Bump.
Posted on 04/26/2017 6:18:53 AM PDT by BJ1
Fast forward to my 38th birthday. I was still single, and the world of dating had changed significantly in the last eight years. Tinder and Bumble, the dominant dating apps, offered countless options for single men and women, but made the experience of dating entirely impersonal.
Dating amounted to small talk with a stranger, who you had briefly interfaced with online because you each thought the other attractive. The small talk was a prelude to hooking up, and there were no expectations even of a text the next day.
It was brutal. And after trying my hand at it, I was no closer to finding the love of my life or starting a family. If I needed statistics to back me up, I had them. In 2014, marriage was on the decline, as was the fertility rate in the United States.
I had one real option left -- and that was to attempt to get pregnant alone.
(Excerpt) Read more at cnn.com ...
Of course, easier said than done. I’m in my early 40s and haven’t been married or had children yet. I was engaged in my mid to late 20s, though. A lot of my ancestors and present relatives didn’t marry until their 30s and have children in their 40s. A distant ancestor, a widower, married a much younger woman and kept having children into his 60s or so. My father’s marriage (at 21) was the exception to the rule in my family, and ended up a fiasco.
Selfishness.
Having children was all about her needs and no one else’s.
To DELIBERATELY set out to create a child who will NEVER have a father is cruel.
Thank you.
Bump.
Can I buy you a drink, sweet boy?
Your view probably sounds cold-blooded to some, but what you describe is the building block of civilization. It is essentially what most of us do without thinking it out too deeply. Even though the spouse we end with up may not be ideal (not the prettiest/handsomest, most intelligent, etc), most of us who make it work have a moral compass and know that it is incumbent upon us to make it work. There's little difference IMO between an "arranged marriage" and getting set up by your friends or using a dating app. People are looking for someone to settle down with and at some point come to the decision that "he or she will do".
“They measure their self worth by measuring their relative ability to control men. Full stop.”
Never looked at it like that...you’re good.
Too long a screed, lol.
A woman who won't have sex with her husband isn't a woman.
Because most men now at age 22 are still children. They have been given their freedom (license?), society has few expectations of them, and little responsibility.
True, but they're picky eaters and scratch the furniture and take forever to train.
To deliberately create another human being that will lose interest the minute it no longer sees mother as an object of worship is going to lead to a bad end.
For many women, having your own kids means creating human beings that will consider that woman the center of their lives. Minute that changes, the kid gets shunned - mostly psychologically, but often physically.
It’s a version of what polygamist mormons used to do to male adoloescents - as soon as the boy becomes a competitor for attention, they have to leave the camp.
You’d think women would just buy dogs. You can kick them and they’ll come back to nuzzle. They buy cats instead.
Why?
Too lazy to take care of the dog, and the dog is too needy.
By that regard, some could start at 13 (or younger). Unfortunately, that would land most males in prison. Most females (and males) sadly have been so infantilized today that they don’t possess the maturity to properly parent a child until middle age (if that).
“A lot of guys think that buying you a drink entitles them to free, unattached sex.”
Dinner, movie, drinks....tire wear. It starts to add up ;)
As a grandchild of a fatherless parent, I can tell you the problems last more than one generation.
Single Moms are selfish (and no widows aren’t single moms).
As a grandchild of a fatherless parent, I can tell you the problems last more than one generation.
Single Moms are selfish (and no widows aren’t single moms).
Selfish. She wants a pet child.
Raising a child is a huge undertaking. It really does take two adults, one providing immediate care with the other earning an income (or eliciting food/clothing/shelter from the Earth directly); one trying to do this alone will fail at both, having to earn twice as much to hire others to provide the immediate care AND obtain food/clothing/shelter ... and if she can’t so much as attract a mate, I have to question whether she can attract the unusually high income needed to provide the productivity of two.
From a purely genetic standpoint, it’s pretty weird. The male (there IS a male involved) gets to propagate with absolutely no effort beyond, er, donating a sample. (Fair disclosure: I didn’t read the whole article so don’t know how the sperm was acquired; I’ll assume he was completely anonymous so she wouldn’t have to deal with him at all.) Humans were designed/evolved as largely monogamous mates for a reason, while increasing “fatherless families” distorts that successful model.
How to avoid that situation? Goes for both genders:
Young adults MUST soon learn that life isn’t endless. You’re gonna age, decline, and die - sooner than you think. This notion of spending your 20s discovering yourself is BS; that time is your prime opportunity to get the best mate you can, get the most frequent & best sex you can (no heartache from breakups, no terrors of “unexpected” pregnancy), and have the most energy to care for offspring ... and I say this having married at 35. Take a realistic look at your personal axioms, philosophies, pleasures, and goals - and find someone who likewise shares them and wants to get on with developing a life TOGETHER. Wait too long and you’re more trying to merge two different people set in their ways; bond early, grow as one. Maybe take a few (few!) years to enjoy just each other and get positioned, but get on with kids soon so you’ll have the time & energy to raise them and still have time to enjoy life after ... the author, procreating at 40, faces having that kid still needing support when she’s 60.
Marry around 25. Don’t pretend you don’t want a companion & copulation until an ill-defined & ill-advised “later”. Your life is limited. Your options are limited & dwindling.
As for the mantra “be yourself”? That’s great if your self is someone worth being - and loving. If that’s not working (i.e.: attracting suitors/maidens), then seriously reconsider who you are and where you’re going - and adjust accordingly. Look at what you like to do, and whether others want to share it. Get fit. Groom. Work hard. Work smart. Earn money. Create. Help. Volunteer. You know the mantras about “other/many fish in the sea”? become the one others _want_ to catch.
And finally, don’t play mind games. Don’t hint. Don’t play hard to get. Pay attention. Many people DO receive advances, but either don’t get them, don’t believe them, or brush them off - then wonder why nobody’s interested. My wife knew that whoever wanted her would have to make it really blatantly obvious - and I did (including 5-hour drives to see her in another country). Yes, the man is “supposed to” pursue, but he’s likely as clueless as you - so let him know you’re interested, let him know what your goal is (yes: marriage), make it worth his while (not “hooking up”, but by being a partner).
Enter college knowing that’s your best chance to review the highest density of highest-quality spousal candidates.
Don’t appear disinterested in marriage.
Career is to facilitate marriage; don’t delay the latter for the former.
Be desirable. Yes, you can - get fit, don’t look strange.
Target age is 25. The longer you wait, the fewer your prospects.
And DON’T procreate without a permanent partner.
This woman agrees with you.
A man who has affairs isn’t a man.
A woman who won’t have sex with her husband isn’t a woman.
A man who doesn’t make an effort to make sure sex is a two way satisfaction agreement isn’t a man either.
But, yeah. A woman refusing to have sex with their husband for a year is a woman holding her husband’s head underwater and wondering why he’s acting so crazy.
I knew from just the headline this would end up at the turkey baster.
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