If you haven't seen the video, this is well worth the time:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU
Posted on 05/11/2017 10:02:05 PM PDT by BJ1
At the end of the day, most men just want a woman who’s nice. “Nice,” to a man, means being soft, gentle and kind. It means asking your husband how his day was and really listening. It means doing something nice for him with no expectation of getting something in return—you know, the way you did when you were dating. But wait a minute, you say. Don’t women want the same thing? A man who’s nice? Not exactly. Most women do want a man who’s kind, but that’s not the same as nice. Ask any guy you know, and he’ll likely give you example after example of women they know who said they wanted a nice guy but in reality wanted a bad boy. That’s because just as most men are attracted to femininity, or softness, most women are attracted to masculinity. And masculinity is hard. Gruff. Take charge. So, where are you on the nice scale? If you’re not an inherently nice person, believe me I get it. I think I’m pretty nice, but that isn’t the first word one would think of to describe me. The truth is, I’ve had to exercise my nice muscle. Now Playing Author shares marriage advice for 'alpha females' Never autoplay videos I’ve had to learn how to be be nice. A lot of women think they’re nice because they act nice. But acting nice and being nice are two different things. Being nice means you think of others before you think about yourself. (And yes, there’s such thing as being too nice and putting your needs last; but I’m not talking about that.) It means you’re attune to the needs of others and incorporate those needs into the equation. Most husbands have no desire to lord over their wives....
(Excerpt) Read more at foxnews.com ...
Been there and done that. Most of the women I’ve seen on these dating sites are looking for a country club life style. They’re not looking for a man - they’re looking for an ATM and/or a doormat.
Women don't want *bad boys*.
They want a strong alpha male which is how the *bad boys* come across.
Women are attracted to strong, decisive, alpha male kind of character in men and unfortunately, that tends to too often lead to the *bad boy* kind of person. .
Unfortunately, just as in women *hot* and *crazy* too often go together, in men *alpha* and *bad boy* too often go together.
Then stay away from dating websites.
Because that is not representative of most women I know.
Matter of fact, I'd say that these days, the money is not even as much a factor as character. Most women are employable and can earn their own money.
A man being rich and providing financial security is not quite the draw it used to be because it's not as needed as it used to be.
A woman who’s nice? Good luck with that!
Thanks for stating the case!
I’m a catch, not a conquest. But very few men my age (20’s) are looking for that. :( And they think chastity is something only religious fanatics endorse.
“I actually used to wish he would cheat on me, so I could, as a Christian, morally divorce him.”
I don’t mean to judge, but really? Do you see the irony in that statement? You would wish he would choose sin so that God would ‘ok’ your choice to walk away. I’m sure you’ve grown in many ways since then, but that statement screams the problem with Christians these days. A lack of maturity and an inability to do God’s will for want of their own. And unfortunately that is what the unsaved world sees.
I’m glad you’re happy now, but I do hope you say prayers for your ex. He deserves them.
The answer is most definitely yes. :-) Many many many times. I wasn’t the boss, and I wasn’t the score keeper, and I wasn’t the “winner” of the “who can extract the most emotional value from this marriage” contest. Are you my ex? :-)
Thank you for your story. It gives me great hope.
Oh and by the way, I gladly signed over the entirety of our joint assets to her. When you walk Scott free out of hell you don’t mind paying the toll.
You sound incredibly bitter, metmom. Sorry you’ve had bad experiences.
There are many good men and women out there. It’s sad when they don’t meet up with each other and become disillusioned with the opposite sex.
He is the victim of YOU marrying a man you “didn’t love”. You set up your divorce on your wedding day. Love’s not a feeling woman, it’s an ACTION that is the result of a (daily, if not hourly) decision and endless effort. In fact, LOVE (putting the needs of others before your own with no expectations of reward) is what God commands of a husband toward his wife, RESPECT is what is commanded of a wife toward her husband.
