I Never Told You I Was Real Smart

Osage Orange ^ | 1-20-15 | Osage Orange

[Osage Orange]

Well.....Im not the sharpest toothpick...but I do have a degree.

Thus said....I'm a man. So....I have a lot of excuses.

Last week.....I had a water pipe leaking a bit underneath my home. Being the ultimate optimist..or just wishing it would go away..I waited a day or two..before taking action.

I was loathing crawling underneath my house...ONCE again. Oh....I've enough money to pay for that type of thing...but I'm smarter than that!! : ) My father taught me how to do many things...work on cars, work on plumbing..digging ditches, sweeping the damn garage.......ummm...sorry..I digress.

So....I've plumbed real crappy jobs...( sewer pipe...) cut and threaded galvanized...soldered copper, glued PVC, etc....so I CAN do it...but I aint jumping up and down about DOING it...under my DAMN house!!

But, because I'm smarter than the professional plumbers....I decide I can't avoid the problem any longer..after my neighbor's a 1/2 mile away tell me...there's a new pond in my pasture. Well....at least I'm creating some wetlands.

Anyway...I grab some duct tape...and crawl under the house. I find the problem...and after much thought...I deduce duct tape won't fix it. Dammit!!

I go to the local supply place....looking like a swamp man after a tussel with a gator....The owner eyes me up and down..and says we need a picture!! Bass Turd!!

Well I tell him what the problem is...and he proceeds to take me to some fittings and some piping called PEX that he says will/can/might fix the problem. I'm standing there...dirty, muddy, smelly..looking at fittings I've NEVER ever seen before!! WHAT the HELL are these I ask?

Why these are the new going thing...SharkBite plumbing fittings he says!! I'm totally NOT believing these fittings can work.....I need solder, I need glue, teflon tape!! He assures me...these fitting work. I'm thinking BS!!

But of course..I'm a man and I buy what he thinks I need.....all the time telling myself I'm an idiot..for believing him.

So I get home.....suck it up and crawl into hell again......with my pipe cutter, flex pvc cutter, and the fittings. Once underneath....I figure it out...cut what I need to couple some things together...push some fittings together...and bingo...I'm done. Thinking all the time this was too freaking easy!!

I crawl back 20 yds to the light.....turn the water on..and my meter isn't spinning like the USA debt meter...!! YEAH!!!...I fixed that puppy with the wierdest fittings I've ever seen!! My chest is puffed out...and hearing "Feeling Good" in my head!!

Five hours later at 2200.....I hear the water leaking again...W^$%&*!!!FH[[$$H!!! I KNEW it!! I should have duct taped everything!!! And not trusted these dumb ass fittings!!!!

As I am too old for this crap..and loath going under there again....I succumb, throw in the towel, fold, give up..etc. I call a plumber. But they can't come that day or the next...but maybe the day after that!!! My fate is determined.......I'm screwed.

I go back to the supply place.........I tell him...I have a leak again...sounds like the same place. I ask about fail rate on these @%^#$&$% fittings.....he say's it not high at all....OF course I'm SO HAPPY about crawling under there again!!!

I turn the water on about 1/4....so I can see where it's leaking. I crawl into hell again....skinny over 20 yards AGAIN to the leak...and yeah..it's spraying everywhere right out of one of them awesome %#$^$%&%!! fittings!!!! I start just making sure...they are all pushed tight...and lo and behold...one cliks together deeper...and the leaking stops outright!!!! IT"S A MIRACLE!!!

I crawl out....strip on my patio..go into my house naked...and take a shower. Thinking...hoping..that's it!!

Next day...I have to go to my Fri, Sat, Sun job......It's 0415 I'm in the shower...I notice a bump on my lower left front quadrant...Don't think much of it....

By the end of day...it's a sore bump..with some red around it. But the good thing is.....I'm an AWESOME PLUMBER...no leak!!!!

I wake up Sat morning. and it hurts to touch it...like touching it with a hot match!! . Got a little black dotting in the middle of the bump..and the red is bigger!! GOOD GOD!!! I think I got bit by a Brown Recluse!!! At least I'm figuring that was it!!! I look up all the info I can on Recluse bites...and start monitoring my symptoms....

It hurt to touch it...but I'm feeling okay. No other symtoms....I'm icing it..and taking some Tylenol. BUT AT LEAST I CAN STILL PLUMB!!!! NO LEAK!!!

That night I sleep okay..Sunday morning....it's worse!!!! Hurts way, way worse..bigger red...so I'm thinking...OMG it's going to necrose into my gut...down to my manhood..and I'm going to die!!!!!!

