Suicide... thinking about it. pros/cons?

August 14, 2015 | self

[proud American in Canada]

Hi,

I feel like I have relied on FR so much recently. Everything is breaking down around here. My husband checked himself into a hospital a couple of days ago; he needs heart bypass surgery.

My son and daughter are in the Gaspe peninsula visiting their grandmother. They will come back in a week, except my son will be stopping in Montreal to go to college.

Our house is falling apart; we have no exterior back wall and the insurance won't pay for it, that will cost $15K Canadian.

I am a lawyer in Colorado, but don't really know the ropes here in QC, especially in French.

I had my drivers license suspended for medical reasons; I am now on medication and should get it back soon. I have to, because my husband won't be allowed to drive after he has his surgery, which he won't have for another two weeks.

I just don't know what to do, except I do retreat to the feelings I have felt since I was fourteen... I was a "cutter" before it was cool. Over thirty years ago, I would walk from my law school dorm room in Chicago to the Walgreens... to buy razor blades. It felt so good to cut myself.

Now, all I can think about is finding those stupid keys for the gun locks that my husband put on his guns (he knows me too well).

I used to think I had something to contribute to the world. Now, I am not sure.

I called the hospital and I just wanted to go over there and sleep in a cot next to him, but I'm not allowed.

It's just me and my black Lab named Ellie.

Anyway, sorry to bother you all. Just wondered if anyone else here felt like this sometimes and what did you do about it?

[Politicalkiddo]

You seem to miss and love your husband. The fact that he put locks on his guns indicates he also loves you and doesn’t want you to harm yourself. He doesn’t want to lose you, and I suspect your children don’t either. Just my two cents. Hope you can get help.

[proud American in Canada]

“There is an un-being that wants you dead, it can influence you without your realizing it”

____________________________________________

That is true, I believe. We are in a spîritual war and we have to keep focusing on the light, on God, on His purpose for us. :)

Thank you all again. I’m going to get to sleep and get over to see my husband tomorrow.

At least now I know that there was a real physical reason why he was always so tired and never wanted to do anything on the weekends. He just needs some rest.. :)

Thanks again... So much. Julie.

[ConservativeMind]

Brisk exercise can give you a much better, much healthier high than cutting. Please get outside in nice surroundings and do some interval training. Also, please find time to focus on your walk with God.

[ctdonath2]

I understand the desire to just turn it off.

Don’t.

Doing so doesn’t turn it off.

Doing so makes every bad thing 1000 times worse for everyone you care about.

And you’ll find that last irreversible moment’s thought is “oh my God what have I done”.

Choose life. Live, regardless of all hardships, for the great joy of living for those you love, who love you, and for God the source of love.

[Mr. K]

go take a hot bath, drink some chamomiles tea, and get a good nights sleep... you’ll feel much better in the morning

start taking vitamins, if you are not - especially turmeric and cinnamon and vitamin D

You will know you have enough vitamin D when you start having vivid and pleasant dreams. Melatonin to help sleep

[Iscool]

You don’t know what next week brings...Be a pity to off yourself only to find out that in a short time things would have worked out and everything was fine...

There is good help out there...As one poster stated, call 911...They will help you immediately and get you on the track for more permanent help...

[Girlene]

Hang in there. Your husband, children, other family members need and love you.

It will be better in the morning. Thoughts can always seem darkest at nighttime.

Take some time tomorrow to make a list of priorities/tasks and start working through them. Sometimes our struggles seem too big for us, but when we make a little progress we find we can keep going. First on that list should be to talk to a minister or priest or ??? and just share your thoughts. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of others.

It’s good you are reaching out. Many of us here at FR will freepmail if you just want someone to listen to you.

Tomorrow, talk to someone higher up in the hospital if you want to stay with your husband.

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. A big hug to you.

[proud American in Canada]

“Think about who’s going to take care of Ellie if you blow your brains out.

Ellie needs you, my Friend.”

_______________________________________

LOL! How could I disappoint those gorgeous huge brown eyes... With her big floppy ears..

Anyway... I have a move to recommend, for any dog owners or dog lovers: Jack Black and Ben Stiller, I think, in Envy. Jack Black’s character invents Vapoorizer... ? which magically cleans up dog poop. It is a really funny movie which is sadly underrated.

Anyway, thank you all again. :)

[rikkir]

I just sent you mail.

[Heart-Rest]

Please don't do that. Besides your own dear self, you will end up devastating many more people than you realize, and that will be forever. Please get help, right now. Here are some places you can start:

• Thinking About Suicide?

• Crisis Centres across Canada

• "http://suicideprevention.ca/" (their home page)

• Canada Suicide Hotlines

• List of suicide crisis lines (including Canada)

[berdie]

Dang it, Proud American. I don’t know you...wouldn’t know you if we passed on the street.

But I will promise you...I will worry about you all night. And tomorrow and all the tomorrows.

[proud American in Canada]

Thank you. :)

[Texas Songwriter]

Please do not do this. Yes, God loves you. My wife and I love you. How can we help you? Private mail it to me if you wish. Take your eyes off of self and think of your black lab. She needs you. Look for tiny points of joy. Look at the flowers, the sky, your friends. If you need to talk, about anything, write me on the Freep mail. Considerhis the gift of life which God gave you. You are important enough that the Creator of the universe formed you. Get to know His nature and plan. He has one for all of us. One day, you will be able sit with Him an ask all of the questions which plague you now, and He will answer. your questions. Love not the word. Neither the things that are in the world. If any man loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is of the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life are of the world and not the father, and the world passeth away, and things thereof, but he that doeth the will of Father abideth forever. Geet to know God's nature. It is astonishing.

Many freepers love you and will pray for joy in your life.

[Rome2000]

He’ll tell you its not you but him, but really, its you.

[Mean Daddy]

A permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please reach out to Boys Town’s suicide line at 1-800-448-3000 or one in your area. There are numerous public and private entities that will provide financial, spiritual and medical assistance. Sending prayers your way.

[fivecatsandadog]

If you do it, you can’t undo it. It’s final. NOTHING is resolved. You will have wasted the only life God has given to you. And you will burn in hell forever.
Strength and prayers to you.

[Chauncey Uppercrust]

God Bless You

You need to get to a Bible believing Church. If you do not have a Church at present and are living in Canada, you need to call 100 Huntley Street, Crossroads Christian Communications

They are on the web at crossroads.ca

They will refer you to a Christian Bible believing Church in your area. You can be sure that any Church they reccomend to you will be genuine.

You can be sure you will not be sent to a liberal Non Bible Believing Church nor a Non Christian Church

It might be any number opf denominations, but highly highly unlikely they would send you to a MAIN Line Church, simply because most main line Churches are dead

Now if for instance you are not a Christian or you are not sure, you do not need a Church to become a Christian, all you need is a sinners prayer

A Sinners prayer is any prayer that Thanks Jesus for dying on the cross for your sins

Here`s one here that I am just making up

God Be Merciful to me a sinner, Dear Lord Jesus Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins, I believe you suffered and died and blead for me, thank You for dying on the Cross for my sins, come into my life Lord Jesus, save me, be my saviour and Lord, Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins, I turn to you Lord God from my sins through faith in Christ jesus. Please fill me with your Holy Spirit

Get in a quiet place by yourself when nobody is around, you can be on your knees or flat on your back, pray a prayer along those lines, it must include Jesus dying on the cross for your sins or else it is totally of no value

Pray that prayer tell the Lord you love him Tell Jesus you love him over and over, ask for the Baptism in the Holy Spirit

Just praise Him Jesus for a good long time, just let yourself go

I became a Christian in just that way, not in a Church, but yes we need fellowship with other believers , I would hope you would find a good Pentecostal Church (though I have no denomination outside of Christian myself)

A Bible believing Church is what you need, 100 Huntley Street does this very thing, they dont want you wasting your time going to a dead Church were they support anti Christian evils

God Bless you

You dont have to be saved in a Church, you can be saved in your bathroom

[skeeter]

God put you here. Give him control and tough it out.

He knows what he's doing.

[Duchess47]

Dear Lady, praying now and will continue for you, for comfort and courage and strength for you to face what’s happening and to win. Please do not consider hurting your family and friends by leaving them. Your Mom was right, tomorrow is new day and every new day brings it’s own miracles. Please PM me if you want to talk.

[goodnesswins]

Please don’t....my grandfather did....affected our family in so many bad ways for generations...your family needs you....please get help...and like someone else said...take some Vit D3....5000-10000iu...get your levels checked. It really is the SUNSHINE vitamin!