong for any number of other men, and vice-versa – and a lot of those men cut themselves out of the running anyway, just by the way they think, the attitudes that they hold, and what they ‘exude’ because of that – because of what they’ve decided to believe.
You also aren’t figuring-in the broad range of age possibilities available to men. (It happens that I married a younger man; but that is uncommon, and somewhat frowned-upon, while men marrying younger women has always been common and acceptable.)
Any man can rise out of the ‘zero sum game’ by DECIDING to, and changing his attitudes and convictions.
We can’t ‘save the world’ with regard to the issue of relationships; but we can scope-out the possibilities of bringing one good woman into one good man’s life – provided the man and woman both really want it. Whether it can happen starts with individual consciousness and attitude. One has to set himself, in attitude and belief, above all the other men who just want a can of peas – and above those who just don’t believe in possibilities anymore.
This isn’t a matter of taking something away from another man, but of being a man who can attract something that is right for *himself*. It’s about individuality, and the spiritual right of every individual to abundant life, if he can figure out how to Take It.
I think a lot of your ‘Red Pill’ guys don’t really want love and married happiness - they like the protective (even ‘superior’) feeling of ‘burned-but-wise-and-never-a-fool-again’. They’re in the seductive throes of Self Pity - a very insidious state which often disguises itself as logically or righteously ‘justified’.
But for those who may still cherish an ideal of happiness with a woman, devotion to the Ideal is the first important step toward achieving it.
You can’t nurture that devotion if you’re constantly going on about how lousy and dangerous things are for men these days, and living full of fear and doubt. And you can’t love a woman if you are always self-protectively calculating a way to have advantage or ‘power’ over her.
You can’t think of two things at once - you have to make a choice as to which thing you are going to “love”: the ideal you cherish of a woman, and happiness with her; or your convictions regarding the apparent obstacles and difficulty.
Choose the ideal, dwell on it happily and expectantly, and see what happens.
(It’s not easy to control one’s thoughts and attitudes, and refuse to entertain doubt and fear – it’s the hardest thing that we can do in this world, and may very well be the lesson-point of being here in the first place! – but if you can pull it off for some extended period, you may find yourself surprised.)
Let other men think about cans of peas, statistics, and all that. Those men will also achieve whatever THEY constantly dwell upon and believe in, and that’s fair - they have the same opportunity to step out of the ‘zero sum game’; and if they choose not to do so, that’s, again, fair. They’re not being denied anything because someone else ‘got it’; they’ve simply made a choice.
“...be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
I understand your argument. But I’m jaded and think some middle aged men and women are not suitable for marriage. More women than men fall into that category. Women who have cheated on the their first husband or divorced him because she “fell out of love” would qualify as women men should avoid. Women who have had one boyfriend after another for 15 to 20 years would also qualify. Too much baggage. Marriage is an institution that holds a gun to a man’s head when a divorce petition is filed. It only makes sense men need to be very choosy....just my way of looking at dating for older men/women.
As for your comment about a woman might be wrong for one man and right for another, if you read above, I’m saying there are some women that are not right for any man.
If all a man wants is marriage, sure he can find someone. But in my opinion it becomes a question of compromise. How much do you compromise on your ideal woman to not be alone anymore? And if you decide to remain choosy, you can’t always say there is a woman for every man.
Been in that situation and heard people say “I’m not perfect” or “I have my own issues” too. As if to say, suck it up and date an overweight single mom. I chose to do an end run around the system and found a woman abroad who is significantly better than a woman than I could have snagged here. The amount of compromising I had to do was exactly zero. Just a thought for you single guys who are divorced and considering your options.
I understand your argument; but my point was that any man can find a good woman PRECISELY by being “choosy’; but ‘choosy’ in the sense of his own attitudes, expectations, and beliefs.
We all ‘decide’ what’s going to happen to us, by how we think and by how our own thinking causes us to approach life.
It’s a matter of deciding what you want and *Believing* in it as a possibility; and not letting negative attitudes or previous failures/disappointments affect your expectations and anticipations of the future.
I’m glad that you are happy.
Sorry for the delay getting back to you. Depends on the state. In my state you have to wait at least 6 months from the time that you first get legal custody of the child until it is finalized. In a couple of states it can be done in days, not months. But I think that 6 months is a fairly typical wait time.
Good God!
Is there anything that can go wrong in a woman’s life that can’t be lain at the feet of men?
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