Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

Posted on 04/27/2012 5:48:40 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

Trayvon Martin's Mother Files Paternity Action Against Obama

Sybrina Fulton, the mother of Trayvon Martin, the teen who was shot and killed by a self-appointed neighborhood security guard, has filed a paternity action against President Obama, seeking back child support for the 17 years of Trayvon's abbreviated life.

Fulton filed the claim after President Obama admitted, "If I had a son, he'd look like Trayvon."

Fulton explained, "I'd noticed the resemblance as well. So it really struck me when Barack mentioned it, too." Fulton stated that while she is not entirely certain that Obama is Trayvon's father, the statistical possibility is such that a paternity test is warranted.

Some have characterized Fulton's lawsuit as a transparent ploy to tap into President Obama's financial assets, while others consider the claim a justifiable attempt to bring new zeal to police's thus-far lackluster efforts to apprehend Trayvon's killer, George Zimmerman. President Obama has neither confirmed nor denied the claims.

Polls Show Most Americans Think Election Already Happened

While America is known for its widespread voter apathy, recently reported levels of sheer voter ignorance still managed to astound long-time political analysts when polls revealed that nearly 72% of Americans believe that the 2012 presidential election has already occurred.

"I thought Obama said he was going to withdraw completely within the next year," said 24-year-old Rachel DeMill of Brooklyn, New York. "Or was he talking about something besides the election?"

Trent Patterson of Hartford, Connecticut, stated, "I thought the finals were the other night. Didn't Mitt Romney's home state of Kentucky end up winning?"

When asked who she thought had become America's new president and vice president, Ebony Smith of Jacksonville, Florida, answered with no hesitation. "Obama, of course, and he spoke out in favor of Trayvon Martin for vice president. Thank God, I could never have voted for George Zimmerman."

Boston resident Joe Platt told a poll-taker, "It was big blow to us here in Massachusetts, but Romney didn't end up winning. I didn't see the final race results but I heard it was a Kenyan who won, so it must have been Obama."

When asked if he himself had cast a vote in the election, Platt replied, "Not yet, but I filed for the automatic six-month extension, so I should be fine submitting it late."

Kimberly Preston, an actress/model living in Los Angeles, may have put it best: "I have no idea if the election's over, but I'm definitely over it."

Obama to Visit The United States Next Month

Washington, D.C.-Barack Obama will make a three day visit to the United States next month as part of a whirlwind tour of the Americas. The visit, scheduled for May 25th through the 28th, will be only the fourth visit by Mr. Obama to the United States in as many years.

During his visit he hopes to tour the White house, Capitol Hill and the Supreme Court, although only the White House visit could be confirmed at press time. Mr. Obama will be traveling with his Aunt Tuenita, his Uncle Charlie, and three unrelated boys, Rob, Chip and Earnest, whom he calls "My Three Sons".

"We're all very excited that Mr. Obama would deem us worthy of a visit." exclaimed White House Chef, Earl Schieb, adding that he will make sure to have plenty of Skittles on hand to placate the boy's hunger for the sweets.

"We don't want a repeat of what happened last time the boys were here and they had to go out in the middle of the night, in their hoodies, to find some."

Michelle, and the couple's daughters will not be on this leg of the trip, jetting on ahead of their husband and father, to the family's next vacation destination in Cartagena, Colombia.



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; ofst; silliness; storytelling
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-71 next last
To: Lucky9teen

21 posted on 04/27/2012 6:31:54 AM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ShadowAce

22 posted on 04/27/2012 6:38:04 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: sockhead

Problem with this is that Romans never had war chariots.


23 posted on 04/27/2012 6:44:45 AM PDT by Sherman Logan
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen; Kathy in Alaska; SevenofNine; StarCMC; MeekMom; MEG33; HiJinx; acad1228; ...
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday
after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second
Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks
... for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they
asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't
talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...

24 posted on 04/27/2012 6:46:10 AM PDT by tomkow6 (...................TOMKOW6 ! The ONLY voice of reason & sanity in a chaotic Canteen!...............)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: tomkow6
Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing..' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.

But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's Diary:

A five putt ...how in hell can someone FIVE PUTT?

25 posted on 04/27/2012 6:46:53 AM PDT by Baynative (Please check this out - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFIcZkEzc8I)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: Sherman Logan

“Problem with this is that Romans never had war chariots.”
.
Correct. They only used them for racing and as a mode of transportation, especially in processions.


