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Posted on 05/31/2011 10:41:31 PM PDT by JustAmy
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"What's the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?" I asked my husband.
He thought for a minute before responding,
"An optimist is the guy who created the airplane.
A pessimist is the guy who created the parachute."
House Keeping
My 17-year-old niece was looking for a job, so her mother scoured the want ads with her. “Here’s one. A couple are looking for someone to watch their two kids and do light housekeeping.”
“Hel-looo!” said my niece, rolling her eyes. “I can’t take that job. I don’t know anything about lighthouses.”
Darling answer, yorkie.
I enjoyed everyone’s pretty graphics today and I thank all of you!!
Beautiful framework, Amy, surrounding a cute puppy dog! You are doing great on your new graphics.
Hope you get better soon.
Darling graphic and I thank you and I love you! (((HUGS)))
Thank you, Dubya, and i was glad to hear you got a good report today. You and I are going to have to get better, friend!
Yep we need to get better soon :^).
Corollaries of Murphy’s Law.
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> Subject: Thought for the Day
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> 1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.
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> 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
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> 3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act
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> 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
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> 5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
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> 6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
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> 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
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> 8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
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> 9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
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> 10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
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> 11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
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> 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
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> 13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
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> 14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
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> 15... Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
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> 16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
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> 17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
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> 18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
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> 19. Doctors’ Law - If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.
Waiting for Answers to Prayer
Psalm 33:20-22
Scripture makes it clear that our heavenly Father hears and answers prayer. Yet we all experience times when, though we pray for God to act right away, He does not. What are some reasons for the delay?
At times the Lord sees that our attention is misdirected. Our relationship with Him should have priority over any earthly matter (Mark 12:30). Yet minds and prayers can become so fixed upon a need that our gaze shifts away from Him. The Father may delay His answer until we refocus on Him. In other situations, God waits because the timing is not right for granting our request. Perhaps certain events must happen first, or people’s thinking needs to be changed.
There are also seasons when the Lord wants to stretch and grow our faith. One of the ways He accomplishes that is by having us watch for His response. The Holy Spirit will work in these times of waiting to mature us and bring forth righteous fruit (Gal. 5:22-23).
Other reasons are a wrong motive for our request (James 4:3) and the practice of habitual sin. We all fall short when it comes to God’s standard of holiness, but some of us persist in a lifestyle of disobedience. The Lord may delay His answer so He can prompt us to confess our sin and turn back to Him.
Waiting on the Lord isn’t easy—faith and trust are needed (Heb. 11:1). If His answer is delayed, check that 1) your focus is on Him, 2) your motive for asking is God-honoring, and 3) you aren’t practicing habitual sin. Then believe that His response will be for your good and His glory.
Oh soooo sorry dear FRiend. Prayers for your quick recovery!
(((HUGS)))
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May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.
May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $50 bills.
May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!
May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy
May the problems you had, forget your home address!
My mother was away all weekend at a business conference.
During a break, she decided to call home collect.
My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Betty on the line. Will you accept the charges?"
Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming,
"Dad!
They've got Mom! And they want money!"
(((((((Hugs and Prayers)))))))
I'm So Glad, Dubya! God is Good!
Just a line to say I'm living, That I'm not among the dead. Though I'm getting more forgetful And more mixed up in the head.
For sometimes I can't remember, When I stand at foot of stairs, If I must go up for something, Or if I've just come down from there.
And before the fridge so often My poor mind is filled with doubt Have I just put food away?...or Have I come to take some out?
And there's times when it is dark out, With my night cap on my head I don't know if I'm retiring Or just getting out of bed.
So...if it's my turn to write you There's no need of getting sore, I may think that I have written And don't want to be a bore!!
So, remember I do love you And I wish that you were here, But now it's nearly mail time, So I must say good-bye my dear.
There I stood beside the mail box With a face so very red Instead of mailing you my letter, I had opened it instead!
My bifocals fit - my dentures are fine My hearing aid works...but ..I do miss my mind!
(((((((Goodnight, and God Bless)))))))
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Plea
After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge’s bench. “Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from ‘innocent’ to ‘guilty’ of the charges.”
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. “If you’re guilty, why didn’t you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?” he demanded.
Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, “Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me.”
Strange
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark:
“That’s Strange!”
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