Hey now. Barbara Bach was highly believable as a Russian Army Babe. They were *everywhere*!
Posted on 11/11/2011 4:18:37 PM PST by PJ-Comix
Today is Veterans Day so I guess it is also a day to discuss the WORST war movies ever made. Here is my list of a few of the WORST movies IMHO:
1. Battle of the Bulge---This movie was so bad and inaccurate that Former President Eisenhower held a press conference just to denounce it. Not only was it historically inaccurate with an absurd plot (a Boston police detective piecing together battlefield clues to help defeat the Germans) but the geographic locale was all wrong with the dense Ardennes forrest at times appearing to be a large western prairie. Okay, the Panzer Lied scene was kind of interesting but the rest of it was ridiculous.
2. Starship Troopers---Okay this was science fiction but did why did they insult the viewer's intelligence by using obsolete WWI battlefield tactics a couple of hundred years in the future? Drone rockets could have nuked those bugs without sending troopers in with machine guns.
3. Naked and the Dead---Painful to watch.
4. Thin Red Line---Hollywood attempted two versions of James Jones brilliant novel which was probably the best such book written in modern times and failed miserably both times. A tragedy since the book was incredible.
5. Pearl Harbor---Did anybody else wish that a stray Japanese bullet would have put Ben Affleck out of his, and our, misery? And the scene with President Franklin D. Roosevelt rising out of his wheelchair to walk was both painful to watch as well as laughable.
6. The Alamo---I wanted to like this movie but Frankie Avalon as the most unconvincing frontiersman ever, Smitty from Tennessee, ruined my usual suspension of disbelief while watching a movie. Frankie was way too urban for the role. Whenever I started getting into the movie, Frankie as Smitty kept ruining it for me. I kept seeing the Alamo but I kept thinking of South Philly. Also I kept thinking about Alamo eye candy, Linda Cristal, but that's another story.
I still watch Heartbreak Ridge just for the many funny throw away lines. It is close to Jaws in that category.
As war film it is laughable, Grenada?
The Gallant hours - Cagney must have had some deal where he was to be in every scene and only filmed from the left.
I thought that the US was the nation that built the Intercontinental Railroad.
The saving grace for Battle of the Bulge was Robert “You’re Going to Need a Bigger Tank” Shaw. Any movie he is in is worth watching in short bursts. He was also in that Navarone turkey.
The problem with “The Alamo” was not only Frankie Avalon, but also because ti was another John Wayne flick. Wayne was very proud of making the movie, and he couldn’t understand why the critics didn’t like it. As soon as I saw Frankie Avalon, I knew it couldn’t be very good. Some decent parts, but overall not very good. I don’t know if there ever has been a good flick made about the Alamo.
Hey now. Barbara Bach was highly believable as a Russian Army Babe. They were *everywhere*!
I loved how he deduced that the Americans were weak because they sent over Chocolate Cake to their troops.
Apocalypse Now
Definitely the most over rated, OK the Napalm in the morning scene was memorable but the rest pure trash
Sorry but a marine colonel who forms a cult which the members do nothing but dance around all day and kill people and for no reason just gives up and let’s Martin Sheen kill him is just plain silly
Oh and the Deer Hunter sucked also
Even more laughable was how Henry Fonda as the detective had the scout plane pilot turn off his engine and was able to hear panzers through the thick fog below.
Do ya suppose it was the drums that got Ringo that gig?
Thin Red Line
Wife and I were going to walk out but so many in the audience were laughing we stayed because it became a Rocky Horror type joke. People were chanting “Lizard-Lizard” or “Girl on swing!” We stayed only to see how bad it could get.
If you have not seen it:
Wind sweeps thru tree, soldiers attack, girl on porch swings, lizard sticks out tongue, little boys swim as camera (obviously operated by Gerry Sandusky) takes shots from inappropriate angles. More lizard tongues, more palm trees in wind, a quick shooting and a few more girls on swings.
Heartbreak Ridge is one of those movies that seem watchable the first time but just get worse with repeated viewings.
But it’s worth it just for the cluster-you-know-what scene.
“SWEDE! SWEDE! SWEDE!”
Some other stinkers:
Lee Van Cleef’s Commando’s
Go Tell The Spartans
The Siege of Firebase Gloria
German Film Die Bruche (The Bridge)
Windtalkers=something Nicholas Cage is in= no good.
onoz. A no wire hangars movie again.
“There haven’t been hippies around here for centuries man, you been freeze dried or doing hard time?”
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