God doesn’t tell us to breath, eat, and go to the bathroom, because we will do those things naturally. He tells us to do things that our natural selfishness avoids or ignores, and not to do things our natural selfishness wrongly allows us to do. We husbands are commanded to love our (sometimes?) cranky, self centered wives, and commands you wives to respect your (often?) cranky, self centered husbands.
Things work a lot better His way, but it is not easy.
Wives initiate 70+% of divorces, and the husbands get the bill. A little story I tell, I’m sure it’s fiction because most wives would never try this experiment:
A woman visits an attorney with the plan to divorce her husband who is hard to get along with and mostly ignores her. She tells the attorney she wants to really break his heart with this divorce to pay him back for all her heartache.
The attorney then suggests that she shower her husband with affection, bring him breakfast in bed and have his lunch packed with a heart on the bag, and dinner on the table when he gets home from work. Then make passionate love to him like when they first married. After a few months of that treatment she could drop the bomb of divorce on him and he would be devastated. She agreed and went to work.
Well, a few months went by and the attorney gave her a call asking if she was ready to do the deed and wreck her husband’s life, to which she responded; “I will never leave this sweet, sweet man.”
I don’t understand giving her all your money. Seems most men get the short end financially in a divorce, but why do it to yourself on purpose?
Just wondering, was she a liberal or neutral? The feminazi - and now society’s norm - is to not appreciate males. They are still expected to bring in all the money and do all the yard work and work on the cars and fix anything that breaks. Expected but not appreciated.
Unfortunately, I bet it’s getting harder and harder her to find a woman that doesn’t have that mindset. It is modeled in all the TV shows and movies.
Worse are the women that do all those things for themselves, therefore proving to themselves they don’t need a man. I think I go too far the other way, I wouldn’t even know how to change a flat or that oil in my car. Once in a while I worry that if something happens to my husband I would be pitifully helpless. On the other hand, it keeps me appreciating all he does.
It is unfortunate that so few get that. I didn’t get it for many, many years. Love is a verb. It is an action. 1 Corinthians 13 makes that perfectly clear. The reason the divorce rate is just as high among Christians as secular folks is because we are hearers of the word only. The fact that we, and society, only benefits when we actually DO the Word often goes right over Christians’ halos. ;)
>>>I fantasized through 11 years of marriage that just once my wife would come out to the backyard while I was doing yardwork in the hot sun, and tell me what a good job I was doing, and how much she appreciated me, and bring me a cold glass of lemonade. It never happened, but my fantasy persisted for 11 years. I literally thought about it every single time I cut the grass. She is now my ex-wife.<<<
I’m sorry man. It sucks to go through your day feeling unappreciated.
If you haven't seen the video, this is well worth the time:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU
>>>Well, the author is wrong, of course. Many modern men want a different kind of trophy wife: highly educated with a very good job. Domestic skills unnecessary. Then when they marry, they produce highly intelligent kiddies; a sort of Charles Murray kind of family. This is why Washington is so screwed up - it’s dominated by career, success and power rather than common humanity and morality.
Good luck! Hope you find a good woman!<<<
I have also read the book Coming Apart by Charles Murray. Yes it seems many successful men are pairing up with similar women. I’m not sure if it’s intentional or just that there is a dearth of such men for successful women to pair off with. This is more to do with men’s proclivity to marry down imo. Anyways for these men with successful career wives I look at this way: The typical young woman wouldn’t know what to do with raw ingredients for a meal. Give her a whole chicken and ask for dinner in an hour lol. But if she can work, at least the guy has her paycheck.
>>>Did you do that for her when she was doing the ironing, or dishes, or cleaning the bathroom and scrubbing the tub out, and all the other thankless running the home tasks that NOBODY ever sees getting done but everyone complains about when it’s not done? <<<
There you go ruining the men are good, women are bad momentum this thread had built up. LOL.
Someone once said: “Treat a lady like a whore and a whore like a lady”
Increasing marriage is one sided. Men are an accessory.
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