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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Ketill Frostbeard

Heh! Right!


9,461 posted on 06/12/2016 11:19:18 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face

David Bowie was amazing in that movie.


9,462 posted on 06/12/2016 11:24:15 AM PDT by Ketill Frostbeard ("Go not a step from your door unarmed, travel armed for war, you may at any time need a spear." ODIN)
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To: Ketill Frostbeard

Yes he was. Which is why I have the movie.

I just can’t find the cable I need to get my DVD/Blu-ray player sound system hooked up. When I finally found one on Amazon, it was about three times what I wanted to pay. So I can’t watch the movie...or any others. :o[

*sigh*


9,463 posted on 06/12/2016 12:56:30 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Ketill Frostbeard; Monkey Face

Afternoon. Tom the Son is deposited at his home away from home. I think he comes back July 24. Elen gets back August 7. Don’t let me forget to pay their fall tuition.


9,464 posted on 06/12/2016 1:11:27 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Monkey Face
The best YouTube copy I could find, right offhand. The others were severely "whited out" to satisfy copywrite police, this one shows the movie somewhat at an angle, as if you were sitting on the right side of a living room...seemed preferable.
9,465 posted on 06/12/2016 1:12:27 PM PDT by Ketill Frostbeard ("Go not a step from your door unarmed, travel armed for war, you may at any time need a spear." ODIN)
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To: Ketill Frostbeard

Thanks! That’s sweet of you! :o])


9,466 posted on 06/12/2016 1:32:55 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Tax-chick

Wow. Two kids off at camp for the summer? How cool is that?

(Don’t forget to pay their fall tuition!)

I’ve had a singularly boring day, with the TV all blobbed up about Orlando. And in the coming weeks, all the screaming libs will be out with their “gun control” rhetoric and blaming the NRA.

And all I really want is some ink so I can write to my grandson. I couldn’t find any paper except typing paper, and the way I write, it would be about four words to a line, all going up to the right. I need loose leaf paper to keep on hand for the lines it makes me stay in. (Obedience to decorum and penmanship.)

I will see how much I have in my account, and if there is enough, I will head for Wally’s first thing in the morning for the ink, before I head for the laundry room. *sigh*


9,467 posted on 06/12/2016 1:40:14 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face

Few enough moments when you can really take your mind off in these times...and it IS a jewel of a movie. :) “The Quiet Man” and “Riddick” are competing for my movies most watched.

“Have you had enough?”

“No!!”

(groan) “Well, then give a man a hand.”

BOP!!! (Irish jig on violins continues...)


9,468 posted on 06/12/2016 1:44:24 PM PDT by Ketill Frostbeard ("Go not a step from your door unarmed, travel armed for war, you may at any time need a spear." ODIN)
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To: Ketill Frostbeard

The late Igor could have watched “The Quiet Man” every day if I had let him. John Wayne was his hero and contemporary. (Older than I!!)

There are so many GREAT movies to watch...and I can’t watch them (my collection isn’t hugh, but it’s probably 300+ movies...) until I get that doggone cable. Dang.


9,469 posted on 06/12/2016 1:53:37 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face

And with that, I’m off to have another breathing treatment, and then, I’m in bed.

And I’ll see all y’all tomorrow. Have a good evening.


9,470 posted on 06/12/2016 1:58:37 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Ketill Frostbeard; Monkey Face

We love “The Quiet Man,” too.

However, with day camp and a swim meet tomorrow, I have to concentrate on getting a lot of things and people organized.


9,471 posted on 06/12/2016 2:05:53 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Monkey Face

Have never seen Labyrinth all the way through.
But yes ,Dark Crystal is Great. :)
Podling essence for Lunch, mmmm!


9,472 posted on 06/12/2016 2:36:18 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Gefn

Hi Gefn,
Great to see you!


9,473 posted on 06/12/2016 2:37:43 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

Hope you’re having a good night! I’ll be here for the Morning Kitteh, but after that we’ll be out all day, in the heat, dirt, and various swimming pools, until 8:00 p.m.-ish EDT, and then there’s laundry so we can do it all again Tuesday.


9,474 posted on 06/12/2016 5:08:58 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Tax-chick

Are the swim classes for home schooling or just because it’s a good and necessary life skill?


9,475 posted on 06/12/2016 6:38:32 PM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Life skill, although I give high school students P.E. credits if they’re successful at swimming, running, weight lifting, etc.

There will be swimming at Cub Scout day camp (except for James, who is working at the BB-gun range), followed by a swim meet for our summer team.


9,476 posted on 06/13/2016 2:22:29 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

9,477 posted on 06/13/2016 2:24:33 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: moose07

Labyrinth is one of the best of the “Muppet” movies. I watched a clip of how they made the characters once, and it was almost as fascinating as the movie.

If you get a chance, watch the entire thing. VERY good!


9,478 posted on 06/13/2016 3:40:48 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Tax-chick

I’m tired just thinking about your days.


9,479 posted on 06/13/2016 3:41:41 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Tax-chick

Awww...floofy marmalade squee!


9,480 posted on 06/13/2016 3:44:16 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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