(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

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IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1. U can't count your hair

2. U can't wash your eyes with soap
3. U can't breathe when your tongue is out

Put your tongue back in fool.

10 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT YOU...

1) U are reading this.
2) U are human.
3) U can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips
4) U just attempted to do it
6) U are laughing at yourself
7) U have a smile on your face and you skipped No.5
8) U just checked to see if there is a No.5
9) U laugh at this because you are an idiot & everyone does it too.
10) U are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

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 The Presidential election in 2012 was too close to call.

Neither Mitt Romney nor Obama had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Wisconsin. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 p.m. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.

At the end of the first day, Mitt Romney returned to the starting line and he had 10 fish. Soon Obama returned and had no fish.

Well, everyone assumed he was just having a bad day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day Mitt came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, the Democrats got together secretly and said, "I think that Mitt Romney is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. Tomorrow, don't bother fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating."

The next night (after Mitt returns with 50 fish), the Democrats got together for the report of how the Republicans were cheating.

Obama said, "You are not going to believe this, he's cutting holes in the ice!"

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There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to us ***seniors*** a little clearer!

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A fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, mechanic, businessman, sales man... and so forth.

However, little Tyrone was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied,

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside.”

Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to try to get Obama re-elected, but it's too embarrassing to say that in front of all the other kids."

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Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two guys wearing hoodies arrive. St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said, "Wait here. I’ll be right back."

 St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance. God says to Peter: "How many times do I have to tell you--you can't be racist and judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"

St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God's chambers and says,"Well, they're gone."

“The guys wearing hoodies?" asked God.

"No!! The Pearly Gates."

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[workerbee]

ROFL!

[a fool in paradise]

Eric “With” Holder.

[workerbee]

[workerbee]

[Liberty Valance]

Always remember ...

Never iron naked.

[Baynative]

A gold nugget walks into a bar. A biggot piece of coal sitting in the shadows yells, "A U, get outta here!"

[workerbee]

[Old Sarge]

[CtBigPat]

[sunny48]

I’m passing this on because it worked for me today... Dr Oz on TV said that to reach inner peace we should always finish things we start, & we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to find things I’d started & hadn’t finished, so I finished off a bottle of Patron, a 12 pack, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum.

[DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis]

[JRios1968]

[MarineBrat]

The silliness thread is here! The silliness thread is here!

[Old Sarge]

[Old Sarge]

[DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis]

[DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis]

Lemonade? Pshh....

[DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis]

[DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis]

[DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis]