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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 11/07/2014 4:45:27 AM PST by Lucky9teen
House of Representatives 2008 and......................................2014
Who are the most bitter on Twitter?
Bette Midler ✔ @BetteMidler - Well, we can look forward to: unregulated banks, no health care, filthy air and oceans, and WAR, WAR AND MORE WAR. Thanks, folks! Michael Moore ✔ @MMFlint - INSANE:Maj of US for gay rights, womens rights, civil rights, want climate change laws, raise min wage- then let minority elect Repub Senate
Lizz Winstead ✔ @lizzwinstead - Prediction: Republicans win control of your body.
Lizz Winstead ✔ @lizzwinstead - Well at least colorado voters decided life does not begin at your erection.
Dan Savage ✔ @fakedansavage - What Florida needs is a governor who doesn't believe in climate change. Bye, Miami.
Dan Savage ✔ @fakedansavage - I think I'll just turn off the TV now and watch @JFLGags videos on YouTube until, oh, 2016 or so.
John Fugelsang ✔ @JohnFugelsang - Today's we learned that the most dangerous airborne virus in America isn't Ebola, it's Amnesia.
Lewis Black ✔ @TheLewisBlack - And so let the next election cycle begins. ELECTION EVERLASTING. AMEN.
John Cusack ✔ @johncusack - Mr Chomsky - The Leading Terrorist State http://www.truth-out.org/opinion/item/27201-the-leading-terrorist-state
Questlove Gomez ✔ @questlove - Congratulations America. You Will Now Get What You Asked For.
Frank Conniff @FrankConniff - In honor of GOP controlling the Senate, take a moment to fire a gun, frack the earth and not have access to health care.
And...a new meme is born...
Chris Matthews is having a very difficult time coping with yesterday's losses.
Not even a good football game can cheer Chris Matthews up
Santa told Chris Matthews he can't get him a 2008 version of Obama to put the thrill back up his leg for Christmas.
Not even a birthday party can lift his spirits. Can anything make Chris Matthews smile again?
Not even @patsajak telling Chris Matthews he just won $100,000 can get him out of his funk.
As if losing the Senate wasn't enough, Chris Matthews had to sit through McConnell's victory speech.
It doesn't matter how hard you try Mitch, Chris Matthews will never forgive you for capturing the Senate.
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: election; ofst; revolution; silliness
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...
2
posted on
11/07/2014 4:47:03 AM PST
by
Lucky9teen
(Justice will not be served until those who r unaffected r as outraged as those who r. B Franklin)
To: Lucky9teen
Long-time FreePer, 1st time in before 10.
3
posted on
11/07/2014 4:47:24 AM PST
by
WesG
(Without geometry, life is pointless.....)
To: Lucky9teen
4
posted on
11/07/2014 4:48:08 AM PST
by
left that other site
(You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
To: left that other site
5
posted on
11/07/2014 4:49:04 AM PST
by
left that other site
(You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
To: WesG
6
posted on
11/07/2014 4:49:51 AM PST
by
Delta 21
(Patiently waiting for the jack booted kick at my door.)
To: whinecountry
I almost forgot to ping you...
7
posted on
11/07/2014 4:51:27 AM PST
by
Lucky9teen
(Justice will not be served until those who r unaffected r as outraged as those who r. B Franklin)
To: Lucky9teen
8
posted on
11/07/2014 4:51:58 AM PST
by
exit82
("The Taliban is on the inside of the building" E. Nordstrom 10-10-12)
To: Lucky9teen
Star Wars 7
9
posted on
11/07/2014 4:52:26 AM PST
by
Dallas59
To: Lucky9teen
Nicely done Lucky. It is a happy Friday.
10
posted on
11/07/2014 4:53:29 AM PST
by
secret garden
(Why procrastinate when you can perendinate?)
To: Lucky9teen
11
posted on
11/07/2014 4:54:39 AM PST
by
RandallFlagg
(Vote fraud solution: Stake, Rope, Sugar and Bullet Ants.)
To: Lucky9teen
IBTZ
Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.
Cooter arrived first. When the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over. The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, Nope, ain't Stanley.
The mortician thought this was rather strange, so he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over. The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, No, it ain't Stanley.
The mortician asked, How can you tell? Gomer said, Well, Stanley had two ass-holes.
What! He had two ass-holes? asked the mortician.
Yup," said Gomer, "we never seen 'em, but everybody says, 'There's Stanley with them two ass-holes.'
Cooter and Gomer are both now employed in the Obama administration. Gomer works the Cincinnati IRS office and Cooter works in the Civil Rights division of the Just-us Department.
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "Its fart football."
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score..."
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score." Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally sh!ts in the bed.
The wife says, "What was that?"
The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."
They had just one job...
Some zingers for the ladies' benefit...
- One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
- A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
- "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack said as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
She replied, "Probably that I married you for your money."
- He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa, drink beer and fart.
- Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
- A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger. Whoosh Immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
- Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."
Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.
12
posted on
11/07/2014 4:58:06 AM PST
by
upchuck
(The language of government now is word-spew. ~ h/t Peggy Noonan)
To: Lucky9teen
13
posted on
11/07/2014 5:03:08 AM PST
by
ErnBatavia
(It ain't a "hashtag"....it's a damn pound sign, number sign, or octothorpe. ###)
To: Lucky9teen
14
posted on
11/07/2014 5:11:30 AM PST
by
reed13k
(For evil to triumph it is only necessary for good men to do nothings)
To: reed13k
15
posted on
11/07/2014 5:12:27 AM PST
by
EQAndyBuzz
(Ebola: Satan's End Game for Humanity.)
To: Lucky9teen
To: Lucky9teen
A couple of 90 year-olds were in court petitioning for a divorce. They had been married over 70 years.
The judge shakes his head and says, “I’ll certainly grant your divorce, but I have to ask - since you two have been together so long, why even bother with a divorce. What on earth could’ve happened to make you want to get a divorce now?”
They said “We wanted to wait until the children were dead.”
17
posted on
11/07/2014 5:18:51 AM PST
by
fruser1
To: Focault's Pendulum
18
posted on
11/07/2014 5:19:48 AM PST
by
John O
(God Save America (Please))
To: WesG
Wow! You are a long time freeper!
19
posted on
11/07/2014 5:20:29 AM PST
by
John O
(God Save America (Please))
To: Lucky9teen
20
posted on
11/07/2014 5:28:39 AM PST
by
JRios1968
(I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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