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Posted on 08/01/2011 2:29:55 AM PDT by JustAmy
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Back atcha! :)
KISSING A BIKER...
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge
so they stop.
The leader, a big burly retired Marine General, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to commit suicide,” she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asked
“Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a Kiss?”
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she’s finished, the biker says, “Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had.
That’s a real talent you are wasting.
You could be famous.
Why are you committing suicide?”
“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl”
I loved Bob Hope and sure enjoyed this! My friends and I are always talking about the “good guys who have left us” and we miss them! I haven’t been over the others yet but I will!! And thank you for the funnies and other things too!
Col. Charles P. Murray Jr. was a great hero. Thanks for the article.
Lunch Where?
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?”
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”
New Disease
A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly Eastern city and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels, bridges and traffic jams. Thinking it would make the trip more bearable, he invited several coworkers to share the ride. However, the commute actually got more stressful, especially the trips through the tunnels. He consulted the company doctor.
“Doc,” the frustrated commuter complained, “I’m fine on the bridges, in the traffic, in the day and at night, and even when Joe forgets to bathe all week. But now, when I get in the tunnels with those four other guys crowded into the car, I get anxious and dizzy, and I feel like I’m going to explode.”
Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had diagnosed the ailment.
“What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?”
“No, no, no, my boy. You have something that is becoming more and more common.”
“Tell me! What is it?”
“You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.”
nd anyone who suits you?”
“No,” Manny replied. “I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them. So I keep on looking!”
“Listen,” his friend suggested, “Why don’t you find a girl who’s just like your dear ole Mother?”
Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again.
“So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that’s just like your Mother?”
Manny shrugged his shoulders, “Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends.”
“Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?”
“I’m afraid not. My Father can’t stand her!”
Leaving Work Early
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
“Hey, girls,” says the brunette, “let’s go home early tomorrow. She’ll never know.”
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband “playing pattycake” with the female boss. She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
“That was fun,” says the brunette. “We should do it again sometime.”
“No way,” says the blonde. “I almost got caught.”
WHEN we speak about bees, most people automatically think of stings or of honey. However sweet honey may taste, making it is not the primary purpose of bees. Their most important function is pollinating plants. Farmers here in South Africa rely on bees to pollinate almost 70 different crops. Hives are often imported and situated close to fields for this specific purpose. Around the world, bees fill this important role.
There is similarity between bees and us in our Christian walk. The crusades and other examples in history show that, unfortunately, the church has sometimes caused pain in the name of Christ. We’ve also all benefitted in one way or another from the good the church has done and the sweetness of relationship with God.
Perhaps there is a greater lesson for us — that the main purpose of being a follower of Christ is to “pollinate” the world with the gospel of love and peace by our personal, living example.
You give them something to eat” (Mark 6:37). It’s easy to miss those words from Jesus. A huge crowd had gathered to hear Him. Late in the day, the disciples got nervous and started pressing Him to send them away (v.36). “You give them something to eat,” Jesus replied (v.37).
Why would He say that? John 6:6 says He was testing them. Did He want to see if they would trust Him to perform a miracle? Maybe, but it seems more likely He wanted His disciples involved in caring for the crowd, to be hands-on in working with and for Him. He then blessed what they brought to Him—five loaves of bread and two fish—and performed the miracle of the feeding of the 5,000.
I think Jesus uses those words with us too. A need pre-sents itself in the lives of those around us, and we bring it to Jesus in prayer. “You do something,” Jesus often says. “But, Lord,” we object, “we don’t have enough time or money or energy.” We’re wrong, of course. When Jesus asks us to get involved, He already knows how He will accomplish His work through us.
What we need is faith and vision—the ability to see that God wants us to be His instruments, and that He will supply what we need.
Read: Mark 6:30-44
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Precious little girl and sweet, sentimental poem, ladies!
I will be away some today but am going to post something before I leave. Have a nice day!
Soooo sweet! Thanks for posting!
~~Enjoy Your Day~~
Adorable, ladies!
Thank you!
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