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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 03/15/2013 5:42:17 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Stevens 320 right in the doorway. I gave it 5 shells, and noticing that it had no legs, even placed it in my wheelchair to help it get around. I then left it alone and went about my business. While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign right in front of our house. After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there in the wheelchair, right where I had left it. It hadnt rolled itself outside. It certainly hadnt killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadnt even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong, and its the misuse of guns by PEOPLE that kills people, or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world. Alright, well Im off to check on my spoons. I hear theyre making people fat.
(This is meant to make a point, not to be a literal representation of events. No gun was actually left unattended, just as no spoons were actually checked on. If you cannot grasp this, then you are more dense than the metal the gun is made from. Thank you.)
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: guns; insanity; ofst; silliness
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
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To: envisio
teaching ‘em how to drink good beer from a young age.. none of that nasty lite crap!
121
posted on
03/15/2013 8:30:09 AM PDT
by
absolootezer0
(2x divorced tattooed pierced harley hatin meghan mccain luvin' REAL beer drinkin' smoker ..what?)
To: N. Theknow
Logic:
ME: How would you like to bet me $5 that you're not here?
HIM: You want to bet me $5 that I'm not here?
ME: That's right.
HIM: That's the easiest $5 I'll ever make. You're on.
ME: OK. Now, when we prove something we have to use logic, so I'm going to prove you're not here by logic, OK?
HIM: OK.
ME: OK, now you're not in Juneau, Alaska, right?
HIM: No. I'm not in Juneau, Alaska. I'm right here.
ME: Bear with me on this. And you're not in Lincoln, Nebraska, right?
HIM: No, I'm not in Lincoln, Nebraska.
ME: And you're not in Tokyo, Japan, right?
HIM: Right!
ME: So, if you're not in Juneau, Alaska, Lincoln, Nebraska, or Tokyo, Japan, you must be somewhere else, right?
HIM: Right.
ME: And if you're somewhere else, you're not here.
Moral, English is not logical.
122
posted on
03/15/2013 8:31:27 AM PDT
by
ArGee
(An open mind is like an open window - if you don't have a screen, you get flies.)
To: fredhead
123
posted on
03/15/2013 8:31:30 AM PDT
by
r-q-tek86
("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
To: r-q-tek86
There’s a joke to go with that.
Bill had an issue with, um, flatulence. Every night, after he got into bed with his wife, he blew off a good one.
Bill’s wife was always telling him, “Some day you’re going to blow your guts out!” He’d just chuckle.
One night, after Bill came home from a bit of a bender, he climbed into the bed and passed out. His wife was ready, and put a bunch of hog intestines that she got from the butcher that day into the bed with him.
Later that night, she awoke to the sounds of Bill huffing, puffing, grunting and moaning in the bathroom. Puzzled, she called out, “Are you OK Bill?”
“No!” he replied. “You were right, I blew my guts out, and I’m having a bear of a time getting them back in!”
124
posted on
03/15/2013 8:38:52 AM PDT
by
Cyber Liberty
(I am a dissident. Will you join me? My name is John....)
To: fredhead
“”Although my wife can attest to the fact the the smell is definately NOT funny.””
Hey don’t be fooled by women and there apparent disgust for gas.
I am 6’4” 240ish. I eat whatever I want and rip it loudly whenever I get a chance. They are pretty powerful sometimes and I even impress myself sometimes.
My wife is 5’7” 130ish, preened, proper, soft and feminine. She eats more vegambles and such healthy food. She doesn’t rip it, she poots.
One would never think that this little soft, feminine, manicured, proper lady could out-gas a burly individual like me but Imma tell you what - she can flat out clear the room. I bow to her sometimes in amazement as I am gasping for air.
125
posted on
03/15/2013 8:42:25 AM PDT
by
envisio
(Its on like Donkey Kong!!)
To: ArGee
126
posted on
03/15/2013 8:42:27 AM PDT
by
fredhead
(I'm not losing my hair, it's just retired and relocating further south.)
To: envisio
Sounds like you need...
127
posted on
03/15/2013 8:45:18 AM PDT
by
r-q-tek86
("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
To: BenLurkin
Re Chinese names
This is both a statement and a question -
How Long Is A Chinaman’s Name.
128
posted on
03/15/2013 8:45:18 AM PDT
by
llevrok
(Keep your arms out. It makes it harder for them to throw a net over you.)
To: najida
“””Hey we menz is talking about wimmenz clothing and the lack thereof over here.””””
Oh and farting. We’re discussing farting too.
129
posted on
03/15/2013 8:47:12 AM PDT
by
envisio
(Its on like Donkey Kong!!)
To: llevrok
How High is a Chinese mountain.
130
posted on
03/15/2013 8:48:20 AM PDT
by
ZirconEncrustedTweezers
(I'll stop being a cynic when the world stops giving me reasons to be cynical.)
To: llevrok
Name father gave to Chinese baby born with blonde hair: Sum Ting Wong
131
posted on
03/15/2013 8:50:43 AM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
To: sunny48
OMGoodness! That was a dang riot! The salesman was a good sport about it when he found out who the madman was.
To: absolootezer0
We got an email this week that said we should wear green to work St Patricks day.
I wore Realtree Hardwoods. Its green. What do they want from me?
133
posted on
03/15/2013 8:54:12 AM PDT
by
envisio
(Its on like Donkey Kong!!)
To: envisio
*their
and there’s nothing wrong with a 57 130ish, preened, proper, soft and feminine person who likes vegetables and such healthy foods.
after all.. what good is a steak without some grilled asparagus and onions on top, and some mashed taters, gravy and corn on the side?
especially since it ensures a good rip combined with a really rank odor.
134
posted on
03/15/2013 8:55:25 AM PDT
by
absolootezer0
(2x divorced tattooed pierced harley hatin meghan mccain luvin' REAL beer drinkin' smoker ..what?)
To: absolootezer0
Vegetables are what food eats.
135
posted on
03/15/2013 8:56:45 AM PDT
by
Cyber Liberty
(I am a dissident. Will you join me? My name is John....)
To: absolootezer0
She makes an outstanding brocolli soup and a very good brocolli caserole all the time.
the next day.... Good Lord!
136
posted on
03/15/2013 8:58:55 AM PDT
by
envisio
(Its on like Donkey Kong!!)
To: BenLurkin
Sum Ting Wong
137
posted on
03/15/2013 8:59:16 AM PDT
by
r-q-tek86
("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
To: Cyber Liberty
138
posted on
03/15/2013 9:00:42 AM PDT
by
envisio
(Its on like Donkey Kong!!)
To: envisio
We got an email this week that said we should wear green to work St Patricks day.
I wore Realtree Hardwoods. Its green. What do they want from me?
if you aren't catholic, you should go with one of the mossy oak blaze oranges.
139
posted on
03/15/2013 9:02:28 AM PDT
by
absolootezer0
(2x divorced tattooed pierced harley hatin meghan mccain luvin' REAL beer drinkin' smoker ..what?)
To: envisio
My wife, whom I love, is always telling me I need more leafy greens. I tell her I’m getting them, I’m just passing them through the angus first.
140
posted on
03/15/2013 9:05:09 AM PDT
by
Cyber Liberty
(I am a dissident. Will you join me? My name is John....)
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