26 posted on 04/27/2012 6:58:01 AM PDT by fidelis (Zonie and USAF Cold Warrior)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: fidelis

They did use carts and wagons, and something similar to a carriage.

They ran into war chariots when they invaded Britain, but after a little confusion the Roman showed why chariots were obsolete everywhere else.


27 posted on 04/27/2012 7:05:30 AM PDT by Sherman Logan
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 26 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

28 posted on 04/27/2012 7:13:23 AM PDT by wyokostur
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

A Mexican maid decides one day she needs a pay raise and asks the lady of the house for one.

“Why should I give you a raise?” the lady of the house asks. “Give me a good reason why.”

The maid replies, “I can give you three reasons, Senora. First of all, I iron better than you do.”

“What makes you think you iron better than I do?” asks the lady.

“Your husband says so,” replies the maid.

“Okay, what’s your second reason?”

“I am a better cook than you.”

“That’s preposterous! What makes you say that?”

“That’s what your husband tells me.”

“All right. What’s your third reason?”

“I’m a better lover than you.”

The lady pauses for several minutes, then she finally says, “I suppose my husband told you that too, didn’t he?”

“Oh, no, Senora! The gardener did.”


29 posted on 04/27/2012 7:13:51 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (We apologise for the fault in this tagline. Those responsible have been sacked.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

30 posted on 04/27/2012 7:14:24 AM PDT by wyokostur
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Sherman Logan

Not only that, but, they built paved roads so that there wouldn’t be any ruts.


31 posted on 04/27/2012 7:32:50 AM PDT by freedomson (Tagline comment removed by moderator)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: tomkow6

((LOL)) BTTT


32 posted on 04/27/2012 7:34:36 AM PDT by E.G.C.
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 24 | View Replies]

To: tomkow6

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU’LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN’T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN’T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.


33 posted on 04/27/2012 7:44:10 AM PDT by IM2MAD
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: freedomson; Sherman Logan; fidelis
Not only that, but, they built paved roads so that there wouldn’t be any ruts.

Ok smart guys... then why are the railroad tracks such an odd space apart? :-)
34 posted on 04/27/2012 8:06:23 AM PDT by Sopater (...where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. - 2 COR 3:17b)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 31 | View Replies]

To: freedomson
Not only that, but, they built paved roads so that there wouldn’t be any ruts.

The paved roads did have wheel ruts and all wheels had to have the same spacing. Look at this picture from Pompeii.

35 posted on 04/27/2012 8:23:31 AM PDT by Family Guy (I disagree with what you said, but I'll defend to the death your right to shut up.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 31 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen


36 posted on 04/27/2012 8:25:56 AM PDT by unique1
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Sopater

Reasonably good explanation here.

http://www.snopes.com/history/american/gauge.asp

Has primarily to do with the fact that similar problems tend to be solved in similar ways. Also that people tend to keep using basic solutions even after they’ve lost their rationale for doing so.

As Snopes points out, there have been many railroad gauges used around the world, and even in the USA. Standard gauge has something over half the total.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Railroad_gauge#Dominant_gauges


37 posted on 04/27/2012 8:29:16 AM PDT by Sherman Logan
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 34 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

News Flash....

Osama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives in one compound, and never left the house for 5 years.

It is now believed he may have called the Navy Seals himself!
_____

An elderly lady was walking on the golf course on the island of Martha’s Vineyard. She slipped and fell.

Obama who was behind her by chance, helped her to get up promptly. She thanked him and he answered,

“It was a pleasure to help you. Don’t you recognize me? I am your president. Are you going to vote for me in the next election? “

The elderly woman laughed and replied:

‘’You know ... I fell on my ass ... not on my head......
_____

Isn’t it ironic....

The United States food stamp program, administered by the Department of Agriculture, seems pleased to be distributing the greatest amount of food stamps ever.

Meanwhile, the National Park Service, asks us to “please do not feed the animals” because the animals may grow dependent and not learn to take care of themselves.


38 posted on 04/27/2012 8:36:00 AM PDT by unique1
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

39 posted on 04/27/2012 8:36:47 AM PDT by april15Bendovr (Free Republic & Ron Paul Cult = oxymoron)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

40 posted on 04/27/2012 8:38:23 AM PDT by april15Bendovr (Free Republic & Ron Paul Cult = oxymoron)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-71 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson