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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Covenantor

Yep, I figured it was C&P. It would be laborious to copy it key-by-key.


2,721 posted on 01/24/2016 8:05:11 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

2,722 posted on 01/24/2016 8:08:56 AM PST by null and void (This war starts in the spiritual realm-it will end in ours though.)
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To: null and void; Monkey Face

Actually around here, the kids in the adjacent elem. school did have it uphill bothways. Mt Rainier Soapbox Derby Hill site. Rain pretty much halted vehicle traffic before tire improvements. Great sledding though in a snow.


2,723 posted on 01/24/2016 8:09:37 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: null and void; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07; Darksheare; NicknamedBob; NoCmpromiz; ArGee; ...
Foul! Most Foul!!

No fair posting three toed sloth to make a point!


2,724 posted on 01/24/2016 8:15:35 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

I missed the point anyway.


2,725 posted on 01/24/2016 8:19:49 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and rather seriously hostile toward the universe.)
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To: null and void

Well, if I have a monkey face, I may as well have monkey feet! LOL!


2,726 posted on 01/24/2016 8:23:55 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Tax-chick

That’s ok, because when Kathleen asks about three toed sloths, you can point to that image with a smirk. Couldn’t do that in a government holding school.

;>)


2,727 posted on 01/24/2016 8:26:44 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick

I’m by-passing coffee to have hot double chocolate cocoa this morning. I keep looking for chocolate-raspberry, but can’t find it any more. *sigh*

It’s scarce as hen’s teeth, these days. Or frog hair.

I just had a breathing treatment, and now I’m shaky, so that must not have been the med I needed. I’ll go back in for one of the steroids, in a little bit. I have to stop shaking first.


2,728 posted on 01/24/2016 8:29:34 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Covenantor; Monkey Face

The decryption is always longer than the encrypted message using the gibberish four rotor machine for messages. :)


2,729 posted on 01/24/2016 8:31:33 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

That’s always good to know, Moosie. Gibberish is such a difficult language to learn, almost as bad as Babble.


2,730 posted on 01/24/2016 8:34:23 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Covenantor

Guinea pigs only have three claws on each back foot......


2,731 posted on 01/24/2016 8:35:35 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: Monkey Face

Babble is a universally understood language.
Some rivers are fluent in babble....
The Babbling brook for example.
Gibberish is an art form....

It’s getting dark now. Another gloriously overcast day comes to an end. :)


2,732 posted on 01/24/2016 8:41:22 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: Monkey Face

That sounds good! We’ll be leaving for church in about 15 minutes. Depending on how the roads are, I may try to take some boys to get their hair cut later.


2,733 posted on 01/24/2016 8:43:56 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and rather seriously hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Covenantor; Monkey Face; moose07

Kathleen says she has a gazebo on her leg. This is weird even by the prevailing local standards.


2,734 posted on 01/24/2016 8:46:34 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and rather seriously hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Tax-chick

Watch out for the other guy, and expect the unexpected. And that’s all the trite adages I have for you. Except to tell you I pray for your safety to and from.


2,735 posted on 01/24/2016 8:47:58 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Tax-chick

LOL!


2,736 posted on 01/24/2016 8:49:24 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick

Now THAT boggles the mind, for sure! LOL! A gazebo on her leg. Heh.

Your children are weird. And I mean that in a good way. They could just as easily belong in my family. :o]


2,737 posted on 01/24/2016 8:50:27 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face
that's all the trite adages I have for you

That's ALL? If I can't count on a better supply of trite adages from you, then where can I turn? Do you want me to have to ask Tom for trite adages, or go read a Jeb Bush speech?

*sigh*

This is what it's come to.

2,738 posted on 01/24/2016 8:50:31 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and rather seriously hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Monkey Face; Covenantor

Speaking of Tom, he hit his head on the ceiling. He’s now officially Too Big for this residence.

Anyone know how high the ceiling are at Parris Island?


2,739 posted on 01/24/2016 8:51:45 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and rather seriously hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Monkey Face; moose07; Tax-chick; ArGee

Babel and Babble... as in Tower of; and by the rivers of Babbling on, oft cited by pundits and news readers.


2,740 posted on 01/24/2016 8:52:25 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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