***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Stevens 320 right in the doorway. I gave it 5 shells, and noticing that it had no legs, even placed it in my wheelchair to help it get around. I then left it alone and went about my business. While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign right in front of our house. After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there in the wheelchair, right where I had left it. It hadn’t rolled itself outside. It certainly hadn’t killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn’t even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong, and it’s the misuse of guns by PEOPLE that kills people, or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world. Alright, well I’m off to check on my spoons. I hear they’re making people fat.

(This is meant to make a point, not to be a literal representation of events. No gun was actually left unattended, just as no spoons were actually checked on. If you cannot grasp this, then you are more dense than the metal the gun is made from. Thank you.)

[absolootezer0]

teaching ‘em how to drink good beer from a young age.. none of that nasty lite crap!

[ArGee]

Logic:

ME: How would you like to bet me $5 that you're not here?
HIM: You want to bet me $5 that I'm not here?
ME: That's right.
HIM: That's the easiest $5 I'll ever make. You're on.
ME: OK. Now, when we prove something we have to use logic, so I'm going to prove you're not here by logic, OK?
HIM: OK.
ME: OK, now you're not in Juneau, Alaska, right?
HIM: No. I'm not in Juneau, Alaska. I'm right here.
ME: Bear with me on this. And you're not in Lincoln, Nebraska, right?
HIM: No, I'm not in Lincoln, Nebraska.
ME: And you're not in Tokyo, Japan, right?
HIM: Right!
ME: So, if you're not in Juneau, Alaska, Lincoln, Nebraska, or Tokyo, Japan, you must be somewhere else, right?
HIM: Right.
ME: And if you're somewhere else, you're not here.

Moral, English is not logical.

[r-q-tek86]

[Cyber Liberty]

There’s a joke to go with that.

Bill had an issue with, um, flatulence. Every night, after he got into bed with his wife, he blew off a good one.

Bill’s wife was always telling him, “Some day you’re going to blow your guts out!” He’d just chuckle.

One night, after Bill came home from a bit of a bender, he climbed into the bed and passed out. His wife was ready, and put a bunch of hog intestines that she got from the butcher that day into the bed with him.

Later that night, she awoke to the sounds of Bill huffing, puffing, grunting and moaning in the bathroom. Puzzled, she called out, “Are you OK Bill?”

“No!” he replied. “You were right, I blew my guts out, and I’m having a bear of a time getting them back in!”

[envisio]

“”Although my wife can attest to the fact the the smell is definately NOT funny.””

Hey don’t be fooled by women and there apparent disgust for gas.

I am 6’4” 240ish. I eat whatever I want and rip it loudly whenever I get a chance. They are pretty powerful sometimes and I even impress myself sometimes.

My wife is 5’7” 130ish, preened, proper, soft and feminine. She eats more vegambles and such healthy food. She doesn’t rip it, she poots.

One would never think that this little soft, feminine, manicured, proper lady could out-gas a burly individual like me but Imma tell you what - she can flat out clear the room. I bow to her sometimes in amazement as I am gasping for air.

[fredhead]

The Dubliners performing “The Sick Note:”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_Vfxuk8x_A

[r-q-tek86]

Sounds like you need...

[llevrok]

Re Chinese names

This is both a statement and a question -

How Long Is A Chinaman’s Name.

[envisio]

“””Hey we menz is talking about wimmenz clothing and the lack thereof over here.””””

Oh and farting. We’re discussing farting too.

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

How High is a Chinese mountain.

[BenLurkin]

Name father gave to Chinese baby born with blonde hair: Sum Ting Wong

[TheOldLady]

OMGoodness! That was a dang riot! The salesman was a good sport about it when he found out who the madman was.

[envisio]

We got an email this week that said we should wear green to work St Patricks day.

I wore Realtree Hardwoods. Its green. What do they want from me?

[absolootezer0]

*their

and there’s nothing wrong with a 5’7” 130ish, preened, proper, soft and feminine person who likes vegetables and such healthy foods.

after all.. what good is a steak without some grilled asparagus and onions on top, and some mashed taters, gravy and corn on the side?
especially since it ensures a good rip combined with a really rank odor.

[Cyber Liberty]

Vegetables are what food eats.

[envisio]

She makes an outstanding brocolli soup and a very good brocolli caserole all the time.

the next day.... Good Lord!

[r-q-tek86]

Sum Ting Wong

[envisio]

You said it, Jack!

[absolootezer0]

We got an email this week that said we should wear green to work St Patricks day.

I wore Realtree Hardwoods. Its green. What do they want from me?

if you aren't catholic, you should go with one of the mossy oak blaze oranges.

[Cyber Liberty]

My wife, whom I love, is always telling me I need more leafy greens. I tell her I’m getting them, I’m just passing them through the angus first.