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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

I tried to send it to Tom the other day, but it didn’t go through and was sitting there on my account.

Chicken casserole is in the oven. Still raining.


8,461 posted on 05/20/2016 2:08:15 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: moose07

Knowing that area as I do, it may be that she will never be found. And that’s so sad, because her parents are still alive and actively engaged in the search. All I can think of is how devastated they must be. :o[


8,462 posted on 05/20/2016 2:09:08 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
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To: Tax-chick

Wow. How odd is that? Did he check with PayPal? There must be a reason.

A neighbor came over about an hour ago to have me order some things online for him as he doesn’t want his “personal stuff to be ‘out there,’” so he gave me the money and I will add it to my main account tomorrow and then order the stuff.

He’s a nice guy (he’s the friend of the guy whose daughter is missing) and he’s about as nice a guy as you could ever want. He’s diabetic but isn’t watching his diet and had to buy new, bigger clothes. :o[

Anyway, he will go out of his way to help people.


8,463 posted on 05/20/2016 2:15:08 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
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To: Tax-chick

Oh. Where I was going before I got side-tracked, was — he bought me a Mexican dinner with chicken enchiladas. Remind me never to get enchiladas from there again. The rice was good, as were the beans, but the chicken was tough and dry. Ugh. I ate what I could.

He bought a pork sandwich for himself and I guess he had the same problem — tough and dry. I can’t help but wonder how old the meats were.


8,464 posted on 05/20/2016 2:18:27 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
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To: Monkey Face

Like two or three days. Maybe the account is inactive. From my side, it said he hadn’t collected it, or something like that.

Anyway, I have cash again now, so I can give him some if I need him to buy anything.


8,465 posted on 05/20/2016 2:18:33 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Monkey Face

Too bad you didn’t like the food. Our chicken casserole has sauces ;-).


8,466 posted on 05/20/2016 2:19:26 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

This Mexican ford would have been really good but for the dry, tough chicken. Enchiladas, Mexican rice and frijoles refrio is one of my favorite meals.

And now, I’m off to bed.


8,467 posted on 05/20/2016 2:43:40 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
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To: Tax-chick

But that’s why I have a PayPal debit account. I really like the convenience of having a card. :o])


8,468 posted on 05/20/2016 2:45:04 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
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To: Monkey Face

The casserole was a great success: it’s all gone!


8,469 posted on 05/20/2016 3:07:02 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

8,470 posted on 05/21/2016 3:45:19 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick; Slings and Arrows

A cream puff and and orange cicle.

Oh yummy, beautiful. I like today’s babies.

Thank u TC


8,471 posted on 05/21/2016 3:59:11 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Gefn

These are barn kittens from Arkansas.


8,472 posted on 05/21/2016 3:59:42 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: NoCmpromiz; moose07

When I visited York (the old one), I was amazed walking around in the Shambles, that the road is actually laid out so you can toss your chamber pot out the window and the stuff travels down an indentation in the sidewalk to the river.

Many times I’ve wished I could live in an earlier time, but I need indoor plumbing,


8,473 posted on 05/21/2016 4:03:43 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Tax-chick

I’ve never been to Arkansas.

Someday I shall see all 50 states. Definitely the 48 ones by car.


8,474 posted on 05/21/2016 4:05:49 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Gefn

Much of Arkansas is quite scenic, and the climate is nice.


8,475 posted on 05/21/2016 4:09:19 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I was in Port Jarvis as a kid. It must have been sometime during the 70s.

So many cities are going to heck. Trenton started to turn when I lived there. Now parts are a war zone like Camden.


8,476 posted on 05/21/2016 4:10:15 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Tax-chick

I really want to see the country.

And eat at .waffle houses.,


8,477 posted on 05/21/2016 4:12:05 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Gefn

I have never eaten at Waffle House.


8,478 posted on 05/21/2016 4:12:42 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07; ArGee; NicknamedBob; NoCmpromiz

8,479 posted on 05/21/2016 4:23:14 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick

I did as a child, I just want to try one now. It looks like a great place to people watch and get inspiration for a story


8,480 posted on 05/21/2016 4:32:22 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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