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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

SCORE!!!!


3,501 posted on 02/12/2016 4:46:50 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Tax-chick

Now I’m off to Walgreen’s and Walmart....


3,502 posted on 02/12/2016 4:47:29 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Monkey Face

No sun here so far, but it’s looking like it might clear up to the east in time to sun on the cats’ beds.


3,503 posted on 02/12/2016 4:48:41 AM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: Monkey Face

Good luck at the stores!


3,504 posted on 02/12/2016 4:54:11 AM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: moose07
Just read an item in the Telegraph about the Thames flood barriers bein deployed. Impressive feat of engineering.

Good luck to all in the flood plain.

3,505 posted on 02/12/2016 5:09:59 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick; Covenantor
"No, just yellow mustard. It has a nutrient in it or something."

It's probably the vinegar. You're soaking in it, (advice from Madge).

Some people put vinegar in their bath. I might try that some day.

3,506 posted on 02/12/2016 5:45:39 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: Tax-chick

No one in either place to impede my shopping. Haha! Mike at Walgreen’s was very nice for so early in the day, but he will be off at 0800. He only had 118 prescriptions to fill!

And Walmart was a breezy walk through, with my favorite checker, so it took me a little more than 30 minutes to go to both places. YAY!


3,507 posted on 02/12/2016 5:53:22 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: NicknamedBob; Tax-chick
I was thinking the acetic acid of the vinegar contributed....

Dietary acetic acid reduces serum cholesterol and triacylglycerols in rats fed a cholesterol-rich diet

They do not address the issue of pretzel toes. The big soft pretzels just seem to go well with mustard, at least at county fairs.

3,508 posted on 02/12/2016 5:53:24 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick

Baby! Take one of these for the answer to life , the universe, world peace and everything.

If your head doesn’t explode frm the cuteness first.

Mine just did.

p.s. 16 degrees here. With my cold I feel like I’m somewhere tropical.


3,509 posted on 02/12/2016 5:59:01 AM PST by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Slings and Arrows; All

Big kitteh lion on bing today with trivia.


3,510 posted on 02/12/2016 6:03:14 AM PST by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Gefn

Good morning, Gefn!

It’s good to see you in the morning lineup, again! *hug*

Have a cuppa with me and enjoy the morning. Right now, I’m having coffee, but I will have some tea in a little while.


3,511 posted on 02/12/2016 6:12:36 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Monkey Face; Gefn; NicknamedBob

Good morning again. We’re still cleaning up from the sudden attack of Sickness last night. Much has been disinfected, but there are two more loads of laundry. Hopefully anyone else who gets it will reach the bathroom or a bucket in time. I expect it to hit Pat, who has always been rather weakly, but Vlad has an advanced immune system and could be a plague doctor, if they’re ever needed again.

On the plus side, the new medication we got yesterday for Sally’s sleep disorder seems to be helping. She got up this morning before 9:00, without being called, and seems much more energetic and alert than usual. (”Why is there a mop bucket in our room?”) Raucous round of applause for the sharp and stylish Dr. Coleman!!!


3,512 posted on 02/12/2016 6:29:06 AM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: Covenantor

I don’t have a cholesterol-rich diet, unless spinach has cholesterol. However, I’m crazy about soft pretzels with yellow mustard. I think it’s genetic: OldTax-lady is from Philadelphia.


3,513 posted on 02/12/2016 6:32:10 AM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: Tax-chick

It has been so long since I have had the flu or any other related disease, that I don’t know how to react to your current epidemic. I feel bad for you all, and that’s the truth!

I’m glad to hear that the new med helped Sally to sleep. Perhaps the worst is over. *I hope*


3,514 posted on 02/12/2016 6:35:12 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Tax-chick

I like soft pretzels and yellow mustard, too, but I never had one until I met Busdaddy. He also introduced me to chilidogs. :o] Them are also likeable! :o]


3,515 posted on 02/12/2016 6:36:47 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Monkey Face

I almost never get these things, fortunately, since I have to take care of all the people who do.


3,516 posted on 02/12/2016 6:42:16 AM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: Tax-chick

I can only remember having the flu twice in my entire life, and the second time, I lost 11 pounds. I could stand to lose that much again, but not with that method!


3,517 posted on 02/12/2016 7:44:04 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Monkey Face

It’s much better to not be sick. I can’t finish vacuuming upstairs because the cats are napping!


3,518 posted on 02/12/2016 8:01:33 AM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: Covenantor
The Barrier is down again now, it was up just for the tidal surge.
They only raise it when there is a serious risk of the City centre flooding.
It is currently a fine balance between the incoming high tide and a flood from the river flow. Due to the way the flow is controlled on the Thames the water can be held back along the entire length of the river to prevent problems.
The Barrier is raised several times a year, it is a well rehearsed drill. :)
3,519 posted on 02/12/2016 8:22:21 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Monkey Face

Goal!
Try!
Touchdown!
Home run!
6!

:)


3,520 posted on 02/12/2016 8:27:21 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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