"Prophet" Mohammed Jokes

In light of the events today, I think we should start a recurring, and on-going, thread of Mohammed Jokes.

I'll start, but remember "jokes don't kill people. Muslims offended by jokes kill people."

And remember, stereotyping a person because of religion is not fair, be they a Christian, Jew, or a terrorist.

Prophet Mohammed was out on a jihad in foreign lands, got sick, and couldn't get better. He finally called in a Jewish wise man who examined him.

The sage thought for a bit, and then told Mohammed: "Get a bucket. Poop in the bucket. Pee in the bucket. Have all your family do it. Then leave the bucket in a closet for a week. Next, for 7 days, put your head in the bucket and breathe deeply. Then call for me."

Mohammed did as he was told, then called for the sage "By my beard! I am cured! How did you do it?!"

++++++++++++++++ Q. What is the difference between the Prophet Muhammad and Michael Jackson? A. One is a pedophile child rapist and the other recorded six platinum albums.

Q. Why do Arab men wear dirty bed sheets? A. Because a camel can hear the sound of a zipper from a mile away.

Q. What’s the difference between Mecca and a bowl of yogurt?  A. The yogurt has a living culture.

Q. What is the difference between a roll of toilet paper and the Koran?  A. One is great for wiping your butt and the other comes in 2-ply.

Q. Why doesn’t G-d stop the wars in the Middle East? A. He doesn’t like Muslims either.

Q. How do you get Mohammed's wife pregnant? A. Dress her up as a 10-year old boy.

Q. Did you hear about the Muslim family living in the US who are making every effort they can to integrate themselves into the local community, thereby contributing to worldwide peace and harmony and a greater understanding of their faith?

++++++++++++++++++ If you get on a plane these days you're not allowed to take shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, liquid soap ...

And I'm thinking, "Aren't they the very things a Muslim wouldn't be carrying anyway?"

Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.

I've set up a demolition company and I don't have to pay my workers. All I do is spray paint 'Mohammad liked it up the ass' on the side of the building.

"Muhammad come quick, there's a wanted poster with your face on in the market square. It says you're wanted for paedophilia."

Muhammad: "From this day forth, to draw Muhammad is blasphemous and shall be punishable by death!"

If there was a war in my country because of my religion I would do the only rational thing-

Move to the other side of the world and demand them to adopt to my religion. +++++++++++++++++

My work colleague, Akmed, heard me ranting about my putz of a neighbour and he gave me the following advice. "Think what my holy prophet Mohammed would do in your situation".

So, Hitler, Idi Amin, and Mohammed are all sitting in the waiting room in Hell. Finally, the Devil shows up and says:

“Welcome! It’s not often that we have such distinguished guests down here. Before we show you to your permanent quarters, I’ve prepared a special welcome party for you three.”

Hitler, a little surprised, turns to the other two and says “Well, the Devil doesn’t seem so bad after all!”, to which Idi and Mohammed agreed.

“Now,” continued Satan, “before the party, I would like each of you to go through this door over here, and behind it you will find the greatest zoo you have ever seen. There, I have collected specimens of every animal that has ever existed on earth. Each of you gets to pick one of your favorite animals from the zoo to bring to the party.”

Hearing this, Idi got excited: “Ooh, I love animals. I had quite the zoo myself, but this should be magnificent!”

So, the three notables crossed the room to the door, and when they entered, they saw before them a grand cavern, with terraces that extended for miles, filled with every imaginable creature, living or extinct. There were great enclosures, with every imaginable type of ecosystem for the land animals, giant aquariums for all of the sea creatures, and massive aviaries for every type of flying thing. Stunned, the men set about surveying the place as they tried to decide which of these marvelous creatures to choose as their companion for the party.

Meanwhile, the Devil sat back in the waiting room, until finally, Hitler was the first to return, leading a German Shepherd along with him.

“Ah, I see you have made your choice!” said Lucifer.

“Yes, I saw many great beasts, but I was lonely for my loyal pets that I left behind, so I have chosen this fine dog which reminds me of them.” replied Adolf.

“Very good!” said the Devil. “Now, if you will proceed through the next doorway, we can get this party started in earnest.”

Proceeding through the gate, Hitler saw a strange contraption which two demons promptly chained him to after swiftly disrobing him.

“I hope you are comfortable, my friend.”, said Satan. “For here, you shall be raped for the next thousand years by the beast you chose.”

Hearing this, Adolf began to giggle, but Satan had seen some strange characters in his time, so he chocked it up to eccentricity and went back to the waiting room. He didn’t have to wait long before Idi Amin returned, leading a lion.

“Ah, so this is the beast you have chosen?” asked the Devil.

“Indeed! I have always felt a kinship with this great hunter, as I was also like a king among beasts.” answered Amin.

“Good, now let us go into the next room to the party!” exclaimed Satan.

Entering the next room, Amin was also strapped to a similar apparatus, as Satan explained his predicament to him. This elicited a hearty burst of laughter from Idi Amin.

“Strange,” mumbled Satan, “but Hitler also laughed when I described his torture to him. I just thought he was a bit of a weirdo, but you find it even funnier than he did. What is going on here?”

“Well,” said Idi, “me and Hitler are in for a rough time for sure, but that dipstick Mohammed is still back in the zoo trying to pick his favorite dinosaur!”

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