Posted on 08/29/2015 11:37:09 AM PDT by nickcarraway
Lisa – not her real name – said she met her first husband when she was a 21-year-old college student. She thought he was funny and driven and when he proposed, she believed she was making a "mature decision by marrying for the right reasons."
Those good feelings didn't last long.
"By our second anniversary, I was 23 years old and we had completely stopped having sex. My husband was deeply depressed and no matter how hard I tried to fix him, he wasn't getting better, and he wasn't showing any signs of desire or intimacy. Even though I knew the problem was with him, it sent me into a self-doubting spiral that eventually made me assume something was wrong with me," said Lisa, who lives in Alabama.
Lisa said the desire for intimacy led to her Ashley Madison, the website that carries the slogan "Life is short. Have an affair." Earlier this month, data from millions of users – including Lisa's – was posted online by hackers. The fallout from the hack has been massive, with government officials, celebrities and others appearing on the Ashley Madison list. Many have denied ever using the service and since the website had no way of verifying users' emails, proof can be hard to obtain
The hack has already resulted in one lawsuit in which users allege Ashley Madison didn't fulfill promises to eraser user profiles in exchange for an additional fee and on Friday, Noel Biderman, CEO of Ashley Madison's parent company Avid Life Media, resigned.
There have also been questions about the website's claim that as many as 30 percent of Ashley Madison users were women. The leaked data shows only about 5 million – or 15 percent – of the website's 35 million users were women.
Lisa said she was one of them. She set up an anonymous email and set her profile location to a larger metropolitan area where she lived. Soon, the connections starting coming in.
"It was sneaky and exciting, and it felt good every time a potential connection showed some interest," she said.
worth of self-doubt and fear totally vanished. Lisa eventually met Paul, a married man who was 15 years older than her. After weeks of cyber flirting, the two met for drinks in a neighboring town then went to a hotel room where they had sex.
"In one night, over a year's worth of self-doubt and fear totally vanished," she said.
Lisa met her Ashley Madison connection a few more times before deciding to officially separate from her husband. She continued to use the website to meet other married men and to have affairs. Most of the men, she said, told her they loved their wives- "who, in their pictures, were prettier and skinnier than me" – but were bored by their sex lives and used the affairs as a way to spice up their lives.
Lisa's motivations are exactly what Biderman described in a pre-hack interview. When asked why women would join Ashley Madison, he said it was all about "being the object of desire."
"Someone thought you were the greatest thing and wanted to spend their life with you. Ripping that away from someone feels awful. Now they don't even want to look at you, touch you, talk to you. But you have economic stability — A home. Kids. Family. You don't want to walk away from that just because you feel less than desired. People think, "I'll just put myself out there in an anonymous way." They want to rekindle that object of desire," he said.
After a period of time that appears more "Sex and the City" than wine and roses, Lisa met the man who would become her second husband. They didn't meet on Ashley Madison but he was married, though she said the union was "crumbling" before she came into the picture. The two wed and are happily married.
"He knows that I cheated on my ex, and he still trusts me," she said.
Lisa said she deleted her Ashley Madison account but, like many users, her data was still included in the leak. She said it was frightening to know her information is available to the public but credits her time on Ashley Madison for helping her leave an unhappy marriage and start over again.
"Without my affair, I wouldn't have the rock solid marriage I have now," she adds.
"Lisa," lives in Alabama and asked AL.com not to use her real name. She contacted AL.com after reading the story of "Mark," an Alabama man who recounted his time on Ashley Madison. She has written a first-person essay of her experiences on Ashley Madison which you can read here.
Did you try having sex with him...
“By our second anniversary, I was 23 years old and we had completely stopped having sex. My husband was deeply depressed and no matter how hard I tried to fix him, he wasn’t getting better, “
Sex, the common cure for depression...
I keep trying to explain that to any man I know who uses any sort of dating site. No woman who does not have some sort of game-breaker drawback would ever see the need to join one.
