Posted on 03/01/2011 9:05:12 PM PST by PhilosopherStone1000
So I'm 50. I have a very smart, very beautiful daughter who is a junior in high school.
Every day, I wake up and say to myself "Crap. I'm still alive."
I feel like I've done my job. I have give birth to and raised an extraordinary human being. There's nothing I can do now to advance her career or life.
How much does God expect me to endure? When can I say "I've had enough?" At what point is it rational to jump off that bridge simply because one is tired of putting up with all the crap?
Get a life.
I live with the kind of back pain you mention. I even had back surgery to ease a bulging disc but, alas, the adhesions from the surgery put the same pressure on my nerve that the original bulging disc did. Awesome, eh?! LOL
I get relief from meds and steroid injections about once a year or so. Might work for you, if you haven't tried it.
I had discectomy (the reduction of disk) and laminectomy (the removal of disk “flange” resulting from disk rupture that impinged upon nerves). Insist on a neurosurgeon doing it, to best avoid, well, damaging nerves.
Yes, it is a scary surgery, and even scarier, after the surgery the pain didn’t immediately go away. BUT, after taking a single week’s regimen of steroids to combat post-operative swelling, I was back to normal. It was awesome.
That doesn't mean you can't do things while you're waiting, and it may turn out that one of those things is part of that plan.
One more of life's little secrets. Everything poops, so there is never any shortage of crap. Deal with it. Maybe the example you provide by dealing with it (as graciously as possible) is what God wants you to provide all along.
Whatever the case, I pray your eyes are opened to the beauty in your life, often small things easily overlooked when we spend our time concentrating on miseries great and small. If you look really hard, and still can't find any beauty in your life, I suggest you work on making some.
God Bless you, FRiend.
>>At this point a little levity. This is the WORST Opus thread I’ve ever seen!<<
A tiny bit. Sometimes an even small bite of humor can have a big effect. I am sure we have all helped friends laugh off a bad idea — even really strong (bad) ideas.
So I have done what I can here. As have many.
I am now turning to prayer. If it is misplaced, so be it. But for those who are still monitoring the thread and have noticed the OP has disappeared, then now is the time for those prayers.
Should he pop up tomorrow, we can be happy, yet pissed.
That is my desired outcome.
Hmmmm......I’m 65 and life is SO FULL, and I’m so grateful to God for every day, I cannot imagine it being better....
Your problem - as many have noted - is SELF. The focus of your life is SELF. That’s always a dead end, depressing, and makes you want to check out.
God alone is to rule over life and death. If He still has you here, there is much for you to do.
Start by serving others. Lay down your life for others, starting with your family. Then expand to those in need. Go visit a third world country like Nicaragua and see how blessed you’ve been - and how ungrateful. Suffered? I doubt it. Not compared to to 95% of the rest of the world.
Spend yourself serving others and you’ll greet every day with excitement wanting to get started.
Yeah, being focused on SELF is a bummer, a dead end, and makes one want to check out.
Turn around, turn to God, and lay down your life and all will be transformed. Mostly you and your attitude.
Thanks for the info. Both the PT and Chiro have been doing electronic stimulation and the results have been less than successful so far. It buzzes and twitches a lot but 1/2 hour later the pain returns.
Again, I am grateful for your interest and suggestions.
I hope the OP comes back and sees just how good people can be. How GREAT people can be. How caring people can be.
I really do.
Before jumping in with a ton of advice, I’d like to ask one simple question. What’s so bad?
I'm certain you are wrong in this. Don't sell yourself short. I have to say that I don't understand how your daughter can fail to be an inspiration for you, however wretched you may feel. And even if you don't feel any such inspiration you must know that you matter. Perhaps your daughter gives you no indication of this. Nevertheless it is true.
Now I'm wondering if we need a "Back Pain" ping list! We'd need a mascot, of course...
You do not have to deal with this problem. You do not have to feel this way. There is help, I promise. Remember that this is just a passing feeling that you won’t consider tomorrow or in a few days. Don’t let your mind go there and accept suicide as an option. There are too many other choices available that will help and heal you. My brother took his life 5 years ago because he thought there was no meaning,hope or happiness. But there was and I wish I knew then what I know now because I maybe could have helped him, but I will reach out to you instead. What our family has had to endure is a hell that I would wish on no one. Least of all my children. Because of his traumatic and senseless death I now have a severe panic disorder now that is somewhat treatable with medication. I couldn’t imagine how I would feel if it had been my dad. She will feel that you didn’t love her. She will think that she did something to cause your suicide. She will wonder what she could have done to help you so you would have lived. These feelings will NEVER leave her. She will mourn everyday of her life not only for your absence but also for the way it came about. SHE will live with YOUR decision for the rest of her life. A life that will be jaded and full of depression and regret. Please talk to someone. You may not like the idea but it doesn’t have to be this way. You CAN get better. I will tell you what has gotten me through the darkest of my days when I have felt like you do, surrender all of your worries and problems to the Lord and he will take that burden. Completely and utterly surrender and put it all in God’s hands and he WILL help you. I will pray for your healing and for you to have strength to deal with this. You WILL be okay. You WILL be happy again. Many hugs and prayers for you.
Hang in there Hoss,
Your best days may be ahead of you!
How about a salamander?
/creeps off looking for her TENS unit
;]
You bet they are. My grandparents on both sides of the family died before I was born, and I always felt that a big part of my life was missing because I had never been able to know them.
See PS1000, you ain’t alone. We get it.
So many people killing themselves these days. People who have a lot of going for them - Madoff’s son Mark, still wealthy, still having a family, a federal prosecutor in a well publicized case (I forget the name, it was in the WSJ a couple of weeks ago), also with a career and a family, and here I am, sitting in a cold basement without a career, without a family and only with an FR family, and with my cowardice, when the most famous bridge in the world is a half hour drive away to jump from. But yes, there are the children, adults now, and the effect this would have on them.
Stop yo whining, I hear a next post in response to this one.
Yeah, volunteer with the SPCA, teach children of prisoners to read, that’s what tell you at the clinic and the groups of whiners. Sorry...
Your life has worth. Over a hundred perfect (and imperfect) strangers on FR care about you. Think how much your daughter cares about you, even if she is expressing her independence these days. God loves you, even if you don’t know it. Exploring his Word will let you know how close to you he is.
I’m so grateful I hung around. My daughter, who was doing well at 16, needed a lot of parental help for the next decade, due to emotional problems and learning disabilities. She married a fine man and gave us our first grandchild. The second, to be named Reagan, will be born in three months. I’d never want to miss out on either of them.
My son, who had the perfect life until last month, is in a really rough patch. I’m grateful he reached out to me, and I wouldn’t want to miss a single one of his phone calls. From his deepest despair, he’s been able to begin to see that when this episode is over, he’ll land on his feet. He’s making sure that he does affirmative things every day, even though he might not feel like it. He’s amazed at the number of people who have come out of the woodwork to help lift his spirits.
I lost a brother-in-law to suicide in 1990. The repercussions will never end to those who loved him.
Good luck to you, FRiend. I hope you post back sometime and tell us what you learned on your journey.
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