But...I don't have any other symptoms!!! I suck it up and go to work...because I'm a man, DAMMIT!!! I ice it down a couple / four times...and it finally doesn't look as tense and angry.....and by the end of the day...it's soft..and drained a bit. I'm GOING TO LIVE!!!!!!

I get home...and pop a beer. No water leak!!! AWESOME!!!

Life is GOOD!!!!!

Then notice the AIR isn't working!!!! WTH!?!?!?!?!?

Damn good thing.... I NO NOTHING about air conditioning.

[GeronL]

lol

[ifinnegan]

It’s cool.

[NativeSon]

Awesome thread, I feel like we're sitting around in lawn chairs at a BBQ telling our war stories.

I will fix or try to fix everything. Somethings, like pumping the septic tank is not within my definition of "everything".

I recently fished 300 feet of 3/4" PEX through the ceiling/floor joists and nearly lost my mind.

[certrtwngnut]

Red Green would fix it with duct tape. Right after he fixed his waders and fan belt.

[paulcissa]

In my world (work and family), I'm called "The Fixolator". A long time ago I realized you'll never get the same quality of work from others that you can get by doing it yourself. I've learned so much over 45 years of doing it myself that I get pissed when I have to pay for substandard work.

Does that make me smart? Nope. It makes me self-reliant and I like that. Oh, and that PEX stuff is the best thing since sliced white bread.

[SelmaLee]

I’m a 60-year-old woman, and I completely plumbed a (tiny) house using PEX this past summer. So far, no leaks, and it is a lot more tolerant of freezing weather.

[Osage Orange]

ROFLOL!!!

Yep!!!

Adds new meaning to the Mexican or Chinese handcuffs!! Ha!!

[Osage Orange]

Sounds like fun!!!

[Osage Orange]

Ditto all that!!

[Osage Orange]

You are awesome!!

[Osage Orange]

Sure was......

Now and again...I watch re-runs.

[SWAMPSNIPER]

I found that if I warned customers not to do it they were more likely to do it than if I just didn't tell them. You can learn a lot about people in the hardware business.

Super glue is interesting too.

[Osage Orange]

Had a family member of a patient with a fake arm.....I never noticed it until a fellow staff member pointed out she wore jewelery on it....

Then I could not help but look......

People are what they are...I guess.

[SWAMPSNIPER]

A lady ran in to the store one day waving her right arm and squealing. When I got her calmed down it turned out that she squeezed a tube of super glue without puncturing the metal seal under the cap. The bottom crimp blew out and she glued her thumb, two fingers and the glue tube into a solid mass. I had to use acetone, and the whole time she was giving me hell because her nail polish was coming off. If I had laughed one time she would have killed me.

[donna]

What a coincidence, there is a theory that only pimps (and Muslims) think all women to some degree are prostitutes.

[IYAS9YAS]

I found that if I warned customers not to do it they were more likely to do it than if I just didn't tell them. You can learn a lot about people in the hardware business.

Yeah. We'll do stupid things if you tell us not to.

[IYAS9YAS]

Yeah. We'll do stupid things if you tell us not to.

Sometimes twice, if we get out of the first try unscathed. Just to show others what we did...

[5th MEB]

Same thing here; master plumber by trade, spent 32 years as a supervisor of all trades (elec, hvac, carp, electronics, locks, masonary, etc) you get the picture.
You have a tendency to pick up a little bit in every trade, but you sure don’t turn into an expert in any except your own.
But my ever-loving wife seems to believe entirely differently; whatever it is, if it’s broke I can fix it.
I keep telling her otherwise but when push comes to shove I still have to punt before calling in somebody who really does know how to fix it.
She also does not take into account that I am several years retired (and not as flexible as I used to be) and not up on all the changes in code or new materials and methods.

[Squantos]

ROTFLMAO !!!

Awesome typical, of my projects, yet awesome.....love PEX, simple ...no really .....:o)

Stay safe !

[KC Burke]

I one time took two hours assembling tools and tool boxes in front of a failing dishwasher. When I opened it up, I realized that soap residue had encrusted the drain tube and with a flick of my finger I could solve the whole problem.

My wife did not see me clean off the tube blockage and instead saw me shut the dishwasher, speak to the appliance in a stern voice warning it that my tools were there and ready and if it did not immediately straighten its act up it was in for a disembowelment. I then started it up and it worked fine.

I told her that there were even household appliances that had proper fear and respect for the master of the house and put my tool boxes away in the garage much to her bewilderment.