My mother was away all weekend at a business conference.
During a break, she decided to call home collect.
My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Betty on the line. Will you accept the charges?"
Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming,
"Dad!
They've got Mom! And they want money!"
Just a line to say I'm living, That I'm not among the dead. Though I'm getting more forgetful And more mixed up in the head.
For sometimes I can't remember, When I stand at foot of stairs, If I must go up for something, Or if I've just come down from there.
And before the fridge so often My poor mind is filled with doubt Have I just put food away?...or Have I come to take some out?
And there's times when it is dark out, With my night cap on my head I don't know if I'm retiring Or just getting out of bed.
So...if it's my turn to write you There's no need of getting sore, I may think that I have written And don't want to be a bore!!
So, remember I do love you And I wish that you were here, But now it's nearly mail time, So I must say good-bye my dear.
There I stood beside the mail box With a face so very red Instead of mailing you my letter, I had opened it instead!
My bifocals fit - my dentures are fine My hearing aid works...but ..I do miss my mind!
Plea
After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge’s bench. “Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from ‘innocent’ to ‘guilty’ of the charges.”
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. “If you’re guilty, why didn’t you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?” he demanded.
Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, “Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me.”
Strange
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark:
“That’s Strange!”