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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

Congrats on the unexpected windfall. I don’t want to hear about anyone’s bedbug problem, either.


2,681 posted on 01/23/2016 12:53:47 PM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: NicknamedBob

Golly, Bob. I don’t know how to respond to that. I never liked Hemingway.


2,682 posted on 01/23/2016 1:03:23 PM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: NicknamedBob

I would love to be in a snowstorm once again, but I suspect after the first hour, it would become tiresome.


2,683 posted on 01/23/2016 1:04:35 PM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Tax-chick

I figure, though it doesn’t sound like much, a $5 bill makes me richer by $5 than I was before the mail came, so I will fill out this multi-page survey.

I think it’s affiliated with the Nielsen Ratings. The fun part of it is that once I send off the completed survey, I tend to forget about them so that when the $1 or $5 comes a week or two later, I’m always surprised!


2,684 posted on 01/23/2016 1:10:49 PM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

A dollar will run you a load of wash.


2,685 posted on 01/23/2016 1:33:44 PM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Monkey Face; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Tax-chick; Anoreth; ...

2,686 posted on 01/24/2016 2:53:45 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Tax-chick

*yawn* ‘morning...


2,687 posted on 01/24/2016 2:59:05 AM PST by null and void (This war starts in the spiritual realm-it will end in ours though.)
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To: null and void

Have some coffee.


2,688 posted on 01/24/2016 3:01:01 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Tax-chick

Is Darks up?


2,689 posted on 01/24/2016 3:04:24 AM PST by null and void (This war starts in the spiritual realm-it will end in ours though.)
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To: null and void

If he is, he’s probably at work.


2,690 posted on 01/24/2016 3:05:00 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Tax-chick

Morning,
I hope you’re not in the grip of Snowmagedon.
They’re saying 3’ on the radio.


2,691 posted on 01/24/2016 3:47:04 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

No, we got less than 1”, and we’re supposed to have temperatures in the 40s F today. They might have 3 feet up at my brother’s in Pennsylvania, though, or at my uncle’s in Buffalo, NY.


2,692 posted on 01/24/2016 3:49:49 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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2,693 posted on 01/24/2016 4:09:29 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; NicknamedBob; ArGee; NoCmpromiz; Darksheare
Request position check. Periscope view from my abode/vessel indicates one or both of us are off course.

Need to know top priority as negotiating who tows whom and where. Storm surge and winds were higher than forecast. Clear skies and sunny, wind 10-20 mph, 16F.

Bit of good news for hayseed suffers, accuweather reports low tree pollen count count. Rejoice.

Grog exchange for some Navy coffee, win-win.

2,694 posted on 01/24/2016 5:00:01 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Good time to use your solar panels.


2,695 posted on 01/24/2016 5:01:55 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and rather seriously hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Covenantor

Morning,
I’m guessing you’ve had a dusting of Snow in your area?


2,696 posted on 01/24/2016 5:07:39 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07; Monkey Face

Sure, once I locate them....views from window show broken ends of many pine branches buried in mounded drifts. Measured 32” during my wolf howling session last night. Felt some response was required by rolling snow thunder boomers. Impressive experience. Wind drifts of 5-6’ in spots, scoured areas left with 5-7” of snow. Back door snow about 8” below knob, so with step down almost three feet. Roof cover needs checking a bit later. With sub freezing temps we’ll be living with snowy landscape for more than a few days.


2,697 posted on 01/24/2016 5:19:42 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick

It takes $1.25 for a load of wash, here. But I won’t complain about that, any more. There are starving children in Africa and China that never got their clothes washed...


2,698 posted on 01/24/2016 5:34:12 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: moose07; ArGee

Indeed...Telegraph says Storm Jonas has intent to visit UK as well.

Also tells us that bad seed Corbyn after his bomb throwing tour of Calais and Dunkirk, is making noise about Falklands “sharing” with Argies (not our Argee).

Left seems to have gone global crazy these days. Dickless wonder snowed in our Maison Blanc gloating.


2,699 posted on 01/24/2016 5:37:05 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick

That cali is a very pretty kitteh!

Obviously announcing once again that it’s morning.

And I had a rough night. I woke up around midnight with my sinuses so blocked it was almost two hours and a Benedryl before I was finally able to go back to sleep. Dang. I hate that.

I need to go to Wally’s but will wait until the back pain eases somewhat. Those two hours I was awake are going to take their toll today. *sigh*


2,700 posted on 01/24/2016 5:39:34 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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