Posted on 09/22/2010 8:50:39 AM PDT by MissTed
We've all been there. It's a beautiful day, and you can't bear the thought of going into work. So you call in with some excuse about feeling ill, but you know in your bones that your boss doesn't buy it.
The feeling ill excuse is a short-term solution that won't win you any fans at the office -- someone else will have to pick up the slack, or you'll miss deadlines. And it won't help your career any. Here are 10 excuses -- five smart and five not-so-smart -- to help you save face and your sanity.
Smart Excuses
* I've Earned It: No one can argue with performance. Come in two or three hours early -- or stay late -- for a week or two. Then negotiate a day off in advance. "Really work when you're there, so you'll be able to feel good about taking time off," says Andrea Nierenberg, president of The Nierenberg Group, a management consulting and personal marketing practice.
* I'm Playing Golf with a Client: For this one to work, you've got to have a job that requires you to meet and court current and prospective clients. Neil Simpkins, an account executive at Oxford Communications, has used this one successfully. One note of caution: Meet the client; don't just say you did.
* I Have a Doctor's Appointment: This excuse will get you out of work for a half-day or so. Make the appointment first thing in the morning or late in the day, say around 3 p.m. You can leave the office by 2:30 p.m. and get home (hopefully) by 4 p.m. The shortened day will help you recharge, especially if you schedule it on a Friday afternoon.
* I Have Cramps: Before you dismiss this one, think about it: Who can argue? "It's such an embarrassing topic that nobody will ever challenge it," says Jennifer Newman, vice president of Lippe Taylor Public Relations. She has used this excuse -- and had it used on her -- successfully. "It's one of those things that men honestly have no clue about, and women can sympathize with." One important point: Don't use this one if you're a man. It'll never work.
* I'm Working from Home: This is an excellent way to give yourself a break if your company allows it. Although you'll need to do some work, you can generally get away with a shortened day. And you'll eliminate your commuting time.
Not-So-Smart Excuses
* There's a Death in the Family: Don't ever use this excuse if it's not true. Your employer will lose all trust in you. "I had an employee whose mother died -- twice," says David Wear, a Virginia PR executive. "He also had the misfortune of losing all his grandparents -- 12 of them -- during a two-year period."
* I'm Too Sleepy: When she was a manager at IBM, Marilynn Mobley heard it all. This one still makes her laugh: The employee apparently took Tylenol 3 with codeine instead of a vitamin, because the bottles looked alike.
* I Can't Get My Car Out of the Garage: This is another one that Mobley didn't buy. An employee said that a power failure was preventing him from opening his power-operated garage door. "I reminded him that there's a pull chain on it for just such cases," she says.
* I Can't Find My Polling Place: Mary Dale Walters, a communications specialist at CCH, couldn't believe this one. A former employee needed an entire day to figure out where she had to go to vote in the presidential election.
* I Have a Personal Emergency: This one is so vague that it rarely works. It could mean anything from fatigue to an appointment with your hairdresser, and your boss knows it.
Don't lie, no matter which excuse you use. "I'm not a believer in playing hooky, because it always comes back to you," Nierenberg says. "Don't lie to your boss, your supervisor or your clients. You're guaranteed they will be the ones you'll run into while you're walking down the street in your jeans."
What’s worse than someone not showing up is someone that gets “EMERGENCY” phone calls from their wife all day long.
Before there were cell phones I had a guy on my crew who’s wife called the office at least once sometimes 3 or 4 times a day with emergency phone calls. Had to stop what we were doing and take him to a phone to call his wife.
The calls stopped when I started making the lazy SOB walk to the phone. His walking 2-3 miles just to tell the children to behave got real old real fast.
I got a second-degree burn on my ankle. When I went to the doctor early Friday morning, he told me to not wear socks for a few days. Our office had a strict dress code which called for all men to wear suits. I called my boss and told him I could come in that day but I couldn’t wear socks. He told me unless I had something which had to be done that day to just stay home and just come in on Monday. Apparently, he didn’t like the idea of someone wearing a three-piece suit without socks.
