ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Tax-chick]

Oh, darn. I was sitting right here, eating cauliflower in garlic sauce. Now I need to brush my teeth again.

[Monkey Face]

Well, it was just sitting there. I mean, what’s a girl to do in a situation like that?

And I’m off for bed, having done enough damage for one more day. :o])

[NicknamedBob]

So wait a minute!

All that stuff that went up in smoke in my early days of computing, that was me putting it into cloud storage?

[Tax-chick]

It’s a nice thought, but you probably won’t see it again this side of the hereafter. I believe in paper.

[NicknamedBob]

Magic smoke signals.

[Tax-chick]

A fragrant offering to Apollo.

[moose07]

Sorry to disappoint you ,Bob, but that was the magic Smoke escaping.
If that much Magic Smoke had reached a Cloud server chances are the fire suppression would have been activated. :)

[Tax-chick]

[Covenantor]

Neo-hipster interior design features a nostalgic look with raised computer flooring paying homage to the hidden rats nest of Morlock wiring. The subtle ironic mocking of the stacked firewood niche recalls the sudden eruption of the Magic Smoke micro Chernobyl events of the hardwired world of days gone by.

All items are available exclusively through The Sharper iHomage catalog. Those with minimalist bent can create the same look with floor tape and a few suction cup panel lifters scattered about at random. Chose from a variety of cable coils to function as floor cushions to complete the illusion.

[Tax-chick]

Just turn a few cats loose in there and come back in a day or two.

[moose07]

OOOH, look at that floor!
Does it come with a genuine freezing cold blast of air every time you lift a tile?
Joking aside, they do come with a built in version of thick Tin foil.....plus an anti static surface that the Kats will love. The claws will sink right in.

Who in their right mind would want that in the first place.....hmmm, it is growing on me. :)

[Tax-chick]

Seems like it would be fairly easy to clean.

[moose07]

Depends on the surface texture.
The silly ass that picked the tiles for ‘our’ place picked ones with a porous texture. Consequently Anti-static Foam cleanser is the only safe way to get the dirt out of the surface. But without electrics underneath,piece of cake to clean, standard floor cleaning kit. You may need the Boys to help with the lifting ,those tiles do have a weight of their own.

[Tax-chick]

Oh, good point.

[Tax-chick]

[NicknamedBob]

Ah, yeah. My floor is coming apart all by itself.

[Monkey Face]

A fragrant offering to Apollo.

When I first read that, I thought it said, "A flagrant offering to Apollo." What? Coughie!

[Monkey Face]

Golly...four hours since anybody posted, and that was me.

*sheesh*

[Tax-chick]

Howya! Sally had an appointment this morning, then we went to the library than to Walmart. Whew.

Tom took an aptitude test for the Caterpillar mechanic program and did extremely well, of course. He has immense aptitude. Next week he’ll have an interview.

[Tax-chick]

Well, one could easily consider some of Bob’s prose compositions a “flagrant offering.”