***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

This is why we can’t have nice things.

The inauguration of President Barraco Barner:

 

 

This wish:

 

 

This question:

 

 

This observation:

 

 

This shocking discovery:

 

 

This history lesson:

 

 

This welcome sign:

 

 

This origin story:

 

 

This stupid question:

 

 

This very important question:

 

 

This sad fact:

 

 

This call for help:

 

 

This tragedy:

 

 

This amateur art historian:

 

 

This person’s plug struggle (puggle):

 

 

This elevator drama:

 

 

This person’s severe lack of toast:

 

 

This unfortunate turn of events:

 

 

This person’s haircut:

 

 

This person’s dream:

 

 

This heart-wrenching show of devotion:

 

 

This message of love:

 

 

This person’s discovery of books:

 

 

This grammatical brunch:

 

 

This person’s plan: excuse the language

This person’s new perfume:

 

 

This person’s first elevator trip:

 

 

This adventure:

 

 

This biology lesson:

 

 

This interesting hypothesis:

 

 

This devastating fact:

 

 

And this time traveler’s discovery:

[zeugma]

Yeah but the best coffee comes from Africa, not South America

[relentlessly]

[IM2MAD]

At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. “My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one.

“Yes, I know,” said another. “My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee.”

“I couldn’t even mark an ‘X’ at election time, my hands are so crippled,”volunteered a third.

“What? Speak up! What? I can’t hear you! said a fourth.

“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a fifth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

“My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk!” exclaimed another.

“I forget where I am, and where I’m going,” said an elderly gent.

“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement.

“Well, count your blessings,” said one woman cheerfully, “thankfully, we can all still drive.”

[relentlessly]

BREAKING: US Patent Office revokes trademarks on “Green Bay Packers” name; says it offends gay people.

[IYAS9YAS]

Damn...a little spider was descending from the ceiling on a web strand, and nearly got into my bag of fresh cashews. Now he’s just hanging there...frustrated, I guess. I honestly didn’t know spiders like cashews. Not funny...just weird.

Careful. That's the Jumping Cashew Attack Spider.

They don't really like cashews. They prefer human flesh. They just hang out around the cashews, waiting for you to reach for one, then, BLAM! It attacks.

Nasty little buggers. They'll gnaw your whole hand off in seconds.

[Ingtar]

“Bring up the Holy Hand-grenade of Antioch!”

[IYAS9YAS]

One...

Two...

Five!

[a fool in paradise]

Can we discus this later?

[Ingtar]

Three, sir!

[IYAS9YAS]

Three!

[Baynative]

All you need to know about the WORLD CUP!

[Lucky9teen]

[Conservative4Ever]

Ahhh yes, the unintentional Lego fire walk in the dark at 3am while trying to reach the bathroom in a hurry. Good times, good times my friend. :-)

[IM2MAD]

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandfather replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!”

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”

Without looking up the old man said, “I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!”

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass. John yelled and said, “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me get to my car”.

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted ... “COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!”

[Ingtar]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVhoeR9n6lU

World Cup explained in 10 seconds!

[Lucky9teen]

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day, the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Test of Three?"

"That's correct," Socrates continued.

"Before you talk to me about my student, let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued, "You may still pass, though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

[Lucky9teen]

Silliest thing you'll see all week

[JRios1968]

My Virus, called Apathy, just wiped out the world in 453 days

[Lucky9teen]

[llevrok]

I have a rusty, dull razor blade. And a bottle of rubbing alcohol