Diarrhea is a sure winner. And there is justice- you are punished with embarrassment.
“I can’t come in to work today because I need to stalk my previous employer, the dogmeat SOB who fired me last year.”
Better version: I have optho-glutealism..I just can't see my *ss at work.
I'm a guy, and I can tell you with 100% accuracy, if I begin getting abdominal cramps and I hear gurgling sounds, something BAD is going to happen.
And soon.
(Ever seen "Dumb and Dumber"?)
I loved it when he took her in his arms and gave her the big kiss, then dropped her and turned to Ellwood and said, “Let’s go.”
I have an employee who gets these “tension” headaches. Misses anywhere from 1-4 days each month.
Recently her cat has been ill. She’s missed 4 half-days and 1 full day for that. She actually took off a day to see how her cat reacted to some medication he was given.
Needless to say, although she’s great when she is here, I’m not too upset to see her move to a different project.
"Sometimes I get the menstural cramps real hard."
LOL.
Oldie but Goodie:
So you want a day off?
So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for.
There are 365 days per year available for work.
There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.
Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.
You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.
With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave.
This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work.
We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.
We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work.
There’s no way I’ll let you take that day off!
I once took a week-long vacation without telling anyone I was going to be out. My job takes me out of the office frequently anyway, and I kept on top of the important things via cell phone and e-mail while I was on vacation.
When I was in the service, we called it “anal blindness.”
Funny you should mention that. That malady and/or a high fever are the only two “normal” afflictions that will automatically keep me out of work.
I’m thinking November 3rd will be a GREAT day to stay home from work and nurse a celebratory hangover.
I watched my father in law call his boss once.
He said “I’m not feeling too good today so I’m not coming in. Bye the way, can I borrow your boat?”
I almost NEVER take unscheduled days off, and part of that is that I have been lucky enough not to get sick (knocks on wood)
I have had chronic back problems since I was in high school, and it got so bad I would miss 2-3 days of work because I could not get off of my back. Literally. Had to use a bedpan at home. Very bad.
I had kind of a funny experience...when I began working here. My back went out, but I had to get in. We had people quit to take other jobs, and were down to two people from five, and had patients scheduled, so...I came in. I could barely walk. Ever see Tim Conway on the Carol Burnett Show...that shuffling walk? Slow it down by 3/4, and that was me trying to walk into the hospital to go to work. Hunched over nearly double, barely able to step six inches with each foot, and pausing in between. (And I was a young man...:)
When I went to meet my first patient of the day, she put her hand to her mouth and said “Oh my God. I saw you walk in the main entrance, and I thought you were a patient here!”
Thing is, and I got it from my dad: You don’t skip work unless you are contaigiously sick (and REALLY sick) or there is a REAL emergency. My dad was a functional alcoholic his whole life, and while he didn’t drink at work, he drank himself into unconsciousness or a stupor many nights. But he was always, ALWAYS up at 0500, shaved, cleaned and ready to go to work. I have no idea how he did it, but he did.
You don’t call in because you don’t feel like going to work. You don’t call in because you are tired. You don’t call in because it is going to be a great sunny day out. You don’t call in because you want to go skiing, and you don’t call in because you overslept.
You go in every single day, because you are being paid to do so by your employer, and you have people who will have to pick up the slack for you if you don’t.
The great thing is, I can call in anytime I want, and nobody would ever say boo to me, especially not my boss. My boss appreciates it that I never put him in a position to have to cover or answer for me.
Frankly I don’t think my company cares, because I pretty much can do my work from home. And even on my “off days”, I still check email, so it’s no big deal. I still pretty much wind up accomplishing the same thing, as long as there are no face-to-face meetings scheduled.
LOL! Great scene! I saw that on my honeymoon in Spain...it was late at night, my wife was asleep (just got there, jet lagged) and I went downstairs to poke around.
There was a crowd of people watching “The Blues Brothers” on a television in the lobby, and it was in Spanish!
I watched it with all these Spaniards, and it was great because I knew the movie all too well...:)
I also watched “Happy Days” in Spanish as well...
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