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Posted on 06/30/2011 10:09:07 PM PDT by JustAmy
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Baggage
My dear friend, a divorcee, never remarried, and her daughter wanted to know why.
“The men I know would bring too much heavy baggage to the marriage and I simply don’t want to put up with it,” she explained.
Taking her mother’s hand in hers, my friend’s daughter said sweetly, “I hate to break the news to you, Mom, but you’re not exactly carry-on yourself.”
Yes they did.
Thank you. He is doing good now.
Thank you for letting me know, Dubya! I hate when I hear the devastating injuries these dogs can cause! I am so grateful that your son won’t lose his eye!
Groaners
— An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
— Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
— A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?” “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.” “What? Because he’s cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really heavy.”
— Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly,”I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” said Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaimed Daisy.
— I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Quick Ones
— Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
— Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive...”
— A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
— Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
— A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
— A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
Rim Shot
— I went to the butcher’s the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”
— A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t - I’ve cut off your arms!”
— I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
— Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
— What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
— A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”
From my home in Colorado, I recently used Google Maps to “wander around” the neighborhood in Nairobi, Kenya, where my family lived 2 decades ago. A satellite image on my computer screen enabled me to identify roads, landmarks, and buildings. In some cases, I got a street-level view, as if I were standing on the ground there.
It was quite a view, but only a small taste of how the Lord must see our world.
The psalmist celebrated God’s view by writing these words: “The Lord looks from heaven; He sees all the sons of men. . . . He considers all their works. . . . The eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His mercy, to deliver their soul from death, and to keep them alive in famine” (33:13-19).
Unlike an unfeeling satellite, the Lord sees with His heart of love as He considers who we are and what we do. The Bible reveals that He longs for us to trust Him and follow His way. We are never out of God’s sight, and He keeps a close eye on everyone whose hope is in Him.
For all who know the Lord through faith in Jesus Christ, it’s encouraging to realize that every day we’re part of His amazing view.
Read: Psalm 33:13-22
My kinda dog!
Pandy, I did say a prayer for your daughter, Risa, last night and will continue prayers for her today. I hope she does well and please let us know how she’s doing, whenever its convenient for you. My thoughts are with you all! (((Hugs)))
The Great Physician will guide the hands
Of everyone that tends to her!
Dear Pandy, Please know prayers are now going up for your daughter,Risa and will continue. When you can, will hope you let us know an update! *HUGS*
Hugs & thanks, Pandy
I know this is a sad and anxious time, pandy..Prayers for a successful surgery, healing and comfort for Risa.
(((HUGS)))
BLESS YOU, Pandy! And your wonderful wish applies to you, as well! Thank you so much!!
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