AKnotcom ^
Ronald -- not his real name – said he met his first wife when she was a 21-year-old college student. He thought she was funny and driven and when he proposed, he believed he was making a "mature decision by marrying for the right reasons."
Those good feelings didn't last long.
"By our second anniversary, I was 23 years old and we had completely stopped having sex. My wife was deeply depressed and no matter how hard I tried to fix her, she wasn't getting better, and she wasn't showing any signs of desire or intimacy. Even though I knew the problem was with her, it sent me into a self-doubting spiral that eventually made me assume something was wrong with me," said Ronald, who lives in Alaska.
Ronald said the desire for intimacy led to him to Here, Kitty, the website that carries the slogan "Life is short. Have an interspecies affair." Earlier this month, data from millions of users – including Ronald's – was posted online by hackers. The fallout from the hack has been massive, with government officials, celebrities and others appearing on the Here, Kitty list. Many have denied ever using the service and since the website had no way of verifying users' emails, proof can be hard to obtain
The hack has already resulted in one lawsuit in which users allege Here, Kitty didn't fulfill promises to eraser user profiles in exchange for an additional fee and on Friday, Bill Noelington, CEO of Here, Kitty’s parent company PSTA (People for the Sexual Treatment of Animals), resigned.
There have also been questions about the website's claim that as many as 30 percent of Here, Kitty users were cat owners. The leaked data shows only about 5 million – or 15 percent – of the website's 35 million users owned cats.
Ronald said he was disappointed. He set up an anonymous email and set his profile location to a larger metropolitan area where he lived. Soon, the connections starting coming in.
"It was sneaky and exciting, and it felt good every time a potential connection showed some interest," he said.
Issues of self-worth of self-doubt and fear totally vanished. Ronald eventually met Fluffy, a cat who was much younger than he. After weeks of flirting in the park and at an animal hotel, the two met for milk in a neighboring town then went to a hotel room where they had sex.
"In one night, over a year's worth of self-doubt and fear totally vanished," he said.
Ronald met his Here, Kitty connection a few more times before deciding to officially get engaged. He continued to use the website to meet other felines and to have affairs. Most of the owners, he said, told him they loved their kitties "who, in their pictures, were prettier and skinnier than me" – but knew their cats were bored by their sex lives and used the affairs as a way to spice up their lives.
Ronald’s motivations are exactly what Noelington described in a pre-hack interview. When asked why men or women would join Here, Kitty, he said it was all about "being the object of desire."
Veterinarians warn that cats can carry feline AIDS, distemper, Parvovirus, ticks, cat scratch fever, and other unwanted pests.
Sadly, history states they very, very rarely ever change.
” The leaked data shows only about 5 million – or 15 percent – of the website’s 35 million users were women. “
most of those were fake accounts or people who signed up and never came back
Only about 12,000 female accounts were actually active
some of those are men pretending to be women
His wife was cheating on him and wondering why her husband stayed depressed..... jeesh
The most details article I read said that only around 1,000 female accounts ever communicated with another user.
5... 4... 3.... 2...
And this is her story - not her real story.
Wow!!
There are people who, for their own reasons, want to believe.
They prefer the thought that they were chatting with a bored housewife then a $10.00 hooker.
But you are right, some people use it to excuse what they are doing to themselves (well at least I never...) or to fantasize about things they would not have the nerve to do.
Humans are both odd and interesting.
That is certainly true.
I wish they would stop calling this a hack. It was information copied and divulged by a disgruntled employee. That’s theft. It’s not a hack.
Journalists are so lazy these days.
When fragile, shallow people realize they are exactly that, they crumble. Our culture belittles virtue and character but has no substitute for it. Nihilists are notoriously miserable human beings.
Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley’s wife of 50 years, Dianne, today filed for divorce, saying “their marriage has suffered an irretrievable breakdown
Now we know who he was seeing : )
Yep not buying it.
No it happens...selfish cowards cheat before giving up their life style and financial security blanket...
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