Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 141-160161-180181-200 ... 10,941-10,943 next last
To: Gefn; moose07
Nay...These taffys were leeky Welsh rare bits mired in an alphabetic bog.

Long Welsh words could be road hazard

Sadly, Hooked on Phonics has failed to make inroads with them.

161 posted on 12/13/2015 5:32:19 AM PST by Covenantor ("Men are ruled-...by liars who passing refuse the. news, and by fools who cannot govern." Chesterton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 160 | View Replies]

To: Covenantor; moose07; Darksheare

Welsh Wabbits?

Why why why Deliah?


162 posted on 12/13/2015 5:38:44 AM PST by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 161 | View Replies]

To: Gefn; Monkey Face; Tax-chick; moose07

Tom Jones did a fine job with “Why, Why, Why Delilah”, but the original version of that lament by Samson brought the house down. He was the much neglected orginator of Rock and Roll.


163 posted on 12/13/2015 5:46:04 AM PST by Covenantor ("Men are ruled-...by liars who passing refuse the. news, and by fools who cannot govern." Chesterton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 162 | View Replies]

To: Covenantor

Heh, very clever!


164 posted on 12/13/2015 5:47:50 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 163 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

GAH! I slept in! It was 0530 before I woke up. But then, I was up most of the night again. *sigh*

I still want the chicken. The roast chicken, that Walmart doesn’t have done until almost 1000. And there never are any left over night!


165 posted on 12/13/2015 6:43:54 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 141 | View Replies]

To: Gefn; NoCmpromiz

It was pretty funny, wasn’t it! LOL!


166 posted on 12/13/2015 6:44:37 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 142 | View Replies]

To: Covenantor

Regal tiger... <3


167 posted on 12/13/2015 6:45:31 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 145 | View Replies]

To: moose07

I miss Clippy!!!
It’s the one thing I wish Microsoft would have kept.


168 posted on 12/13/2015 6:46:28 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 147 | View Replies]

To: Covenantor
That deserves a Round of Applause!
Nicely linked together.

There are traffic cones nearby....they are watching you...and when the Night comes down, they will move into position for an all out blockade of your road.

169 posted on 12/13/2015 6:49:09 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 163 | View Replies]

To: moose07

I’ve seen too many BSODs in my short computer-using history. There must be something magnetic in my body, because I never seem to get much life out of the darn things before they start to go wonky and then give that final BSOD gasp of death.

Afternoon, Moosie! How was your weekend?


170 posted on 12/13/2015 6:49:46 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 155 | View Replies]

To: Covenantor; Gefn

LOL!

I want some good chicken (or turkey) soup with big fat homemade noodles. Do I need to put carrots and leeks in it to qualify as “Jewish?” I don’t have a Jewish Mother, so I don’t know these things! LOL!


171 posted on 12/13/2015 6:52:21 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 161 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

You could try something canned from the Kosher foods section.


172 posted on 12/13/2015 6:53:17 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 171 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

So do i, His cheerful little face looking at you first thing in the morning as you try to wake up.
Gazing at you with an empty electonic all knowing look.
“I just read your E-mails....best put the Coffee on now.!”


173 posted on 12/13/2015 6:53:54 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 168 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Good Morning ‘Face.
Okay thank you ,Just getting ready to start the Night shifts for the week.
Hows your day progressing?

Typsoing like crazy...we are not alone....


174 posted on 12/13/2015 6:57:43 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 170 | View Replies]

Translations on any of the above nonsense are available upon request.
Just fill out all three sheets of form EF/fg/1625/987.2 and send to the address below:


175 posted on 12/13/2015 7:03:07 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 174 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face; Gefn
I dunno, maybe he could help...

nee Milton Supman

176 posted on 12/13/2015 7:21:12 AM PST by Covenantor ("Men are ruled-...by liars who passing refuse the. news, and by fools who cannot govern." Chesterton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 171 | View Replies]

To: Covenantor

I was going to say blaa-oh, but now that I know it’s been done, I won’t.


177 posted on 12/13/2015 7:32:50 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 176 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

believe it or not, we don’t have a Kosher section at this Walmart. In fact, I think one has to shop in Vegas, for that.

Progresso has some chicken soup with fat noodles, but the noodles are squishy and not at all tasty. Maybe I’ll just buy some broth, throw in some frozen mixed vegetables and add a small can of processed chicken and a bunch of homemade noodles. All I need is the broth, the noodles and the vegetables, and I’m in BIDness!


178 posted on 12/13/2015 7:37:25 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 172 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

I think you’d end up with more soup that way, too.


179 posted on 12/13/2015 7:38:04 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 178 | View Replies]

To: moose07

Yep. That’s the Clippy I know and love, for sure. And now I really MUST make coffee. I’ve already read my emails... ;o]


180 posted on 12/13/2015 7:38:41 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 173 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 141-160161-180181-200 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson