Praying for you
Posted on 08/14/2015 7:48:39 PM PDT by proud American in Canada
Hi,
I feel like I have relied on FR so much recently. Everything is breaking down around here. My husband checked himself into a hospital a couple of days ago; he needs heart bypass surgery.
My son and daughter are in the Gaspe peninsula visiting their grandmother. They will come back in a week, except my son will be stopping in Montreal to go to college.
Our house is falling apart; we have no exterior back wall and the insurance won't pay for it, that will cost $15K Canadian.
I am a lawyer in Colorado, but don't really know the ropes here in QC, especially in French.
I had my drivers license suspended for medical reasons; I am now on medication and should get it back soon. I have to, because my husband won't be allowed to drive after he has his surgery, which he won't have for another two weeks.
I just don't know what to do, except I do retreat to the feelings I have felt since I was fourteen... I was a "cutter" before it was cool. Over thirty years ago, I would walk from my law school dorm room in Chicago to the Walgreens... to buy razor blades. It felt so good to cut myself.
Now, all I can think about is finding those stupid keys for the gun locks that my husband put on his guns (he knows me too well).
I used to think I had something to contribute to the world. Now, I am not sure.
I called the hospital and I just wanted to go over there and sleep in a cot next to him, but I'm not allowed.
It's just me and my black Lab named Ellie.
Anyway, sorry to bother you all. Just wondered if anyone else here felt like this sometimes and what did you do about it?
Stop thinking that way, right now-your family needs you to be their Gibraltar, and having suicidal ideation is not going to help you or anyone else. We women are strong and can do whatever it takes to hold things together-we are made that way
As a former case manager, I recommend that you seek counseling/therapy, one-on-one with a psychologist/psychotherapist that you can trust-I would also advise staying away from prescribed drugs in your present emotional state, and rely on therapy instead, but that is your choice.
If your are a Christian-or a Jew-pray for strength and guidance-God answers our prayers-sometimes not in the way we expect-but always in the way that is best for us. If you are Catholic, pray your rosary-Mother Mary understands the grief and the pain of women and comforts us-my own rosary is never far from my hand-I even have one in my truck...
I’m not just blowing smoke here-I lost MrT5 to an untimely death a few years ago, and just about everything but my ass to a bank less than 2 years later-so I was contemplating checking out, even though I knew perfectly well that was not the answer to anything.
I prayed with and without my rosary, then did it some more-I picked myself up, went to a psychotherapist I’ve known for years from work and really got into weekly therapy for several months, threw myself into what little work there was, walked away from the house my husband and I had built, rented the place I live in now-a dump by any standard, but adequate shelter for my old Husky, three cats and me.
Then I was able to hire a pitbull lawyer a realtor friend recommended, told the bank that had ruined my life to vete a la chingar-talk to my lawyer-and got on with what is now a very hard life.
And that is where I’m at now-I believe my attorney will get me a good settlement-enough to buy some acreage on this road, build a nest that can go off grid, have a garden and livestock to help make a living with-I’m not greedy, and I was raised on a ranch-I’m used to hard living. I haven’t thought of giving up in over a year now, I thank God every day for His help and love.
You will get through this-you can do it-you are so fortunate to have your husband alive, your children near. God bless and keep you, FRiend, and keep us informed if you would, please...
I have never thought about it because I cherish life too much. And besides, God is the only one who decides when your time is up. Nor would I ever do anything so selfish to my children. No matter what problems you think you have, if you take your life, you only make matters worse for those you leave behind. They will spend the rest of their lives feeling guilty, and wondering if it was their fault, and if they could have done anything different to stop you. Get some help.
The wreckage one leaves when suiciding is vast. Your husband will grieve to the point of pure agony. Suicide is a selfish act bar none other in this world.
God loves you. I love you too. I was committing suicide by the dime bag when I was in addiction. I found a way out. This way will work for you, too, even without being an addict.
Contact me.
If you kill yourself, you will be killing the wrong woman.
As a pastor of 40 years and volunteer police chaplain, please don’t do it ...like one of posters said the cup is neither half empty nor half full...it is refillable. You hang in there your condition is temporary and the wife and I will keep you in prayer. Keep us updated please!
Freegards
LEX
Had pings and FReepmails from some of the many people on the thread who are giving you great advice and encouragement. I’m on my phone because kids are on all the computers, so short and sweet: STAND. Today, tomorrow, Thursday ... STAND. For your family, your dog, and the good name of Conservatism, STAND.
Also, you think you have problems? My 6-year-old has a rash on his butt!
Seconded: “stand fast”
Exactly, life is always ‘refillable’.
I’ve always thought that the problem with suicide is that one never knows what wonderful thing might happen the day AFTER.
Trust in Life!
-JT
I forgot to suggest that you get close with Ellie-my Husky girl is 16-so she was already old when all this went down in my life a couple of years ago-but she was right beside me, along with the cats-she still is. I don’t think I’d have come through without my pets-and I’ll always see that they have the best I can afford-and all the attention they want as soon as I walk in from work.
Praying for you
Prayers to you, and prayers that you find the Rock to hitch your anchor - and to get you through this storm.
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease a couple of years ago, and I felt like I had reached an end. Looking at the future only yields a terrible darkness....
I still hadn’t reached a finality as I’m still fighting this. Surely a struggle of the worst kind.
Spot on, Laz.
Hi Julie,
I think that is your name that you posted in one of the replies. I am not sure if my email to you went through so please forgive me if you get two of these. I sent it to you privately and pray the Lord will show you how precious you are. : )
Here it is if you did not see it:
Hi proud American in Canada,
I don’t check in to FR that much anymore, just on occasion. I am conservative, but more importantly Christian. May I share with you some thoughts? First off, please write me anytime and I will pray with you or share scripture with you. I could go on about things in my life that are sad, but there is one constant that will never change that is the most beautiful, wonderful thing and that is God’s love for me. He loves me and I know it. Happy (blessed times exceedingly blessed) are the people who’s God is the Lord. May I ask you...is Jesus your Lord? If not he said, you were the reason he came to this earth. God loves all of us as if there were only one of us. And if you were the only person on this earth, he would have come for you. I do think that if you need medication that is okay. But I did have a pastor that brought up a very good point...The most important thing is get on your knees right now, yes right now...you can read what I have to say later and let Him comfort you. There are promises in HIs word for you. He said He would never NEVER that means never leave you. (So please don’t leave your husband in this hateful way. He loves you too by what you wrote.) God’s word says He is our Wonderful Counselor. You can tell Him ANYthing. I do. I tell him all about anything and everything. Because He is my best friend. You can do that too. He speaks in a still small voice. But sometimes when I can’t hear him I say, “Please God, speak louder.” He gives hope, love, faith. All these things come from HIm. He says in His word for you to ask, but don’t doubt, and you will receive the things you ask for. But also, sometimes we don’t know how to pray and we ask for things that would not be right or good for us. He is a good Father. He knows what is best so remember after you pray to always say, “Lord, not my will but Yours be done.”
Dear Proud American in Canada,
God created you. Maybe watch that movie “It’s A Wonderful Life” and know without you our world will be a sadder place. It will be sadder for your husband. It will be sadder for your children. It will be sadder for Ellie.
A good friend of mine’s twin left this life in that horrible manner. That was about 3 years ago. After that, their mom tried to leave in the same way because she was so sad about it. But she failed her attempt and only caused more health issues to herself! But my friend has not recovered. If you’d like to know how awful it is for the ones you leave behind read this letter she wrote to us:
I know it seems like such a simple thing to respond to emails...somedays it is so over-whelming!
Just the process of grieving while holding it together for my 3 kids and husband, home-schooling and providing meals is all I can do!
I am sorry to be a flake, I do love reading and praying for you all. I have been having a very hard time since Thanksgiving...I guess I
realized when my brother didn’t show up, that he really never will! The fact that it was suicide adds a component to the grief that is inde-scribable....
I have questioned things like never be-fore...is God good ...ALL the time? Is His grace sufficient? I have come to the conclusion that absolutely Yes He is good!
Please continue to pray for me as I work through all these issues, the grief and pain and that I would be able to stand strong for my fam-ily and be a light to others!
If you need someone to talk with, I recommend
1. Calvary Chapel Churches or a good Christian church in your area.
2. You can also go to this site, a caller called in about this topic:
New Life Live: http://newlife.com/new-life-live-october-7-2013
3. Focus On the Family: Talk with a counselor here
https://focusonthefamily.webconnex.com/counselingrequests?_ga=1.208867031.474982768.1439611092
Here are some promises from God’s Word for you and there are many more in His Word. My scriptures this month in context and with references:
I AM with you always...
Matthew 28:20
Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.
The God who created this amazing beauty says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Hebrews 13:5
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”
“You are the apple of my eye.”
apple of His eye: Originally meaning the central aperture of the eye. Figuratively it is something, or more usually someone, cherished above others.
The idea that someone or something is a most prized possession, like the apple that is the best in the bunch, is found in the Bible five times. This is how God sees His chosen ones, and this is how we should see God and His Word. We are His prize and He is ours.
Zechariah 2:8: For thus saith the LORD of hosts; After the glory hath he sent me unto the nations which spoiled you: for he that toucheth you toucheth the apple of his eye.
“He found him in a desert land. And in the wasteland, a howling wilderness; He encircled him, He instructed him, He kept him as the apple of His eye.” -Deuteronomy 32:10 NKJV
“Keep me as the apple of Your eye; Hide me under the shadow of Your wings.” - Psalm 17:8 NKJV
“I love you with an everlasting love.”
Jeremiah 31:3
The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, “Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.”
Much love to you : )
I meant to send my response JUST to you (privately) but must have checked the wrong box. And now it went to everybody! Awww well, perhaps the Lord wants everyone to see it. I also tried to send this post to you privately. I must be tired and just not doing it right~ So here it is for all to read....besides I wanted to say to EVERYONE that it was wonderful reading all of your inspiring, uplifting, and many God centered posts.
Julie, I read that one comment that made you sad, that was kind of negative about your post, the one who commented on the title. Don’t fret one bit about that comment. You reached out to us and that was wise.
I think because you wrote to all of us, it shows you really do want to live.
My brother and I talked of the topic of suicide when we were younger. He told me it is such an unnatural thing to do. Look at all the animals in the animal kingdom. They fight for their lives. They naturally fight to live. And so that is exactly what you did by writing to us. You are fighting to live. And because you brought up this topic, I am positive you helped a lot of people.
While at your post, many stopped looking at all the reasons to be frustrated and upset about things going wrong in our world...we stopped complaining, arguing, and being angry for a moment and focussed on doing something good. You caused others to be noble and fight for a good cause. And it was interesting reading the comments. I am not saying this is good that you are feeling low...not at all. I wish for you to feel God’s loving, Fatherly, beautiful arms around you. I wish for you help in all the areas you mentioned.
I’m just observing that you are a smart woman to have reached out instead of carrying through with the depressed feelings.
You were brave to reach out to us and you are brave to continue living though life can be very hard.
More promises from Your Heavenly Father:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Cast your cares upon the Lord, He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall.
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
Take care of yourself Julie. Life is worth living. Please write if you have any questions or want specific prayer. : )
You always have something to contribute to the world. Your love, Your experience, Your self. My only child, my daughter was a 'cutter' in her teens and early twenties. She is now a grown woman with a son and a great husband. Today is her son's, and my only grand child, first day of school. You can handle all of these problems, with a little bit of God's help. He never gives us more problems than we can handle, and He will always be there for us. The one thing the Bible say that God will give us without fail if we pray for it is 'Wisdom'. He will give you the tools you need to solve these problems, just ask, and it will be given. The sky may be dark and cloudy, but above the clouds the sun is always shining. You can be the rock that anchors all your family together at this time of trouble, because they need you.........................
Will all love and affection in Jesus Christ, I pray for you to be helped and healed...............
Red Badger......................................
There seems to be a rash of this kind of thought. Recently, I found myself in a conversation with a young woman who felt that so many negative things in her life were piling upon her and that she thought that perhaps the world would be better-off without her. This kind of thought deeply saddens many people here. Whatever darkness is beckoning to you, do not answer its call. You are loved and needed by so many that your absence would leave a obvious void in their lives. Reach out to our Lord, reach out to a clergyman, reach out to trusted friends and/or family. There are many who will gladly give to you a lifeline if you will only ask.
I am praying peace for you this morning, proud American in Canada.
Keep fighting, love. I hope you can see through the fog soon. But it WILL lift. I promise.
Hope this helps.
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