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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07

13f... snow settled a few inches...crispy crust layer deep enough to bang shins/thighs hard...smash and slide type trudging. Still life landscape with streamlined mystery mounds that disguise what lies beneath.

Moon lit night enhanced the mystery with odd shadow visitations. Snow atop railings appear as narrow little white walls that suddenly curl like high surf in stop action frames bent and frozen by the wind. Bright high light on top with deep blue shadow in the pipe...banzai miniature...still no Disney Frozen© toons dancing and singing...don’t tell Kathleen of the Gazebo that.


2,761 posted on 01/25/2016 2:32:43 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

It sounds as if it would be perfect, as long as you never had to go outside.

And good morning. 29 here, but we have 55 predicted for this afternoon, and 60 tomorrow.


2,762 posted on 01/25/2016 2:40:50 AM PST by Tax-chick (Is it Monday already?)
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To: Tax-chick

ahh... well, outside is where I want to be...moon light... cross country skis...still night air, pure magic to me. Too banged up to do long jaunts anymore.


2,763 posted on 01/25/2016 3:35:27 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Gazebo.


2,764 posted on 01/25/2016 4:46:46 AM PST by null and void (This war starts in the spiritual realm-it will end in ours though.)
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To: Covenantor; Tax-chick
"Too banged up to do long jaunts anymore."

That sounds like me, too. And that's just from wrassling with the snow-thrower.

2,765 posted on 01/25/2016 5:12:19 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: Tax-chick

SQUEE!!!

I overslept this morning and I HATE when I do that! DARN!

Anyway, it’s morning, and that strangely coincides with laundry day. *sigh*

I want my own place...


2,766 posted on 01/25/2016 5:50:26 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Tax-chick; All

Central Park got 26.8 inches of snow, 0.1 inches below it’s current record.

Outer Boroughs still report some unplowed streets but I live near the mayor so we had no problems. :-D


2,767 posted on 01/25/2016 5:52:53 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: Tax-chick; NoCmpromiz; Covenantor; NicknamedBob

It’s 40 degrees out with a wind chill of 36, and I’m not looking forward to standing in the cold, waiting for Robert of the Keys to come and open the door. *foosh*

The letter I wrote to my grandson yesterday had to be opened and re-printed. I woke up in the middle of the night with the awful thought that I didn’t sign the letter. So I had to sign it this morning. Then I found some typsos so I just re-did it all.

My bad.


2,768 posted on 01/25/2016 6:01:12 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: ArGee

I’m watching some news clips on the snow storm, and I don’t envy New Yorkers at ALL!

I’m glad you’re safe and are able to be “normal” once again.


2,769 posted on 01/25/2016 6:04:10 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

I just saw a photo on Facebook of a man named Michael LeVaughn Robinson, of Chicago IL. Anyone want to guess who that is in real life?


2,770 posted on 01/25/2016 6:13:02 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

Jim Thompson?


2,771 posted on 01/25/2016 6:51:23 AM PST by null and void (This war starts in the spiritual realm-it will end in ours though.)
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To: Monkey Face

There is no “normal” here. The subways were full and slow this morning but at least they ran.

I don’t love wearing boots and carrying shoes but some of the corners were still heavily blocked with snow - with slush underneath where it can’t get to the storm drains yet. Boots are a must.


2,772 posted on 01/25/2016 7:20:18 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: Monkey Face

Jackie Robinson?


2,773 posted on 01/25/2016 8:57:14 AM PST by Tax-chick (Is it Monday already?)
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To: Monkey Face

Good luck with laundry! We’ve been to the gym. Next we’ll go by the library, and then pick Tom up at school.


2,774 posted on 01/25/2016 8:58:12 AM PST by Tax-chick (Is it Monday already?)
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To: Tax-chick; null and void

Michelle Obama.

If it’s photoshopped, they did a darn good job! LOL!


2,775 posted on 01/25/2016 9:46:24 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

Now I get it!


2,776 posted on 01/25/2016 9:48:02 AM PST by Tax-chick (Is it Monday already?)
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To: Tax-chick

I’m done with the laundry, and my back is killing me.

I had to mail a package today, and I was thinking on the way to the post orifice how good a small Arby’s would taste. The postal rates went up and I lacked $2.30 of having enough for an Arby’s. It’s over a week till payday... :o[

I just finished a crumpet, and I’m working on some Earl Grey, and then I will go to the ramada and see who’s winning. (I can still taste that Arby’s that I didn’t get to buy...)


2,777 posted on 01/25/2016 9:51:53 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

It probably doesn’t help any, but I’ve been looking for a good reason to get up to the Chick-fil-A in Herald Square since it opened. I can just never be free when I could get to the area.


2,778 posted on 01/25/2016 10:12:04 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: ArGee

I’m waiting for the Chick-fil-A to open here. Yummers!

But yeah, you’re right: It didn’t help. ;o]


2,779 posted on 01/25/2016 10:51:34 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Tax-chick; ArGee; All

Well, gang, I’m sorry, but the nausea is driving me nuts, and I can’t seem to keep my eyelids from slamming shut. I’d really like to stay and chat, but it’s not gonna happen.

I’m try to be on a little later.


2,780 posted on 01/25/2016 12:44:32 PM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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